Another restless sleep last night with nightmares about Dad. I awoke at 6 am, dressed, and went out into the yard and filled a big trash can with trimmings. The clouds were dark and it rained like shed tears from heaven.
Came in the house and Mom called. She went to visit Dad and he had all his clothes in a plastic bag and wanted to come home. She wanted me to talk with him. Dad explained how God had told him to go to the elders of his church and have them lay hands on him so he could be healed. He read me the passage in the Bible. He assured me, if we followed the Lord's word he would be able to come home. He wants to plant seeds because he is a Farmer and that is all he wants to do. His voice was steady, deep and strong. He remembered working for Home Depot in Washington state and how much he enjoyed learning about various flowers. He barely takes a breath in between his lightening speed thoughts and memories.
Its almost as though, somehow, he realizes he must get all of his thoughts and memories out now, before they disappear forever...
Tears welled in my eyes as I listened to him tell me how thankful he was that I found him such a nice place to stay. He loves the patio, the flowers and he "releases me from any responsibility" so he can leave. He was like a child desperately trying to persuade me to give my permission. I could barely get a word in he rapid-fired his reasons, as if he could get enough out, I would say YES.
I tried to remember all the Caregiver tips for Alzheimer patients...I complimented him on his ability to pray so well and so beautifully. I told him how kind and thoughtful he was after he told me he shared the cookies my sister made, with the other residents. ( God told him not to eat chocolate.) I told him he was working so hard and doing so well at taking his meds, exercising, eating and sleeping.
I side tracked and distracted him by bringing up other subjects. He told me he loved the sound of my voice and that he loved me. I know and feel how much he loves me. I know his home and family are his greatest joy and Blessing. He has always been the kindest, gentlest man I have ever known.
I just wanted him to come home. I know he can't, and it breaks my heart. Somehow I got him to agree to eat something and to allow Mom to hang his clothes back in his closet.
When we hung up I could not stop crying... Then I called his church to gather the elders, go to him and to lay hands of healing upon him.
Later, I called to find out how long we can take Dad out starting next week. We can get a pass for 4 hours. If we took him out, would he ask to stop by the house to get something? Would he get back in the car to return to the facility? What if he wouldn't? I need to find out answers to those questions. I need to call one of our Angels.
As I was discussing Dad with the Admissions Director, she told me they had a 4 th of July celebration today. She had gone to Dad's room and invited him out to the festivities. She told me he had a great time. He ate a cheese burger and a hot dog and danced! Those are the visuals I want to pack into my brain as fond memories.
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