My day began with a phone call from Mom at 8am. Dad was refusing his medication again...and he had told Mom he had a blood clot and needed to go to the hospital, but first, take him out for breakfast...
I was able to get him to take his 9am meds...but his thyroid medication, which he usually takes at 6:30am, will have to wait until tomorrow. I had to talk to the Charge Nurse and review all the medications, then confirm with Dad that it was OK to take his medications.
He wanted me to come and take him out to breakfast. I reminded him I was in Nevada and he was sorry they bothered me when I am so far away. He told me it burned when he urinated so I told him I would call his doctor. He told me he needed his olive oil, apple cider vinegar and water salad dressing so it would clear up all his prostate and IBS problems. He put the phone down and left me hanging...as I whistled and yelled for someone to pick up the phone. After fifteen minutes, someone picked up the phone and hung it up.
Mom was really upset because Dad kept calling her up and screaming at her to come take him to lunch and then bring him home! Before she could speak a word, he would hang up on her. I listened to her frustrations and sadness. She told me she felt "alone in a desert". She got her diary and read it to me. She has been going through this with Dad for five years.
I spent the rest of the day calling the doctors, talking to the Social Worker and Director of Nurses at the facility, and talking with Dad's psychiatrist. I was explaining to the doctor how I had promised Dad I would always tell him the truth. Despite our protective feelings towards Dad, it is becoming increasingly difficult to continue telling Dad he is sick and he can't come home. Dad does not understand why he can't come home because he doesn't think he is sick.
The Psychiatrist told me we can tell Dad 'the doctor said he has Alzheimer's and that is why he can't go home.' If he protests, we are suppose to tell Dad to ask the nurses to call his doctor and discuss it with him. Yeah right! Dad would EXPLODE like a rocket!!!
I packed a suitcase, because I refuse to tell Dad he has Alzheimer's over the phone. Mom really wants me to come back, if nothing else but to spend a couple days with her. Right now, I can barely keep my eyes open to finish watching The Bachelorette...once again, an emotional day, draining all my energy.
Would it make a difference if we began telling Dad he has Alzheimer's? Would it eventually become his reality or would he hide further and deeper into denial? Would it drive a wedge between us and make him forget us? It seems so logical to tell him the truth. It makes perfect sense to give him a reason. Do we tell him, or continue pretending and skirting the truth? Dad has always told us to tell the truth...
My sister called on her way home from work. I gave her a re-cap of the day and told her what the Psychiatrist told me. Immediately she volunteered to tell Dad. She told me she actually felt relieved to have an explanation to give Dad. I am so proud of my sister and respect her willingness to do this difficult task.
I'm not sure I could still get Dad to take his medications if I were to to be the first to tell him he had Alzheimer's...
When my husband came home, he could tell I had a rough day. I started dinner but the phone rang. It was my best friend calling to check on me. While I was talking with her, my wonderful husband not only finished cooking the dinner, but did the dishes too. Thank you God for putting him in my corner...
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