This blog was formerly dedicated in 2009 to my Dad who died of Alzheimer's in 2013. It's been three years now...and I find myself missing blogging...so I am re-inventing my blog... because, after all, life is about moving through, and going forward...

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

An unsettling night phone call..

Last night Mom got an unsettling phone call from Dad.  He had the nurse call Mom so he could talk with her.  He wanted to know about some friends of theirs.  She told him the wife lives in Michigan but was visiting her son in Colorado.  Dad wanted to know about her husband and Mom told him he had died last Spring.  Dad began to cry. Then he asked Mom if she knew he was riding Blue tonight? Mom asked him who Blue was, and he was annoyed she did not remember my youngest brother's nickname for his first girlfriend.  Dad told Mom he has a horse that he named after her. He was going through the window and riding her to my second to the oldest brother's house up the hill...

Then he told Mom he wanted some fresh salmon and told her the grunion were running at the beach.  She told him the grunion run in January.  He wanted to know what month it was, so she told him October. He then launched into the subject of gold, worth billions and he was going to give it all to her.  Mom told him she was just fine, at which time, he told her, she didn't understand, and he would give it to all the kids.

I wish Mom would not correct him and just take whatever he says and accept it.  If he makes a sweet gesture, despite his fantasy and delusions, just give it to him...receive it with compassion... I know it is hard for Mom, but I really feel if she can "go with it" she might find it less disturbing.

Dad spoke very proud and loud about patriotism and the starving fisherman of Bar Harbor. He spoke of the bald head of his room mate and how he was not getting the proper care.

I know if Dad's fingernails and facial hair (shaving, eyebrows, nostril and ear hairs) is long, that would really bother him, because he is fastitiously clean and tidy with his hygiene.  He shaved every day and always kept himself immaculate.

I called again at 8am this morning to check if he had been trimmed yet.  The same nurse from yesterday, told me it would be done today. I also asked about his compression stockings.  She told me she would check and call me back...

6 comments:

JeannetteLS said...

Breathe... This is such a difficult time for you. I hope your mother simply can let go and let his mind meander its strange journey now. I know that one of my friends went through this with her mother and came to accept this DIFFERENT person in her mother's "House." And sometimes her mom would peek out and sometimes, not so much. It broke her heart, too. And I know how hard this all is. Please know that I read your blog ever few days, sometimes every day. And the love you have shines in every entry. I am struggling in many ways right now, but just know that I DO think about you and I hope others read your blog and realize just how strong and loving you are.

WhiteStone said...

My mom used to try to correct her late husband, too. I always thought it would be less stressful for her if she had realized she did not need to do that...just go along with what he was thinking and saying. Less stressful for him and for her. I wonder what the "professionals" advise.

Donna B said...

Thank you Jeannette, I appreciate you being such a loyal follower. It means so much to me, as well as your constant encouragement and your "warm fuzzies" you always provide me.

Donna B said...

Thank you White Stone for your advice. One can never get too much advice at a time like this. I so appreciate all those who have been through this horrendous disease, to share their thoughts and suggestions with me. It really does help. I especially appreciate the precious time you share, despite your own struggles. God Bless you.

Pastor Sharon said...

Hi Donna. Thanks for inviting me over here. It appears this blog has turned into a very wonderful online journal. I kept a journal for 10 years when I took care of Mom. I sure wish I would have known about blogging, it would have been nice to share as you are doing.

I am feeling your pain of being out of control of your Dad's care. It's really hard when it seems caregiver's just can't get it right. I'll respond more in an email to this.

In regards to WhiteStone's wondering what the professionals advise. . . this is it.
"People who have a dementia diagnosis (especially Alzheimer's type) simply cannot get to reality sometimes. It does more harm than good to try and correct them. It is better to take the path of their fantasy/journey as long as it isn't going to bring ANY type of harm to someone."

Now, about your heart. . . I just wanted to let you know, while it's breaking through this process, I'll be here with your other support helping pick up some pieces until it's time to mend.. . . and it will mend.
Pastor Sharon

Donna B said...

Oh thank you so much Pastor Sharon for coming over to read about our journey with Dad. I look forward to your emails. I cannot tell you how much it means to have you there for support and to know the professional advice to share with me. I have half my favorites and bookmarks on this horrendous disease trying to find answers...