Mom visited Dad today. Her email to all of us made it clear Dad was back to talking nonsense again. It's too depressing to record what Dad says when he is like that. I've selected the title of today's blog, from one of his comments, which, pretty much sums it up...
This past week has been very difficult for me emotionally with Dad. Its beginning to become clear to me, my grief, or mourning of Dad's condition, is impossible for me to record into words. The feeling is so intense, it brings me down into a very dark and non-productive place. I don't want to go there...I can't allow myself to go there...
I need to remove the pressure of writing about Dad when I feel so down. Maybe it would be better, to not write every day...
Even picking up my brush to paint, I find myself trance-like, thinking of Dad, feeling for Dad, and hurting for Dad...the overwhelming sadness is not allowing creativity to flow from me. I know if Dad were in his normal state of mind, he would not want me to do this to myself...I think its time for an emotional sabbatical...
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