This blog was formerly dedicated in 2009 to my Dad who died of Alzheimer's in 2013. It's been three years now...and I find myself missing blogging...so I am re-inventing my blog... because, after all, life is about moving through, and going forward...

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

I WANT TO TALK WITH MY DAD!!!!

Just tried, AGAIN, to call Dad, and still NO ANSWER!  The operator even gave me Dad's personal phone number, but he must be out of his room.  There was no answer at the nursing station either.  They must be delivering meds AND meals!!!

I think that is one of the reasons, I am sleeping with monsters. The nightmares are part of everything that is on my mind.  The fact I have not spoken with my Dad in such a long time, really haunts me, rattles me and above all, makes me feel terribly guilty.  I don't want him to think I forgot him...

When I feel like this, I lie in bed and think of my father, and wonder what he is doing and thinking.  I imagine how I would feel, all alone in a nursing home.  No privacy.  The sounds of the facility, the snoring, noises of the room mates... At some point, he has to wonder where we are...

It's times like these, that make me feel restless, irritated, and I get headaches.  I don't like thinking of my Dad being all alone, despite the care of excelllent nursing and compassionate aides, it still is not the same as, family... I love you Dad, and I miss you fiercely...

8 comments:

Saundra Lane Galloway said...

Donna, I noticed you became a follower of my blog and wanted to welcome you! I read your post tonight and I really feel for you/ with you...My dad has been ill with Leukemia for some years, and we just had a big scare that it had progressed to a dangerous place...it hasn't yet, but he is changing...moving away from us in his mind and it just saddens me, makes me scared...some of your thoughts I have been feeling! Hang in there...you are not alone!!

Pam Johnson Brickell said...

Keep faith, you will be able to get through to him and he will understand. I understand your torment though. My Rob's mom is slipping away. We don't know that if next time we see her, she'll know who we are. Living 1000 miles away is not easy. My folks were so fortunate not to have this horrible robbing of their minds. I thank the Lord. But, you will get through, you will have peace. You are doing the best you can for him. Hold to that. Peace be yours!

Cindi said...

donna im so glad you found my blog.. besides the love of painting... its sounds as tho we are both dealing with a similar situation.. alzheimers..im sor sorry to hear of your dad... reading a bit of your comments, im already in tears.. please stay in touch and if ther is anything i can do, to help... please holler.. sometimes knowing others are going down the same path, makes it a bit easier!! take care!!

WhiteStone said...

I miss my Dad. Reading your blog reminded me of that little fact. I so look forward to seeing him again. He's been gone 24 years now and I sure do wish I could see him walk in the door with that big grin on his face. (Huge sigh!)

Donna B said...

Thank you Saundra for stopping by and for following me! I really appreciate the shared pain for our fathers. This blog has become very therapeutic... So many kind bloggers have shared their stories or offered information that has been so helpful. I really enjoy the blogging family we have been welcomed to.

Donna B said...

Pam, thank you for the kind words of encouragement. It is very frustrating being so far from loved ones during times like this... but thankfully, I have my siblings, you frequently pull me back in when I get too far "out there". Your gentle words comforted me...

Donna B said...

Hi Cindi...yes, we do share the pain of Alzheimer's and the joy of painting. You are so more advanced than I. I didn't have the time to paint as much as I wanted to while single and raising my girls...so I wrote in my journals and sketched. It is only now, since moving away from my dear ones, that I took it up to keep me company. Let's keep in touch, OK?

Donna B said...

Cindi, Donna and Pam, any time you care to write more personally, about Alzheimer's or anything, my email is donnab6464@gmail.com...I would love to hear from you...