This blog was formerly dedicated in 2009 to my Dad who died of Alzheimer's in 2013. It's been three years now...and I find myself missing blogging...so I am re-inventing my blog... because, after all, life is about moving through, and going forward...

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Another day closer to seeing Dad...

Early tomorrow morning my girlfriend and I are driving to California. I'll drop her off at her daughter's house on my way to Mom's. We are going for our quarterly Digital Scrap booking Fest weekend, plus staying two extra days to visit family.

I just called the psych ward and spoke with both the Social Worker and the Meds Nurse. They had planned to discharge Dad today, but looks like it will be tomorrow. I spoke to Mom last night, and she said the psych ward had switched the distribution of his Namenda 10mg and his Lexapro 15 tab at night instead of in the morning, hoping he will sleep less during the day. I confirmed that this morning.

His energy level is very low. I would imagine that might present a problem with him at night having to use the restroom and being so groggy. I asked the nurse to ask the CNA to watch for Dad falling or for needing assistance to clean himself up in the morning.

It sounds like Dad is getting tired of living the "nursing home life" and the bathroom routine is wearing him down. I know he lives for our visits. Poor Dad has never been very good at adapting or spontaneous things. He has always been a dreamer who dreams. His habitual procrastination, unfortunately, was the demise of many of his dreams and plans...

He has always been extremely particular with precise ideas how he wanted things done. His plans were immobilized with his need to be a perfectionist. If it could not be perfect, it was not worth showing anyone. His self criticism would eventually result in shelving his project for later after more research. If he was doing something for someone else, he would throw himself into it completely, but for himself, it was a huge challenge.

I have learned so much from his examples. His ways taught me not to succumb to perfectionism, because basically, it is born from ego. Ego is all about oneself. Now, I view perfectionism as a one way street to not get anything accomplished. All those futile efforts end up feeding back on oneself and everyone can see it except the person obsessed with it. The person ends up exhausted, unhappy, dis-satisfied and full of regret.

I spoke with Dad last night during Mom and my sister's visit. My sister called me so Dad could visit with me on her cell. He sounded so tired, so confused, so fragmented and like it was a struggle to keep engaged in our conversation. I told him I would bring him hugs and kisses in two days along with an In and Out vanilla shake. I prayed and Dad kept repeating "yes" and I had him repeat our favorite verses to calm us down, "Lord, please keep me in your Spirit" and " I am a child of God and He loves me".

I need to physically see Dad. To sit in his presence and absorb how he is. To get a personal feel for his state of health. My sister thought Dad seemed out of breath. There is definite possibility Dad's health is declining faster than his mental deterioration. I will see and know more tomorrow...

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