9 Months Since Dad's Death…Soaring With Eagles…Updates on my life and Grand kids...

I've really had my Father on my mind so much these past couple of weeks.  I've been waiting and wanting him to come to me in my sleep.  I have had one night where I saw him in my dreams, he was there, but not connecting with me.

Knowing my Dad, the way I do, and knowing after death the soul no longer experiences time; more than likely Dad is exploring.  He was a very curious fellow, loving adventure and exploration.  Not having the confines of Alzheimer's, I know he is soaring with eagles.

I will be patient.  I know he will come….maybe at the year anniversary of his death….maybe my birthday next month…

Meanwhile I will be thinking of him this Memorial weekend, for all he did for our country and for all he was to our family.

Two weeks ago I returned from California helping my daughter after the c-section birth of her second child, her first daughter.  I'd like to share a picture of my precious, first grand daughter, Jordynn.

 4-28-14 10 days old with proud Grandma

 4-28-14 Remember my grand son Jacob?  Here he is with his little sister and I on the day I returned to Nevada.  I had the best time staying with them for two weeks.  Words cannot express how difficult it was for me to leave.  Jacob is now three and a half years old.  He is the sweetest and best big brother to his sister.  I am so very proud of him.

5-17-14 Sleeping beauty….my most recent photo of my grand daughter sent from my daughter.  She is thriving and healthy.  God Bless and protect their family.

A couple days after returning home I threw out my back and spent a week in bed with back spasms and back pain.  I have not been doing any painting or blogging…

My other grand sons are all doing well too.  The almost 12 year old is in an Archery tournament this weekend and did very well.  His brother the 10 year old just did a trumpet solo in band and their little brother, who is now 14 months is climbing and running everywhere…keeping the entire family on their toes…he loves playing with his Labradors and helping his Daddy in the yard…

I am very, very, very Blessed.  Happy Memorial Day weekend everyone….

Updates and What's Been Happening Around Here...

So much has been going on….I just had my sister come visit for a week and we had so much fun painting in our Art Journals, buying supplies at the many art/craft stores with our coupons, yard sailing and searching for bargains in the thrift stores.  It was SO GOOD having that one on one time with her.  I miss my family so much…and she is my only sister.  We have four brothers.

Another huge event, is my youngest daughter is having my first grand daughter mid April.  I will be going to stay with her for a couple, three weeks after she delivers.  She only has almost four months of maternity leave, so I will be taking Izzy my dog, and moving in with them in California to help out with the baby until she is old enough to be placed in Day Care.  I'll probably stay with them through December.

I am praying a reliable, child loving person will come into our lives and help my daughter and son in law feel comfortable in hiring a "stranger" who might become a trusted and extended member of their family…

I am also praying Izzy adjusts to an entirely different environment, people and their two Labradors.  Typically, Izzy has a "Napoleon Complex" barking and carrying on toward larger dogs.  I am hoping her preference to be around me helps her adjust and adapt.  I'd hate to leave her home with my husband, because I am STILL trying to walk off the extra weight she gained from my last three week trip to California in January. According to our Vet, Izzy needs to lose 8 pounds…yikes!

My youngest grandson's first birthday is the end of this month and we will board her while we are gone…so no doubt she will lose a few pounds over the weekend…at least I hope she does.

While I am in California, caring for my grand daughter, my husband will come out monthly for a week or two and stay with us and then return home to hold down the home front.

I am hoping, when my husband comes out, we can check out various properties and see if I can persuade him to move back to California.  I miss my two daughters, my four grand sons and now, soon,  new grand daughter.  I want to be more available for my Mom and I miss my family and friends.

I have been watching the news coverage daily.  My heart aches for all the families, loved one's and friends of Malaysian Airlines Flight 370.  I cannot imagine the roller coaster of hope and horror those people are all going through these past two weeks.  I am praying for a miracle….and hopefully, the plane is found.

Last but not least, I am still holding firm with my weight loss and am still deliberating and indecisive about whether to use this blog as my new art blog, or to create a new one.  My painting is more frequent then it was last year, but still no where close to daily, or even weekly….which disappoints me.

Packing up Dad's Things and Remembering. Weekend in Laguna and Visiting Family.

I just returned from an extended trip to California.  I helped Mom with some heavy cleaning around her home and we sorted through all Dad's clothes and things she still had in the garage.  We donated most of it, but I kept three of his handkerchiefs.  I gave one to my sister and I kept two.  Dad ALWAYS carried a handkerchief.  I can still remember his sneeze and the way he blew his nose... Makes me smile just to think of it...

I took some of his shoe-stretchers for my husband, a letter opener and the noisy cow bell Dad used to hang from the front door when he lived at home.  He was so paranoid about someone breaking into the house. He was sure that noisy thing would startle any intruders and would certainly let him know trouble was in progress.

We still have so many of his books in Mom's office.  Dad had made book shelves in the closet to store some of them.  He had old college class books from Cal Poly on Mathematics, Science, Botany, Fertilization, Drafting, Design; books on Chess, Nature, Gold Mining and lots of  How to Fix It type books.

Mom still feels too disrespectful to get rid of them because Dad always held his books with such high regard...

One of the chores I did for Mom was to trim the Pomegranate tree outside her back porch.  I started that tree over fifty years ago when I used to steal the fruit off a neighbors tree, bring it home and sit on the back porch, spitting out the white part of the seeds after I had eaten the juicy red parts.  The tree is huge and produces so much fruit.

Mom sat on the patio and kept me company, often telling me to stop and rest...which I ignored.  I was using one of Dad's old Loppers, which had not been sharpened in several years.  Mom said I grimaced the same way Dad did when he trimmed it.  I told her I felt Dad was with me, helping guide me as to what branches to cut and which to keep.  I really did.

I have fond memories of Dad and I working in the yard together...he would always start by telling me the plants technical name and then it's common name.  He would tell me how much water to give it and how to trim the leaves, as if he were talking about a child I needed to know about when I babysat.  Some how he always made me feel like we were doing something so important and doing it with honor for living things.

He had me talking to the plants and feeling perfectly sane in doing so.  Later, after I moved out into my own apartment, I would leave classical music on for my plants.  I am still convinced it is why they all flourished and grew so big and healthy.

I attended one of my son in law's Mother's Memorial.  She battled cancer for over a year and died early Christmas morning.  It was a wonderful service.  My son in law and one of his dear friends worked on an extremely moving video of her life.  Very emotional.  A young 9 year old girl, unrelated to the family, other than friendship, had adopted Me-Maw (as all the grand kids called her) as her Grandmother-Me-Maw.
She wanted to sing a song in her honor and sang, In the Arms of an Angel.  If the song was not enough, her voice was like an angel, and there was not a dry eye in the entire room!

I spent a couple days with my youngest daughter, son in law and my three year old grandson....who was constantly reminding me of his baby sister residing in his Mother's belly and how she will be here soon to play with him...They had all been sick with the flu after the Memorial and my daughter was due to have her shower for my first grand daughter the day before I was to leave.  I said a prayer to keep me healthy and not to have my back go out as I disregarded all warnings by family members to not go because I might get sick.

I am happy to say, my daughter and son in law were able to get plenty of rest so she was able to attend her shower and I did not get sick or throw out my back.

I also visited my oldest daughter and my three grand sons.  Can you believe the 9 month old is walking already?  Or should I say, running?  And on his tip toes??  He has a rough time cutting teeth and constantly grunts to communicate.... He sounds like a little cave man, or a baby bear or elephant.  Once in a while he lets out a squeal...a laugh...usually when one of his brothers come into the room.  The older brother is 11 and the younger one is 9.  The baby just lights up with both of them and they get the biggest charge out of the little guy.

It was so good seeing everyone...I miss them so much.  I am grateful I am only 3.5 or 4 hours away instead of having to hop on a plane and fly to them.

Mom, my sister Holly, my youngest daughter and I had all planned to spend Martin Luther King weekend in Laguna Beach at the Pacific Edge Hotel.  Since my daughter was still sick, she did not get to join us.  We had a wonderful, relaxing time, but decided to come home one day early because my daughter felt so bad missing the weekend she insisted on still paying her portion.  By leaving early, we paid a little bit less than what our portions would have been if she had come.

My sister and I took a long walk on the beach, taking pictures and walked quite a ways.  There were several people walking their dogs on the beach, but on our way back, I noticed a woman walking a huge, white wolf.  I brought it to the attention of my sister and she did not believe me.  Sure enough, it was a rescued wolf from a sanctuary in Lucerne Valley.

A few months ago, I had been to a Meditation class.  I was particularly focused on wanting to connect with my Dad.  Instead, I got a visit from a big white wolf who guided me through the woods, lush plants and flowers to a clearing on a bluff above the ocean.  I sat with the wolf and enjoyed the view.

I asked the woman if the wolf had a name and she told me his name was Journey.  I got goose pimples thinking of my white wolf vision and the title of my blog being Mystical Journeys... It gave me such a good, peaceful feeling, as if it was destiny.

Getting Ready for the Alzheimer's Walk in Dad's Honor...

This coming Thursday I leave for California.  Our family is walking in the Alzheimer's Walk in Huntington Beach, CA on Saturday November 3, 2013.  

My preparation?  Walking my dog once or twice a day...There is a 2 mile and a 4 mile walk, but I can do 4 miles easy. (I hope).  We'll all be walking and talking, pushing the nephews and grand sons in strollers and the time will fly by.

Mom is not sure if she can find her fold up camping chair so she can sit on the side of the road and cheer us on...depends on the weather.  I know she wants to be with us, but there is no way she could walk it.  If we can get our hands on a wheel chair, we could push her...

My grand son turned 9 years old yesterday.  He was THRILLED he passed the height test so he could ride the bumper cards at the fun place he chose to go for his celebration.  I am looking forward to seeing him, along with the 11 year old and the newest grand son who is coming up on 7 months. He's a turbo-crawler and is pulling himself up into a standing position at the couch and then holding on with one hand, attemping to take a step.  He so wants to walk and run like his big brothers...

My youngest daughter is pregnant again and we were all surprised to learn she is having a GIRL!  My first grand daughter.  Her 3 year old son Jacob is getting more excited about being a big brother to a baby sister. My daughter is due in April, 2014.  This pink bundle will make my fifth grand child!!

I've been lying low and taking it easy this month and it feels good.  Since the weather has cooled off I have been re-focusing on de-cluttering.  I really want to clean out our garage so I can have the option to park my car in there if I want to.

We celebrated our 4 year Adoption Day for our rescue dog Izzy.  I gave her a bath, took her for some walks, got her some chew treats, a new toothbrush, a jacket and a bag of Greenies.  She's a happy girl.

We also celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary by going to a movie (Captain Philips) and to see Big Elvis. For years Big Elvis has been at Bill's Gamblin' Hall but due to their renovations, moved to Harrah's and does three shows a day, four days a week.  The FREE shows are 2:00 pm, 3:30 pm and 5:00 pm Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday.  His show at the Piano Bar inside Harrah's is dark on Wednesday and the weekends.
He really sounds like Elvis, but does the entire show sitting in his throne and occasionally stands up to do a short shimmy or Elvis move.... He really sounds like Elvis and puts on a great show.  We had a really good time.  If you come to Vegas, you should check it out.  He has won first place in yearly Elvis Impersonation Contests.

We also went to the MOB MUSEUM in downtown Vegas.  It is housed in the old Federal Building where the Mafia trials were held.  It is three stories of memorabilia and interactive displays and videos.  We spent over three hours in there.  We went to celebrate my husband's birthday.  We both really enjoyed it.  We get a Local discount and got in for $10 each.  Once you pay the entry fee, you get a band on your wrist and can park there all day as long as the museum is open and go in and out in case you get hungry and want to go downtown and get some lunch.  Another Vegas attraction worth a visit...

I will post pictures of the walk upon my return.

Woeful Weariness...

My brother B____ from Ohio arrived in Ontario this past Monday.  He was praying Dad would recognize him and realize he had come to see Dad...  He has been at Dad's bedside every day reading the Bible to Dad.

Mom has been going with my brother as she would not want him to go alone because it is flat out too emotionally difficult for most of us to go alone.

His first time seeing Dad my brother asked if he knew who he was because when Dad looked at him, Dad didn't respond.  All of us have always looked forward and enjoyed Dad's exuberant welcoming.  His face lights up and he rushes to greet us with big bear hugs and smiles.  Dad looked at my brother and responded, "Yes, you are my son."  No emotion.  I think Dad is just too tired to muster up any excitement.

I experienced the same thing the last time I visited Dad with Mom....Dad kept his hands clasped in his lap and did not respond happily to my calling him my pet name, "Papa Doots".  He usually ignites into joyful happiness, calls out my name and reaches to pull me in for a hug and kiss.  He did none of that and it made me cry.

I think he is "on his last road" toward the Lord...

It seems everything is an effort....even eating.

We've discussed the possibility of suggesting a soft food diet, but have concerns it might hasten a disinterest in eating...knowing, eventually, he will stop eating...

I was suppose to leave Tuesday, which I rescheduled to Wednesday...and now it will be tomorrow, Thursday, before I leave to drive to California...

I am all packed, but I am emotionally exhausted.

It takes so much intestinal fortitude to prepare myself for the 250 mile drive to Mom's house knowing what we all face when I get there; plus the emotional preparation I need to psyche myself up to go see Dad...I feel wiped out before I even leave.

I feel Dad slipping away, knowing soon he will be out of our sight and will live in our hearts and memories...

Despite preparing one's self for a parent's death, when it gets close, and I am certain when it comes, the flood gates will open and many tears of sadness and frustration will cover our lives for months and possibly years to come...

Yet, at the same time, intertwined with our grief will be relief.  Dad is not really aware of all his physical and medical issues...he lives in the demented bubble, where he may be aware for a nano second, only to have the thought dissolve as he diverts to the face of a pretty nurse.  If he were conscious and aware, he would abruptly have a heart attack.

Dad lived haunted by unmet expectations demanded by his Father.  Consequently, it crippled him from making important or quick decisions.  He was a serial procrastinator with anything urgent.  He lived in denial from the ability to not see how it affected those around him.  He over analyzed to the point of exhaustion.  He made a career out of going in circles.  His one and only focus was his family. He loved all of us without question, we could all feel it...but we knew he was not reliable except for limited conversations.

Mom ALWAYS filled in the gaps Dad left. Much of the time, we resented her for it...Now we look back in awe at what she did daily without acknowledgment. She was the-go-to-person we all went to when there was a problem.  Dad would listen and give advice, but he could not follow up or be responsible for helping, except for physical labor.  We collectively felt and accepted his weaknesses. We never confronted him on it, we just lived with it.  Dad was intelligent, strong as an ox, spiritual, gentle, kind, imaginative, inventive, a nature lover, farmer, spoke to and understood both plants and animals almost better than he could relate to humans; he was introspective, eccentric, quirky and quiet and we loved him for who he was.

I speak of Dad in the past tense because he is.  The Dad we see today is no where close to the Dad we knew and lived with all our lives. Dad was always puttering. I can think of three times when I saw Dad lying down during the day; when he had mumps, when his appendix burst and with blood poisoning from a redwood splinter... We see what we want to see now because we cannot bare to see the shell of a man left behind from the insidious plague called Alzheimer's .  The disease is an invisible thief, sneaking into one's life stealing slowly and indiscriminately until everything is gone and one is left with nothing but loss and death.

It makes my soul ache to see Dad the way he is.  I would not wish this disease on my worst enemy...

When I see Dad I have this soft ball sized lump lodged in my throat, my eyes constantly water and I feel like I am visiting some one else's Father not knowing what to say...

All the history we shared throughout our lives are now intermittent.  Some times he seems to relate, but most of the time, he doesn't.  I am relieved he closes his eyes most of the time, because the blank stare when he looks at me is so much worse.

I find the only way I can motivate myself to go see him is the faith we share, the memories we savor and the knowledge we must gather around him while we all wait for the glorious chariot from the sky to come and carry our Father home...

Updates, Another Trip to California, a Difficult Visit and Decision for Dad's Care Conference...

I arrived in California last Wednesday (May 15th) and spent two days with my oldest daughter in Beaumont. My oldest grand son (the 10 year old) did a report on Mickey Mantle.  As part of his report, he was to dress as the person he wrote about and stand like a statue in front of his display.  He had a button which we all had to push and then my grand son would begin to recite his report.  He had 17 people push his button.  We all enjoyed all the individual and interesting reports his class mates selected as well.

I helped my daughter prepare and make decorations for my younger daughter Jodee's Bridal shower on May 19th, held and talked with my newest grandson, Baby G as well as his brothers... (My oldest daughter is very protective of her boys, so again, she is my disclaimer as she will not allow me to put any pictures or mention the names of the 10 year old, the 8 year old or the newest, Baby G.)

Friday I drove to Mom's home and spent the night.  We had visits from two of my brothers, which ended up being a really fun time filled with laughter as we looked through the family pictures Mom and I were sorting through.

Saturday morning, Mom and I drove to Claremont to meet my sister Holly for a delayed Birthday and Mother's Day celebration. We enjoyed a relaxing breakfast at Walter's restaurant in the Village, then did some thrift store and other shopping before a nice lunch at Chili's in Glendora where we also saw the movie The  Big Wedding, which was a HUGE disappointment and I would NOT RECOMMEND it.

Since twisting my ankle last November, I can no longer wear flip flops.  I found some really comfortable shoes by Sketcher's called GO WALKS, which are a slip on tennis shoe.  VERY COMFORTABLE.  I bought them at Kohl's and told both Mom and Holly about them.  Mom hates to shop, so she usually waits in the car while my sister and I shopped.  We decided to buy Mom a pair and split the cost.  We had Mom try them on in the parking lot...and she LOVED THEM!  Happy Mother's Day Mom!!!

Sunday, my sister, my nephew's wife (Mother of my sister's FIRST GRAND SON), several of my daughter's friends, Mom and I attended my youngest daughter's Bridal shower.  She looked beautiful and we all had a great time. The highlight was my oldest daughter asking my youngest daughter questions asked to my daughter's fiancé.  For every wrong answer, Jodee had to shove a piece of Double-Bubble gum into her mouth, chew it and continue to answer questions.  Thankfully, for her, she answered 10 right out of 15...and technically, four of the five were right, but the girlfriend holding the bubble gum was very motivated to keep sticking it into her mouth...  My oldest daughter did a magnificent job of decorating as well as baking all the yummy goodies. It was a fun shower.

The rest of my visit I stayed with Mom, finishing our "photo project" sorting through all the family photos.  We had so many, we decided to make a big envelope for each kid in the family.  Now Mom has all the family photos all organized and in labeled photo boxes.  I did some cleaning and more de-cluttering so Mom can get the carpets cleaned, buy a new living room set and hire a cleaning lady.

Last Monday I called and made reservations for our favorite hotel in Laguna to stay in January for three nights.  Mom, my daughter Jodee, my sister Holly and I are going.  My older daughter Holly may join us for a day.  We used to go every year, but have not gone for the past three or four years.

This past Tuesday, May 21, 2013, was my Dad's Care Conference.  Mom usually attends alone with me attending via the telephone.  It turned out to be my turn for a depressing visit...  I was very emotional and Mom was forced to be the strong one...

Mom and I found Dad parked in his wheel chair against the wall, slumped over with both his eyes closed.  His hair was combed nicely, his hands were "lubed up" (due to his dry skin) and he wore a nice, soft, baby blue jogging suit with a beige t-shirt.  He looked frail, thin and gaunt.

 I went over to him and gently put my hand on his shoulder and greeted him with my pet name for him, "Papa-Doots".... no response...

I shook his shoulder softly and called to him again.  Very softly, so low I could barely hear what he was saying, he shook his head in disagreement...

Shaken, I went back over to where Mom had been standing, talking with one of the care givers.  Doctor-Doctor walked up wheeling another patient and gave us both hugs.  She stopped and looked around the corner and said something to another nurse who went over and bent over talking to Dad....

I watched and did not see him responding to her either.  Mom and I decided we would wheel him outside thinking it was too noisy for him to hear...

After wheeling him outside, he opened one eye and responded warmly to Mom...calling her "Lynnie, his wife..."  He told her how beautiful she looked and how happy she looked.  Mom told Dad I was there...

I sat in front of Dad on his "good ear" side, and greeted him again...his clasped hands never left his lap, he smiled and greeted me, calling me Donna...but did not reach out for a hug as he usually does.  I did not feel he knew who I was...I brought my camera and took pictures...

We asked if the sun felt good on his back and he said it did.  Mom asked if he would like his sunglasses and left to go check his room for He had not had a morning shave and his eyebrows and mustache needed trimming...

I asked how he felt...."Fine...I feel just fine..."

I asked if his teeth hurt..."No, I grit my teeth hard to keep them strong....I am afraid of losing them." 

I watched as he gritted his teeth and made a mental note to ask the Social Worker at the nursing home to schedule Dad for a teeth cleaning...

I asked if his foot hurt..."No, it feels fine..."

I asked if his right eye hurt...."Yes, it hurts all the time..... I close my eyes and pretend I am blind so it makes me feel more comfortable..."

I was on the verge of tears anyway, so this pushed me over the edge and I began softly crying because I did not want him to hear...and thankfully, he kept his eyes closed so he could not see me...

All I could manage was, I love you Dad...

"I love you too Donna..."

I sat and memorized his face, as I often do on my visits...never taking for granted the fact it could be the last time I see him...The skin cancer on his upper lip looks like an open sore.  It makes it difficult for the care givers to shave around it, so they are allowing him to have a mustache.  Dad has always been meticulous in his grooming...so his tongue was constantly patrolling the edge of his mustache which was a bit un-even and needed a little trimming....

I asked Dad about his breakfast and he responded by telling me he did not eat that much...(although his male nurse told us he ate everything...)

Mom reappeared and announced she could not find his sunglasses.... (Mom and I have been de-cluttering and cleaning her home and found a couple of pairs...so Mom will bring them next visit...)

Mom saw how upset I was, so she chatted with Dad about family news in a cheerful and animated voice.... Dad enjoyed it...smiling....but still talking very softly...Dad kept yawning, opening his mouth to the biggest, longest yawns....We asked if he was tired and he told us he wasn't...

In between lulls in the conversation, Dad would announce random fears.... "I'm afraid the moon will fall on me... When I fly high in the sky, I am afraid to touch the moon...."

Mom skillfully changed the subject and told Dad she would soon be 86 in June...

"That's old...", Dad announced.  Both Mom and I chuckled.

I told Dad I would be 66 in June....no comment by Dad...although I thought I detected a rise in his bushy eyebrows...

Mom asked Dad how old he would be...."Around 95" he stated... Mom reminded Dad he would be 93 in November.

"I'll take it." Dad smiled...

Mom asked how many children they shared....

"Five kids?"  Mom corrected him again and told him they had six....and went on to inform him they had 12 grand kids and 5 great grand kids.

"Babies make me happy..." Dad sighed.  Mom smiled, telling him how good he always was with all the children and grand children...

"I like horses soft noses..." Dad announced, changing the subject... I agreed with him on how soft horses noses were and how much we used to enjoy feeding the horses, and how their soft lips would tickle the palm of our hands as their lips would feel and search for the apples and carrots we would feed them.  (I had a roan gelding quarter horse when I was a teenager and Dad and I would go up to the stables where we boarded "Rusty" and feed him.)

"I like riding horses....but I am afraid to fall off..."

I told Dad if he pretended or dreamed of riding horses, he would never fall off....

Dad exploded into a laugh-cough and told me, "That's right!"

"I like swimming in the Don River..."  (We think this is a river Dad used to swim in in Connecticut...)

Mom complimented Dad on his swimming and how good of a swimmer he was...

"You used to like to swim too..." (meaning Mom)  Mom quickly reminded him she did not swim (and still does not to this day)....

"Grandpa Watt loved to swim too...he LOVED the cold water.  He used to take ice baths to prepare him to swim in the North Sea..."  (in Ireland).

Mom and I agreed....Dad tells the story of his grand father a lot....

"I'm afraid of cold water....I don't like it..."

I told Dad not to worry...we'd make sure the water was nice for swimming...

"I don't worry anymore...."  (Dad's mouth opened in a huge yawn, wide enough to see the back of his throat...)

Both of us told Dad we were glad to hear it...

"I always liked a lot of room....now I have it."

Mom and I looked at one another with questioned expressions...then shrugged and continued to listen to Dad...who continued to yawn like a garage door opening....

Mom pointed to her watch, indicating it was time for Dad's Care Conference...Mom leaned into Dad and told him we had an appointment so we would not have time to stay for lunch with him.  Dad told her it was OK....

At Dad's Care Conference, we were happy to have the newest Hospice nurse sitting in with the rest of us.  She has been excellent in keeping me informed of Dad's vitals, sending pictures of Dad's foot, following up on recent blood tests taken on Dad and updates on Dad's weight.

The nursing staff and wound care personnel for the nursing home have done an incredible job in keeping Dad's skin cancer growth on his toe, from infection over the past four years...but it is beginning to get a slight odor.  The doctor ordered a blood test and Dad's WBC has been steadily rising from 19.3 to 23.8.  Dad's doctor has had Dad on antibiotics and antibiotic cream for ten days at a time, then repeats the blood test.  Dad is due for another blood test May 26th or 27th when the ten days of antibiotics is complete.

Dad weighs 125.  His weight continues to go down, despite his appetite.

We reviewed Dad's Advance Directives... Our family has been discussing Dad's foot and have decided rather than amputating Dad's foot (if the infection should lead to it) we have decided allowing the infection to take him, keeping him medicated so he would not feel any pain, would be the most humane.  All the staff agreed it was much better than putting him through surgery.

Dad is being given Tylenol 500mg every 12 hours.  I asked the staff to monitor him closely and to consider giving him it more often with the possibility of giving him something stronger if indicated as Dad may not be able to articulate he is in pain... The Hospice nurse said she would follow up with Dad's doctor.

Dad has very poor circulation in his legs which adds to the difficulty is treating the skin cancer on his baby toe.  In the past, Dad's doctor has said if we did amputate, it would have to be taken above his knee due to the poor circulation.  Dad's doctor has been doing weekly Cryotherapy treatments to prevent the growth from getting too big.

Mom shared how much Barbara Karnes, a popular speaker, Author and Hospice Nurse, had helped her make difficult decisions for both herself and Dad.  Mom has contacted the Neptune Society and arranged for both her and Dad's final arrangements.  Mom also shared how meeting and talking with Barbara Karnes had given her such peace, eliminating her fear of death and dying.

Mom, my husband and I had recently attended a lecture from Barbara Karnes in Pasadena, CA while in California for my niece's wedding the beginning of May.  We all really enjoyed it as well as meeting Barbara.  Several of the staff were unfamiliar with her, but the Hospice nurse opened her binder showing us two of Ms. Karnes' books.  (If interested, you can read her blog on link on top left column of my blog or read here.)

Several of the nurses and staff attending the Conference shared their personal stories in caring for their loved ones who had died.  It was very moving and emotional listening and sharing.  Two of the nurses had tears in their eyes when Mom and I shared the family decision...they genuinely care so much for Dad.  We feel they are an extension of our family. We have been so blessed to have found this particular nursing home... the level of care has been extraordinary.  The atmosphere is very homey and we have always commented on how the staff is always friendly and smiling...

After the Care Conference, Mom and grabbed some lunch "to go" and went to her Alzheimer's Support Group.  She has a wonderful group of women and men to rally around her along with  a compassionate and well informed Facilitator, who has become a dear friend.

I have been traveling back and forth between Nevada and California either alone or with my husband for various family events as well as visiting Dad since December, so my blogging as been few and far between.  This month I was in California twice.  Some days I don't know whether I am coming or going...

I have been commissioned to do an acrylic painting measuring 24" x 24".  It is to be delivered by the end of June, so next month, despite family high school, grammar school graduations and birthdays I am planning on staying home to complete the painting.

Holding His Own...(& Sharing Grand Son Stories)

I called the nursing home today to check on Dad.  He is eating well and gained a pound.  He weighs 133.  Dad is weighed every Sunday, so tomorrow I will find out if he kept that pound on or lost more.
Super Bowl Sunday they called to tell me Dad lost two more pounds...

Last Tuesday, I called the nursing home to check on Dad and the Supervisor answered the phone.  She told me she meant to call me the night before, but it was so late...she wanted to let me know Dad's physician took him off the Aracept and put him on Namenda.  I knew he was going to do this as he had told me in his more recent email.  Apparently the Aracept has a weight loss side effect, which Namenda doesn't and Namenda is better for the later stages of Alzheimer's.

The supervisor also told me the doctor had lowered Dad's Digoxin from 2.5 to 1.5 and put Dad on Remeron to increase his appetite.  I IMMEDIATELY TOLD HER IT WAS SUPPOSE TO BE ON DAD'S CHART NOT TO HAVE REMERON....  that is the medication the psychiatrist used to keep switching Dad from it to the Lexapro.  The Remeron made Dad agitated, mean, combative and he wanted to leave, calling Mom and yelling at her.

The Supervisor said the doctor had just left so if she hung up she might be able to page him.  We hung up and I immediately sent the doctor an email, reminding him of why Dad was not suppose to be on the Remeron.

I called the nursing home back and she told me she reached the doctor and Dad would not be getting the Remeron.  Dad's doctor also emailed me, assuring me he stopped the order before Dad got it.  He also told me he had done another cryotherapy treatment on Dad and he had tolerated it well.

I emailed him back letting him know I did not think we should give Dad meds to increase his appetite.  If he truly is in the later stages of Alzheimer's and slowing down....I don't think we should force him to eat if he does not want to.

I wanted to speak with Dad, but he was sleeping. His male caretaker for today told me he was up in his wheel chair and went to activities today.  I thanked him for all he does for Dad and encouraging Dad to eat and join in.  We are very, very blessed to have Dad where he is...

                  ************

Sharing stories and pics of my grand sons:  The ten year old had just come home from a band performance, having just found out he made Advanced Band (he plays the clarinet)... dressed in dark slacks, a white long sleeved shirt and tie.  His Mom told him he looked like an FBI agent and my grandson retorts, "I feel more like James Bond.  Take my picture Mom and I'll pose..."

So she grabbed the camera... He touched his tie, cocked his head to one side, and posed like he was alertly walking... She snapped the picture....

Chuckling, my daughter commented on his pose, and my grand son says, "I like my cereal shaken, not stirred." (After Bond's famous line, "I like my martini, shaken, not stirred.")

She forwarded his comment and the picture to me via text on my phone and my husband and I cracked up.  Both my daughter and I were laughing when I called her after receiving the text.  What a character!  Our family is blessed with a WONDERFUL sense of humor.

The ten year old's brother, the eight year old, is catching up to his older brother in height and clothes size.  He is wearing a size 12, the same as his older brother.  The ten year old complained to his Mom, "Hey, I am suppose to be the alpha brother, I don't want to share my jeans with him."

The eight year old overheard his comment and quipped back, "Then you better eat more popcorn like I do, instead of all those vegetables."  

The ten year old rolls his eyes up at his Mom and said, "See what I have to deal with? I can't wait for G****** (his soon to arrive brother the end of March or beginning of April) to get here...then I'll have someone to share the load."  If I ever want to write a children's book, I got plenty of material and dialogue!

The eight year old is fearless, gregarious, also has a sharp wit and often figures out difficult video games when his older brother is stumped....which ticks the older one off despite being proud of his younger brother, calling him a wizard.

The ten year old is into all sports, everything & anything, doing everything well, except for his biggest challenge of keeping quiet in class. Both boys do very well in school.  The ten year old is not fond of sports, but loves making music, creative writing, computers and video games.  He is more reserved, but can hold his own often making comical or poignant observations.

Little G***** will arrive soon...their little brother, my fourth grand son and our tenth shared grand child...(My older daughter Holly, prefers I don't post pictures or their names at this particular time...)

Here is my latest pictures of little Jacob, my youngest grand son... so far.  He is 2 years, 5 months.

Swinging at the park in January on Mom's day off...

My youngest daughter Jodee and Jacob in February, just before Valentines Day, at Disneyland.

I will be visiting in California for my oldest daughter Holly's baby shower, babysit my husband's two grand daughter's a few days, visit Dad, family and drive back with my daughter Jodee as she will be attending a trade show here in Vegas.  We have shopping and planning to do for her upcoming wedding in July....

Everyone have a great, safe and happy weekend.

~dkb~

Preparing For The Road To Love...

We are going to CA this coming Friday.  I am in need of some hugging and laughing with my two daughters and kissing and loving on my grand sons.  We decided to take Izzy with us.  My oldest daughter's family got a chocolate lab and have named him Dutch.  I think I posted some pics of him...(yes, I did, I was bragging about my "grand pup"...) Oh well, I will post another...

I have been doing laundry and washing clothes.  We are also having one of my husband's Irish friends over this Thursday to celebrate St. Patrick's Day with us.

I took Izzy in to get trimmed up for our trip...I cannot believe the groomer was able to affix a ribbon in her fur.  Generally, Izzy does one good shake, and the ribbon goes flying...see it on top of her head?  Look at that smile!

 Doesn't she look cute?

This is Izzy's cousin...my Grand pup

Dutch 

This morning while I was walking with Izzy, the nursing home called. The wound care nurse wanted me to know she was still treating Dad's pinkie toe wound.  Due to his poor leg circulation, it is slow to heal.  At least it is not infected.

Christmas Blessings To All My Blogging Friends...

Today I will spend the day baking and packing.  I will not post anything until we return next week.  I hope to catch up visiting everyone's blogs...

We leave tomorrow on "the road to love" to spend Christmas in California with the rest of our family.  I am so looking forward to seeing my family, my three grandsons, my daughters, my sister, my Mom and Dad and my brothers.

May each and every one of you dear fellow bloggers have save travels, both going and coming, and enjoy however each of you choose to spend Christmas Day.  May you each stay healthy, happy, warm and well fed. 

Love to all of you!!!  Donna

Christmas Blessings

to all

my

Blogging friends...

Please click on the link below:

http://www.jacquielawson.com/viewcard.asp?code=2007134554829&source=jl999

The First Of Our Two November Trips To California...

My husband and I were on The Road To Love, by 11:30 am this morning.  We had originally planned to meet with one of my high school girlfriends for lunch.  I called her on the road and rescheduled,  making it a dinner.  The drive went well.  My husband and I listened to Talk Radio most of the way and had some interesting conversation.

We arrived at my Mom's house in Covina, Ca by 4 pm. Mom gave us the tour of the house showing us the improvements she has implemented.  So good to see the ol' homestead spruced up!  We unloaded the car and then invited Mom to come to dinner with us.

My friend had arrived early, so we joined her and all of us had a wonderful dinner and conversation at Marie Calenders.  My husband had never met her before, so he was such a good sport listening to all the talk about fellow high school buddies.  Mom knew a lot of the people we discussed, so my wonderful husband was a real trooper and as always, an excellent listener.

We said our good byes and rushed home to watch Survivor.  Mom does not have a DVR and we all are big fans of the show.

Tomorrow we meet my daughter Jodee and baby Jacob for lunch and then finish all the last minute details for Dad's 90th birthday party on the 5th.  My husband and I are staying at Mom's until Saturday, then we will drive out to my oldest daughter, Holly's house.  We will stay with her until the 10th, then we will drive back home.

We will drive back out a second time for Thanksgiving...

No Pressure, Right?

Having returned from California this past Saturday, my husband and I took to the couch and slept.  It's a combination of emotional, mental and physical exhaustion.  I feel so behind in my blog posts and we are not suppose to feel like that...  No pressure, right?

I think I need another day to re coop...

GOT THE CALL AT 4:03 AM!!!!!!

It is 7am and I am getting ready to load the car and take Izzy to the Vet for boarding, then on my way to CALI...need to talk to my oldest daughter, as she is who I will stay with while my youngest daughter is in the hospital, then will stay with my Mom when my daughter goes back home...

I am SO EXCITED and have major nervous stomach for my baby, who is having her first baby!!

More later...love you guys!!!

Off Tommorrow On The Road To Love...

I leave (hopefully) early tomorrow morning for California.  Thursday and Friday I will be helping Mom around her house.  Saturday, I spend with my sister.  Sunday is my daughter's baby shower for little Jacob.  It will be announced at the shower on Sunday what his middle name will be...

Sunday, I will see both my daughters and many friends I have not seen in a long while, at the shower.  I hope we can work it out so my brothers, sister, Mom and I can all get together for a dinner and conversation.

Monday is my Dad's CT Scan.  We would really appreciate every one's prayers and positive thinking, so Dad may not even need sedation for his CT Scan, but if he does, let him recuperate quickly with no lasting effects.

Monday night I spend the night with my eldest daughter and my two grandsons, and then I leave Tuesday morning.

I had a dead battery this morning, and getting that resolved, put me way behind in doing all I need to do before I leave tomorrow.  Turns out it was not the battery, but the hardware attaching the cables to the battery.  They did not have the part needed, and know how important my trip to CALI is, so they did a kind of patch job by replacing the hardware.  Hopefully, it will not give me any problems...

Until we talk again...happy weekend to everyone...hugs and Blessings to you all!!

Road Trip...California here I come...

First and foremost, I want to apologise to all my blog friends.  I have been way behind responding back to your comments, and visiting you..  I can't promise I will have much time in CALI, but upon my return, I WILL catch up! Once this Reverse Mortgage is behind us, I think things will get back to me spending more time on the computer.

I leave this morning for Corona to enjoy the day with my youngest daughter.  The one who is pregnant with her first baby, our 9th grand child! 

Friday morning, I leave my daughter and drive to the nursing home in West Covina to visit Dad.  Then over to Mom's for lunch and a movie.  At 5:30pm I meet my sister after she gets off work and spend the night with her.

Saturday morning, we both will attend a Journal Art Demo at STAMP YOUR HEART OUT in Claremont, CA.  The demo is being conducted by Marylinn Kelly at http://marylinnmlkelly.blogspot.com/
I had met Marylinn blogging online.  Turns out she knew my sister and used to work with her at the stamp store, STAMP YOUR HEART OUT.  My sister used to demo making cards.  Both of them had lost touch over the years and were so happy to reconnect.  This will be my first time meeting her.  Hopefully, she will have time to go out to lunch....

After the demo (lunch?) I drive back to Mom's and spend the rest of the day and evening with her. 

Sunday morning, Mother's Day, is our traditional lunch and a movie with Mom and my sister.  We also celebrate my sister's birthday, which is a few days later.  Afterwards, I drive to Beaumont, CA to stay with my eldest daughter, her husband and play with my two grand sons....

Although, I may have some competition, as my grand son's other Grandma gave them a three story fort complete with rock wall, something to drive and all kinds of stuff that makes little boys do their homework so they can get outside and play on it!!!

The youngest grand son has an Award ceremony at 11am on Tuesday, so I must attend that before I return home to pick up Izzy from boarding.  She has been so good lately....she is really turning out to be a wonderful pet!

My husband is working and having two of his buddies visit while I am away.  They are generally gone most of the time, and we all know, Izzy would not do well with three men!  She was watching me back her little suitcase, and she gets excited to go to the Vets.  The staff there are wonderful with her.  Izzy loves being around the other dogs, going on walks and having her treats...so it is working out for now...but I hope to have my husband putting on her halter / leash, himself, and walking her.  Maybe next year...

Can't wait to get on THE ROAD TO LOVE....talk with you soon!!

Off to California...

Hey everyone...will be checking in the next five days.  We leave tomorrow for CALI and will return on Monday...

Going house hunting, so we will see what we can find...and in the evenings spend time with the family, kids, and grand kids.  We are going to visit Dad and Mom on Thursday...

Wish us luck...we're gonna' need it, because so far, the pickings seem pretty slim...Here's hopin' a good house becomes available and we get a good offer on our home...

The adventure begins...

Another trip to Ca on the road to love...

Despite the on and off rain, I got most of my errands and cleaning done before I leave.  I will board Izzy tomorrow at her Vets again. This time for five days.  She did very well over the Christmas holidays, staying four days.  Before we boarded her for the holidays, we boarded her over night, just to make sure she knew we were coming back.

My plan is to spend two days with Mom and visit Dad, a day with my sister, and two days with my daughters and grandsons.  My husband is having two of his buddies over while I am gone.

Right now I am so tired the thought of a four hour car drive across the desert is the last thing I feel like doing...but give me a good night's sleep and I will be ready for another trip to California, on the road to love...

Closed for Christmas holidays...

Shock of shocks, I am actually going to leave my laptop home for a change, and just "be" with the family.  Looking forward to nice long conversations, lots of laughter, catching up with all my loved one's lives, and just sitting and enjoying everyone.

I can't wait to hold my grandsons in my arms and hear them talk all at once telling us what Santa brought them.  We'll play board games, video games and no doubt watch a couple DVDs.  Watching their expressions of excitement and getting deliriously intoxicated with love and fullfillment...something, only they can do...

Just being able to sit and gaze into my two daughter's faces, listening, watching, enjoying, loving.  I just can't wait!  For me, just being around family is better than just about anything...

We leave tomorrow...so see everyone when we get back...Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to everyone...

A period of adjustment...

There is a very high probability, that I am being too anal and overprotective with Izzy, but that is my nature.  When I am focused on something or someone, I devote my complete and total attention...so that is how I am and that is how I roll...

I got some very good advice last night from those closest to me.  My daughter suggested I be the one to scold Izzy when she barks and growls at my husband, because he can't, she is already afraid of him.  So last night when she barked and growled at him, I told her "No!" and took her into our room, where her crate is, and put in there for a time out.  I left her there for about 3 minutes (like Super Nanny instructs discipline with children), explained to her she was safe and I would protect her, but barking at my husband was unacceptable behavior.  She stood up, wagged her tail, and when she came back to the living room, she did not bark or growl the rest of the night, OR this morning when he was wearing his suit. (I am not kidding!) It may be a fluke, but it gives me hope...

My girlfriend reminded me dogs are generally more loyal to the one who rescued them. (Maybe my husband should rescue another dog and we can double our trouble??) That is why Izzy protects me and favors me.  We are just going through a period of adjustment...If we put in the time now, she will be so much better adjusted and well behaved.  It has only been 12 days, we are still getting used to one another.

Despite Mom being reluctant for me to bring Izzy, I really don't feel she will be any trouble. I need to see how she does on trips to California, because I make so many of them.  I have a strong instinct Izzy will want to please me and will mind her manners.  She will be much happier if she is with me.

I discovered she is not fearful of the vacuum, so that is unusual.  Most dogs and cats I had in the past ran and hide when I pulled out the vacuum.  She is doing so well on her potty training.  She has begun to not want to eat in the morning, she seems to prefer to eat later in the day, so I will take my cue from her... She sleeps an average of 7 hours in her crate at night, without any fanfare or fuss.  She rides well in the crate in the car. Tomorrow, on our way to California to celebrate Dad's 89th birthday, we will see how she does on a long car ride...

She loves her daily walks.  After our walk this morning, I gave her a bath.  Again, (I hate to brag, but..) she was so good...(Course I ended up taking one too) She sat in the sink as I washed her twice.  Bundled her in a towel and took her outside in the sunshine.  Gave her a good rub before I let her shake the rest off.  After a good shake from head to tail, she took off like a bullet train, smiling, leaping, bounding, I had to laugh!  She looked like she felt so good!  I know she sure smelled better!!

The road to love...

I am home in Nevada now. Made the trip in a little under 4 hours with two pee stops. Whether I am driving to California to visit family and friends, or back home to Nevada to return to my husband, it is the road to love...

I actually enjoy the drive. I can enjoy my music, think about creative pursuits, make plans and just think happy thoughts of anticipation upon my arrival. Before I lived in Nevada, I would always get so anxious about the drive because the road to and from Vegas always has these tales of horrific car accidents or people falling asleep. Then there was always the "traffic"...

Interestingly enough, I have not seen any horrific accidents and I rarely (knock on wood) have any traffic.

On the way home I chatted on my headset with my sister who was helping her daughter move into a fabulous condo in Long Beach. My youngest brother was yard sailing. My oldest daughter is on the last day of their family vacation. Today, they go to the beach and dig up the Pirate's "booty" Treasure Chest I had made for the boys. My youngest daughter is working and Mom is attending a Memorial of a dear friend of Mom and Dads, who just lost his Mother. I spoke with my second and third oldest brothers last night reminding me to "take it easy". My brother from Ohio called yesterday while Mom and I were on our home from our second visit to see Dad.

I had a great conversation with my best friend. Just a week ago we spent the day together and she helped me pick out clothes for Dad for Father's Day. My husband and I have our "check points" where we always call one another when traveling alone.

My wonderful husband had a sandwich all made for me when I got home. So now that I have a full tummy, I will unpack and maybe take a nap. Later, we'll go out to dinner and catch a show and enjoy one another.

I'm going to take the rest of the weekend and just relax...