September 6, 2013....A Day We Will Remember Forever.

Dad circa 1943

My husband and I arrived around 11:30am at Riverside National Cemetery in Riverside.  I completed the inscription request for Dad's Monument Plaque.   My husband and I had time to drive over to the Columbarium where my Dad's final resting place will be.  It is a double wide u shaped area, very nicely landscaped with stone benches with blue tile.

The day was muggy and hot with a few rain drops here and there, which quickly dried up after they fell. We met everyone at Staging Area One where we lined up to caravan to the covered area for the funeral.  Our official, Nathan, lead us in the procession to a beautiful grassy area up on a bluff, surrounded by large, thick pine trees.

Two Marines took at the beginning of the walk way and saluted as Mom and I carried the urn and Dad's flag.  I had brought a small picture of Dad and  it was placed beside his urn on a platform for the service.  The nursing home where Dad lived had sent the beautiful floral arrangement in the pictures.

Nathan explained the ceremony would begin with the Marines unfolding and unfurling the flag over Dad's urn, at which time the seven Marines would each fire three rounds each making a 21 Gun Salute, followed by the playing of Taps, by another Marine.  He said it was proper for those who had not been in the Military to put our hands over our hearts and those who had been in the Military would salute. We had ten Marines on deck in their Dress Blues.

He told us after Taps was played, a Marine would present the re-folded flag to Mom along with the spent casings from the 21 gun salute.  We all thought it was so ironic that Mom and Dad have 12 Grand Children, 5 Great Grand Children and 4 sons, which totals 21.  Each of them will get one of the casings.

The two Marines first took Dad's flag and each saluted it. One of those cool, respectful salutes in slow motion.  It really got me.  The two Marines unfolded the flag and then completely unfurled it and held it over Dad's remains during the 21 Gun Salute and Taps.  After Taps, they re-folded the flag, each saluted in slow motion again and then presented the flag and casings to Mom.

The pictures below are the Marines starting to unfold the flag...

Despite knowing the gun salute would begin, I became startled when the firing started and stopped taking pictures....the pictures below were taken by my sister.

The 21 Gun Salute with the lone Marine on the hill who played Taps.

When Taps started, I could hear my Mom softly crying.  I saw my brother out of the corner of my eye go to Mom's side to comfort her.  I was already crying and struggling to keep my composure... I dared not look at any of my family because I could hear them crying too.  I knew I was going to speak after they presented everything to Mom and I was determined to do that for Dad and my family...

While Taps was being played....

Re-folding of Dad's flag...

Presentation of the flag and gun casings to Mom....

I had planned to speak for two minutes... I had it written down on three note cards.  My voice began to quiver at the end of the first card and as I started in on the second, my sister Holly rushed up to my side and stood with me so I could finish...

Afterward, my brother's all hugged me and told me they would not be able to say anything after my words, because they all felt I covered everything.  Everyone was pleased with what I had said.

Nathan took a few minutes and told us how the Marines saved his life during battle so he was so honored to be present during Dad's funeral.  We all were very touched by the things he spoke of and the respect he paid to our Dad.  We all agreed how honored we all feel having Dad's final resting place in such a hallowed location.

My daughters and grand sons had written letters so those went with Nathan, who took possession of Dad's urn and his picture.  He would place all of it in the niche in the Columbarium later on that day and we would be able to visit Dad's final resting place after 4pm.  He told us he would personally see the flowers were watered the next few days.

We all stood around hugging and noticed what a nice cool breeze had come up and was gently refreshing all of us....we all knew it was a gift from Dad. 

I shared the location of Dad's niche with everyone and asked if anyone wanted to see it.  Everyone decided they would wait until the final plaque is placed in 6-8 weeks and then we will go visit.  We agreed whomever is the first to visit would take a picture for everyone.

My son in law took video of the service on my brother's phone, so hopefully, we can figure out how to get it on a CD for everyone.  My brother S_____ is working on it.

I will be taking a break from blogging for a bit...I planned on converting what I have shared about Dad into a book and am looking into how to accomplish it.  If anyone has any suggestions, or has done so with their blog, I would greatly appreciate any information you could pass along to me.  I plan on doing the book for our family.

I want to give some thought as to how to continue my blog because we were so desperate for information when Dad was diagnosed and we remember what a nightmare it was.  If I can help just one family with my blog, I will be blessed.

I have acquired a lot of valuable information and don't want to just file it all away in a box somewhere. In my Father's honor, I would like to play it forward and share the information we have learned along the way...

God Bless each and every one of you who have ever been touched by this disease, be it from a family member or friend.  I send my eternal love and gratitude to all of you who have hugged me and comforted me with your words of support over the past four and a half years during our journey with my Father.

Most of you I have never met, but your warmth, concern, sincerity and caring words always came through and scooped me up as if you were, making me feel so very comforted.  On behalf of myself and my family, I want to say thank you all so very much from the bottom of my heart.... 

A Productive, Busy, Family Week... Dad's Final Plans Made.

I drove to California Wednesday, August 21st so Mom and I could pick up Dad's belongings from the nursing home.  When we arrived we were surrounded by tearful staff members sharing condolences and giving us warm, loving hugs.  Mom and I were there over two hours.  We were so touched by their outpouring of genuine love and loss for Dad.

Another testament to the quality of this nursing home, none of Dad's possession were missing.  I just cannot express how very blessed we were when I found this particular nursing home.  I think of it so highly, if I would ever need a nursing home, I would want to go there!

Thursday Mom and I filled out the pre-arranged paperwork for Dad's cremation with Neptune Society and took the forms in Friday morning.  I cannot stress enough how important it is to make final arrangements prior to your loved one's death...it made the whole process just fall into place.

Friday night, all the siblings, Mom and I met at my brother K_____'s home for a BBQ.  We all agreed we felt we were in a mental fog and knew some good food and laughter would clear our minds...

After a delicious meal of hamburgers, hot dogs, corn on the cob, cabbage salad, baked beans and my sister's yummy chocolate eclair cake for dessert; we sat around and talked.  K's daughter, presented Mom with a framed collage she made from some of the family pictures of Mom and Dad before and after their wedding.  She also included pictures of us as a family, when we were all small and all living in the family home, Brutus - Dad's precious dog, Dad in his Magician's top hat and cape....lots of memories and conversations were sparked from those wonderful photos...

My brother E___ had interviewed Dad and Mom back in 2001 when he was doing some family genealogy.  He found the tape and brought it over along with his tape deck so we all could hear it.

My brother put the tape in and everyone gathered in the family room, lying on the floor, sitting on chairs and couches, some of us leaning against one another. As he pushed play, I noticed my brother S___ was lying on his back on the floor with his arms folded behind his head. He had a smile on his face and his eyes closed.  Looking around the room I felt "home-cozy", so comfortable and full of peace being with my family, sharing this moment in time together.

It was good to hear Dad's voice when it was strong and full.  As I heard him speak, I remembered a speech pattern he used to have before going into the nursing home.  He would get so involved in telling a story, his mouth would fill with too much saliva, so he would have to swallow, but in doing so, he kind of make a slight slurp sound as he swallowed as he continued on with his story.  I enjoyed hearing it again...

We all learned something new about Dad, and would turn off the tape to discuss it, or laugh at something, or rewind and listen again because we were all laughing or commenting to something he had said...

Dad told of being held back a year in school because of a "prank" he played at school...Dad had decided to ditch school, but before he faked being sick (so he would be sent home), he put a smoke bomb and a huge chunk of Limburger cheese up inside the school's duct work.

Dad lived up on a bluff above the school, so after he arrived home, he positioned himself at the big window over looking the valley below and watched the smoke bellowing out of the school as teachers and students alike, ran from the school building holding their noses.... Yep, he got in big trouble for that stunt!

My grand father, his Dad, was away a lot, traveling.  Grandpa and my Uncle were inventors.  Dad and his sisters were cared for during the day by the family help.  Grandpa frequently ordered large blocks of Limburger cheese to put on crackers and some thick syrup goop for his pancakes called "sorghum molasses."

Dad brought up the time when he played with matches behind a stuffed arm chair and set himself on fire when he was three years old.  His Mother and the ironing lady put out the flames with a red Oriental rug.  He made sure we all heard that story so we would learn not to play with fire...

It was midnight by the time we finished with Dad's portion of the interview.  We had not had time to listen to Mom's, so we will save it for the next family gathering, this Saturday.

We talked earlier before listening to the tape on what we wanted to do for Dad's service.  We all agreed we wanted the service private...only family...and family would include the staff at the nursing home, as well as the hospice staff, because the quality of care and concern they gave Dad.

I mentioned to the family that the nursing home planned on doing the Alzheimer's Walk November 2, 2013 in Huntington Beach and wanted to know if we would like to join them.  Everyone thought it would be a great way to honor what would have been Dad's 93rd birthday month...  My sister, niece and oldest daughter volunteered to co-ordinate the Walk...

I also shared with everyone, how the Activity's Director at the Nursing home, also wanted to plant a garden in the corner of the courtyard at the nursing home and call it Don's Garden.  Everyone agreed is was a perfect idea and how much Dad would have been so pleased.  When Dad first came to the nursing home, he helped the Activity Director plant window boxes with bright cheery flowers.

We talked of doing a family BBQ at Mom's house, using Dad's BBQ and playing horse shoes...one of Dad's favorite games.  One of the brothers suggested we all wear Bermuda shorts, white tube socks with sandals, Hawaiian shirts and straw hats to salute Dad's unique style of attire at most family outings...and everyone loved that idea!

I was elected to check with Riverside National Cemetery (RNC) to see what was involved so Dad could have a Military Ceremony.  We felt his service during WWII as a US Marine fighting in the Battle of Tarawa in the Gilbert Islands deserved such an honorable final resting place.  We hoped we could have the service in the morning on Saturday, September 7, and then the BBQ that afternoon...

Over the weekend, I discovered RNC does not do services on the weekends, only Monday through Friday,  but first I had to contact head quarters back in St. Louis, Missouri to determine Dad's eligibility by sending his Discharge paperwork.  After obtaining a case number of approval, I could contact RNC and schedule a service.  After I had the date, I could contact the US Marines to schedule an Honors ceremony.

By Monday morning I had emailed Dad's necessary paperwork to St. Louis and secured a case number from RNC.  I was given the date of Friday, September 6, 2013 at 1pm for Dad's Military service.  Dad's remains will be interred in the Columbarium at RNC because Dad did not want to be buried.

I had attempted to schedule the Honors ceremony, but was told I was "too early.  I was instructed to call Thursday morning, which was the day I planned to return to Nevada.

Mom and I picked up Dad's remains on Wednesday, August 28th and brought them back home.  We cannot praise Neptune Society enough for their efficiency, compassion, excellent customer service and the kindness they bestowed on Mom and I when we first brought in the signed pre-arranged paperwork for Dad's cremation and again when we picked up the remains.  We would highly recommend their services.

All the work Mom and I did organizing Dad's paperwork, Mom making pre-arranged plans with Neptune Society (after attending a lecture by Barbara Karnes RN), and organizing all the family photos really made our job so much easier last week.

I helped Mom with some house hold things, one goal was to find Mom a house keeper. Mom, my sister in law and their house cleaner, met to give Mom an estimate to clean her home.  At 86, Mom just can't clean and bend like she used to and she deserves to have someone come in and clean the house for her.  Mom has never had anyone clean besides our family, so this was a big deal for Mom.

I told Mom just as the Alzheimer's Support Group has helped her emotionally and mentally, the cleaning lady would help so much physically and mentally too.  She likes the idea of freeing up her time to read, do cross stitch Christmas Stockings for all the new babies born and on their way, as well as have more time to lunch and do fun things with her friends.

Mom has decided to stay in her Support Group because she feels she would give people hope who are just beginning their journey with their loved ones and Alzheimer's.

My sister in law and brother K____ told Mom they would take her out to Mathis Brothers in Ontario so Mom could select a new couch, love seat, and a couple of comfortable easy chairs.  When my other niece who was living with Mom, got married and moved out, she took her couch with her...so Mom needs some more furniture.

Thursday morning, I called the Marines and scheduled the Honors ceremony for Dad and emailed them Dad's discharge paperwork as well.  I was told we would have three Marines on deck, one to play taps, two to fold and present the flag to Mom.  I asked for full honors which would be a 21 gun salute, but the Marine I spoke with told me I would get a phone call about that, depending on how many Marines would be available...

On my way home, I received a call from a Sargent with the Marines.  I was told there would now be 11 Marines on deck to provide my Father with full honors.  Eight additional Marines will each fire three rounds to honor Dad's service for our country in a 21 Gun Salute.  I could not help it...I burst into tears.  This means everything to our family and this Marine just made my day!!

Mom had told me one of her friends had asked for the gun casings to save for the grand children, so I asked if that would be possible to save them for ours.  He told me he would work it out and present them to Mom along with the American flag.

My husband and I will leave this Thursday and stay over night in Riverside at a friend's home who lives ten minutes from Riverside National Cemetery. I want to arrive an hour early to deliver Dad's urn, the flag, the burial permit and to fill out the monument paperwork.

Dad's plaque will have a Christian Cross, his name, Corporal, USMC, WWII, Date of birth, Date of Death, and the inscription:  Loving Family Man - Semper Fi.

Saturday, September 7th we will all gather at my brother K____ and his wife T____ home, once again generously providing a safe and happy place to reminisce, laugh, eat and enjoy precious time with our family.

My husband and I will spend Friday and Saturday night with my youngest daughter and her new husband in Lake Elsinore and then Sunday with my oldest daughter's family in Beaumont.  We'll return to Nevada on Monday.  I will post pictures of Dad's service upon my return....Hugs, blessings and love to you all...

Being Grateful For the Time We Have...

Mom and my sister Holly went to visit Dad today.  They arrived to find Dad dressed and slumped over sleeping in his wheelchair...

Dad 8-3-13

His right eye was crusty but his skin looked much better than when Mom saw him last week. He needs a hair cut, a shave, eyebrow/ear and mustache trim but he was dressed nicely with his hair combed (I will call on Tuesday to make sure Dad sees the Barber on Wednesday ).  Dad has been uncooperative with the staff for showering and grooming.  Most of the time he wants to be left alone to sleep. Dad has been so tired and weak.  We are so grateful to see him dressed and not curled up in a fetal position in his bed.  He is very thin and gaunt as you can see.  

Dad kept his eyes closed and appeared very sleepy.  Mom and Holly attempted to share family news and visit, but Dad was not up to conversation.  He offered a faint "yes" or "no" but not much more.

They wheeled him outside on the front patio to enjoy the sun on his back.  He loves being outside and in the warmth of the sun but seemed to dose off most of the time sitting outside with them.  After about 15 minutes, he wanted to go inside, which was just about time for lunch. 

Holly wheeled Dad back to the lunch room, but had to park him to the side of the table rather than up to the table due to his cancerous growth on his foot.   Dad sat like he is in the picture above in between bites when Mom fed him.  Mom and Holly admired Dad's delicious smelling lunch of Chinese chicken with cabbage, carrots, mushrooms, hard Chinese crispy noodles, celery on a bed of rice, bread and butter, a banana, ice cream, milk and coffee. They both noticed Dad's chewing was slower as if he barely had the energy to eat.  He ate most of the chicken, ice cream of course, some of the banana and a bite or two of his bread.  He coughed and choked as he drank his milk and coffee through a straw.

Mom asked his caregiver to please make sure and offer Dad water to drink because Dad will not ask for it himself...but we are starting to see the coughing and choking may be another sign of the ladder stages of Alzheimer's, when he will forget or become too weak to eat or swallow. Drinking and coordinating swallowing while drinking is a common, every day occurrence we take for granted, yet is becoming an  exhausting ordeal for Dad.

My sister had a very difficult time, crying softly.  We all have shared how emotionally draining and sad our visits with Dad are now.  Mom is the pillar of strength for all of us.  We all are stronger when we gather together.

Both Mom and my sister apologized in their emails to us for the depressing report of their visit; but we all have noticed how Dad is fading away.  He gets weaker each time we see him.

Dad's Hospice CNA cares so much for Dad.  He is the one we all hugged on Father's Day when he told us he saves Dad for the weekend after a difficult week because Dad is such a joy and such a sweet gentleman.

In talking with Mom, the Hospice CNA was so relieved our family is all on the same page as far as not forcing food on Dad when he no longer wants to eat.  Mom shared how Barbara Karnes has helped her and our family deal with the ravages of this disease and prepare for the final stages of it...

He told her how good it was to hear because so many families force feed out of ignorance or guilt and don't seek out help or educate themselves for an easier transition for themselves and the loved one...

He told Mom he was amazed how Dad has all the cancers Dad has and never complains of any pain. He assured Mom Hospice will never allow Dad to feel any pain.  We also know the nursing home keeps a protective eye on Dad as well.

We all feel Dad is shutting down and cling to any positives we can share at this point....  We all know time is of the essence to take the time we need with Dad because we doubt he will make it to his 93rd birthday in November.

Tomorrow Mom and Dad will be married sixty-eight years...

Father's Day, 2013

The plan was for all six siblings to come together with Mom and go rally around Dad for Father's Day. We all were to meet in front of the nursing home at 11am.  We all arrived except for the second to the youngest brother, S_____ who woke with either "pink eye" or "conjunctivitis".  He did not want to take the chance of infecting Dad or any of us...

Two of the brothers went to Dad's room to bring him out front so we could surprise Dad.  The brothers returned announcing Dad was getting his shower.  We all sat and chatted, catching up and celebrating having our brother B____ from Ohio here with us.  I think it has been about 9 years since his last visit.

Before too long, the brothers returned for Dad and wheeled him out onto the nursing home's front, shaded patio.  Dad was very happy to see all of us, knowing we were family, but not calling us by name.  He would say "my son".....to the brothers, or "this is a very important person to me"...

Dad, Father's Day, 2013

Dad called me "Holl Doll", despite me correcting him and telling him I was "Donna"....Dad told me, "I know, that's what I said, Holl Doll"....  My sister comforted me telling me Dad usually calls her "Donna".

We posed for various pictures with Dad...

 youngest brother E___, Mom and Dad

Mom, Dad and brother B___ from Ohio 

brother K___, Donna (me), sister Holly (Holl Doll)

and Dad in front 

Brother K____'s wife T____ and brother K_____

Five out of the six kids, Mom and Dad

After photo taking, we each took turns reading Dad our cards to him.  Dad struggles reading, especially with his one eye closed with cancer, and not wearing his glasses.... Light makes his eyes even more sensitive.  One of the brothers returned to Dad's room to get his sunglasses.

The youngest brother E____ had been inspired to read a poem he wrote to Dad.  It was very moving and made several of us cry.  He also blew up a picture of his three white Havanese dogs, with a bubble above each dog's head with the message, "Happy Father's Day"....  Dad held the photocopy up close and kissed each one of the dogs.  So sweet.

Dad's Hospice CNA came out and stopped to tell us he was so concerned with how Dad had been most of the week...and so surprised to see how Dad perked up when we came to visit with my daughter Jodee on Friday.  Dad's appetite jumped from 60% to 100%.  I had not met the Hospice CNA so I hugged him, thanked him and told him he was an extension of our family.  Others in the family who had not met him, introduced themselves.  The CNA put his arms around Dad and wished him a very happy Father's Day and waved goodbye to all of us.

One of the nurses came out front and invited us all to come in the back courtyard as they were having a BBQ.  We all gathered behind my brother B_____ as he wheeled Dad through the nursing home and into the back courtyard.

Dad wanted a big hot dog with mustard....so I went to the Activities' Director, who was doing the cooking, and asked for a hot dog.  "Sorry, we are just doing burgers, chips, sodas and baked beans...we'll have hot dogs on the 4th of July."

I took a hamburger with lots of mustard, some relish and a little ketchup back to Dad, along with some baked beans and chips.  Dad was already sucking on a soda with a straw.....which he had drained!  My younger brother had given Dad a Coke.  I figured we should steer Dad away from the caffeine so the next soda I gave him was a Sprite.

Dad was anxious to eat his "hot dog" and I was attempting to wait for my brother to bring me a knife to cut it in half and Dad would not wait....he began grabbing at it...so I had no recourse but to hold it up for him to eat.  Dad almost bit my fingers as he growled and took a huge bite.  I cautioned Dad not to take such big bites, but he totally ignored me.  I was doing good if I could get him to finish chewing before he growled and took another enormous bite!

Dad in foreground, wearing black fedora hat, scarfing potato chips....

Dad polished it off along with another soda and asked for another....so while I went to get Dad another hamburger, my brother B_____ fed Dad some baked beans.  I think Dad ate two bag of chips and three sodas in addition to the two hamburgers....and still wanted a BIG HOT DOG WITH MUSTARD!

Ever humorous, brother E____ quipped, " Dad, you're gonna' have to wait until the 4th of July for the big dogs with mustard...just a couple more weeks."

I noticed Dad slowed down on his last few bites of hamburger...  He also started to droop in his wheel chair...a definite sign he was full and ready for a nap.  Dad confirmed he was ready for bed when I asked....

While my brothers, Mom and sister were saying their good byes, I slipped away, back to Dad's room and hung his cards on his "wall of love" (where we hang all our cards, photos, notes, letters, etc on the walls around his bed.)

My brother B_____ , Mom and I wheeled Dad to his room....B____ wanted some alone time with Dad to say his good byes as he fly home last Monday morning back to Ohio.  Mom and I visited with the nurses until B_____ came out of Dad's room.  I went back in to give Dad one more kiss....and Dad asked me as I leaned down to kiss him, "Where is my hot dog with mustard?"

"You'll have it for dinner Dad....in the mean time, get some sleep and dream of it...."

"OK...that sounds good to me..."

"I love you Papa-Doots..."

My sister and her husband invited everyone over to their house in Claremont for a Father's Day BBQ at 2pm....so the party moved to their house...eating...laughter....conversations....great food and merriment continued...

Back row: Four brothers E_____, S______, K_____ and B______
Front row: Donna (me),  Mom and my sister Holly (Holl Doll)

part of our huge family who were able to attend the BBQ

 Four generations:

my nephew (Holly's son) and his 3 month old son, his grand father and father

 Brother S____ and one of his two sons

(sister's pool in the background in the re-surfacing process)

 Mom and nephew's wife posing with stick on mustaches

Cousins... S_______ & S_________

(Brother K's daughter and Holly's daughter)

Yesterday, my sister sent me all her photos and discovered one of them made us all comment and laugh...  Dad has always had very dry skin and scratches himself constantly.  The wound care nurse at the nursing home does an excellent job of caring for Dad's skin and keeping it greased up with Aveeno, Aquaphor, and Vasoline....

The Hospice Nurse obviously was rushing to get Dad dressed so he could join us on the patio and did not put lotion on Dad....We all stop Dad from scratching his skin (which is so thin and bleeds) so the picture below is Dad taking advantage of itching himself...when everyone was distracted taking the picture... Classic!

Dad taking the opportunity for a forbidden scratch....you just gotta' love him!

At Last, A Good Visit...Happiness...

Mom and my sister Holly went to visit Dad yesterday, May 27th, on Memorial Day.  After the arrived they had to wait a bit as Dad was getting his shower.  When Dad was dressed and ready, they wheeled him out front of the nursing home where there is a nice patio and lots of Spring flowers.  They parked him so his sun got plenty of warm sunshine and Mom remembered to bring his sunglasses.  He gave each of them a warm smile and told them how good it felt...

Dad Memorial Day, 2013

Dad called my sister by name and cooed to Mom, "his beautiful wife, Lynnie..."  Mom and Holly chatted with Dad filling him in on family events...My sister told Dad about her first grand son being taken to Big Bear for the weekend with his parents and showed Dad pictures.  Dad roared with laughter at the his picture below...

Baby B...my sister's first grand child (boy) decked out for sun and water fitted with his life vest, beanie hat, sunglasses and his "Binkie" (pacifier).

As they talked, Dad dosed and occasionally put his head up and moved his shoulders with pleasure saying how the sun made him feel so good...

What a difference a change of attitude and some warm sun can make in our lives...Once again it reminds me how it is all about the simple and little things in life which make us happiest.

Updates, Another Trip to California, a Difficult Visit and Decision for Dad's Care Conference...

I arrived in California last Wednesday (May 15th) and spent two days with my oldest daughter in Beaumont. My oldest grand son (the 10 year old) did a report on Mickey Mantle.  As part of his report, he was to dress as the person he wrote about and stand like a statue in front of his display.  He had a button which we all had to push and then my grand son would begin to recite his report.  He had 17 people push his button.  We all enjoyed all the individual and interesting reports his class mates selected as well.

I helped my daughter prepare and make decorations for my younger daughter Jodee's Bridal shower on May 19th, held and talked with my newest grandson, Baby G as well as his brothers... (My oldest daughter is very protective of her boys, so again, she is my disclaimer as she will not allow me to put any pictures or mention the names of the 10 year old, the 8 year old or the newest, Baby G.)

Friday I drove to Mom's home and spent the night.  We had visits from two of my brothers, which ended up being a really fun time filled with laughter as we looked through the family pictures Mom and I were sorting through.

Saturday morning, Mom and I drove to Claremont to meet my sister Holly for a delayed Birthday and Mother's Day celebration. We enjoyed a relaxing breakfast at Walter's restaurant in the Village, then did some thrift store and other shopping before a nice lunch at Chili's in Glendora where we also saw the movie The  Big Wedding, which was a HUGE disappointment and I would NOT RECOMMEND it.

Since twisting my ankle last November, I can no longer wear flip flops.  I found some really comfortable shoes by Sketcher's called GO WALKS, which are a slip on tennis shoe.  VERY COMFORTABLE.  I bought them at Kohl's and told both Mom and Holly about them.  Mom hates to shop, so she usually waits in the car while my sister and I shopped.  We decided to buy Mom a pair and split the cost.  We had Mom try them on in the parking lot...and she LOVED THEM!  Happy Mother's Day Mom!!!

Sunday, my sister, my nephew's wife (Mother of my sister's FIRST GRAND SON), several of my daughter's friends, Mom and I attended my youngest daughter's Bridal shower.  She looked beautiful and we all had a great time. The highlight was my oldest daughter asking my youngest daughter questions asked to my daughter's fiancé.  For every wrong answer, Jodee had to shove a piece of Double-Bubble gum into her mouth, chew it and continue to answer questions.  Thankfully, for her, she answered 10 right out of 15...and technically, four of the five were right, but the girlfriend holding the bubble gum was very motivated to keep sticking it into her mouth...  My oldest daughter did a magnificent job of decorating as well as baking all the yummy goodies. It was a fun shower.

The rest of my visit I stayed with Mom, finishing our "photo project" sorting through all the family photos.  We had so many, we decided to make a big envelope for each kid in the family.  Now Mom has all the family photos all organized and in labeled photo boxes.  I did some cleaning and more de-cluttering so Mom can get the carpets cleaned, buy a new living room set and hire a cleaning lady.

Last Monday I called and made reservations for our favorite hotel in Laguna to stay in January for three nights.  Mom, my daughter Jodee, my sister Holly and I are going.  My older daughter Holly may join us for a day.  We used to go every year, but have not gone for the past three or four years.

This past Tuesday, May 21, 2013, was my Dad's Care Conference.  Mom usually attends alone with me attending via the telephone.  It turned out to be my turn for a depressing visit...  I was very emotional and Mom was forced to be the strong one...

Mom and I found Dad parked in his wheel chair against the wall, slumped over with both his eyes closed.  His hair was combed nicely, his hands were "lubed up" (due to his dry skin) and he wore a nice, soft, baby blue jogging suit with a beige t-shirt.  He looked frail, thin and gaunt.

 I went over to him and gently put my hand on his shoulder and greeted him with my pet name for him, "Papa-Doots".... no response...

I shook his shoulder softly and called to him again.  Very softly, so low I could barely hear what he was saying, he shook his head in disagreement...

Shaken, I went back over to where Mom had been standing, talking with one of the care givers.  Doctor-Doctor walked up wheeling another patient and gave us both hugs.  She stopped and looked around the corner and said something to another nurse who went over and bent over talking to Dad....

I watched and did not see him responding to her either.  Mom and I decided we would wheel him outside thinking it was too noisy for him to hear...

After wheeling him outside, he opened one eye and responded warmly to Mom...calling her "Lynnie, his wife..."  He told her how beautiful she looked and how happy she looked.  Mom told Dad I was there...

I sat in front of Dad on his "good ear" side, and greeted him again...his clasped hands never left his lap, he smiled and greeted me, calling me Donna...but did not reach out for a hug as he usually does.  I did not feel he knew who I was...I brought my camera and took pictures...

We asked if the sun felt good on his back and he said it did.  Mom asked if he would like his sunglasses and left to go check his room for He had not had a morning shave and his eyebrows and mustache needed trimming...

I asked how he felt...."Fine...I feel just fine..."

I asked if his teeth hurt..."No, I grit my teeth hard to keep them strong....I am afraid of losing them." 

I watched as he gritted his teeth and made a mental note to ask the Social Worker at the nursing home to schedule Dad for a teeth cleaning...

I asked if his foot hurt..."No, it feels fine..."

I asked if his right eye hurt...."Yes, it hurts all the time..... I close my eyes and pretend I am blind so it makes me feel more comfortable..."

I was on the verge of tears anyway, so this pushed me over the edge and I began softly crying because I did not want him to hear...and thankfully, he kept his eyes closed so he could not see me...

All I could manage was, I love you Dad...

"I love you too Donna..."

I sat and memorized his face, as I often do on my visits...never taking for granted the fact it could be the last time I see him...The skin cancer on his upper lip looks like an open sore.  It makes it difficult for the care givers to shave around it, so they are allowing him to have a mustache.  Dad has always been meticulous in his grooming...so his tongue was constantly patrolling the edge of his mustache which was a bit un-even and needed a little trimming....

I asked Dad about his breakfast and he responded by telling me he did not eat that much...(although his male nurse told us he ate everything...)

Mom reappeared and announced she could not find his sunglasses.... (Mom and I have been de-cluttering and cleaning her home and found a couple of pairs...so Mom will bring them next visit...)

Mom saw how upset I was, so she chatted with Dad about family news in a cheerful and animated voice.... Dad enjoyed it...smiling....but still talking very softly...Dad kept yawning, opening his mouth to the biggest, longest yawns....We asked if he was tired and he told us he wasn't...

In between lulls in the conversation, Dad would announce random fears.... "I'm afraid the moon will fall on me... When I fly high in the sky, I am afraid to touch the moon...."

Mom skillfully changed the subject and told Dad she would soon be 86 in June...

"That's old...", Dad announced.  Both Mom and I chuckled.

I told Dad I would be 66 in June....no comment by Dad...although I thought I detected a rise in his bushy eyebrows...

Mom asked Dad how old he would be...."Around 95" he stated... Mom reminded Dad he would be 93 in November.

"I'll take it." Dad smiled...

Mom asked how many children they shared....

"Five kids?"  Mom corrected him again and told him they had six....and went on to inform him they had 12 grand kids and 5 great grand kids.

"Babies make me happy..." Dad sighed.  Mom smiled, telling him how good he always was with all the children and grand children...

"I like horses soft noses..." Dad announced, changing the subject... I agreed with him on how soft horses noses were and how much we used to enjoy feeding the horses, and how their soft lips would tickle the palm of our hands as their lips would feel and search for the apples and carrots we would feed them.  (I had a roan gelding quarter horse when I was a teenager and Dad and I would go up to the stables where we boarded "Rusty" and feed him.)

"I like riding horses....but I am afraid to fall off..."

I told Dad if he pretended or dreamed of riding horses, he would never fall off....

Dad exploded into a laugh-cough and told me, "That's right!"

"I like swimming in the Don River..."  (We think this is a river Dad used to swim in in Connecticut...)

Mom complimented Dad on his swimming and how good of a swimmer he was...

"You used to like to swim too..." (meaning Mom)  Mom quickly reminded him she did not swim (and still does not to this day)....

"Grandpa Watt loved to swim too...he LOVED the cold water.  He used to take ice baths to prepare him to swim in the North Sea..."  (in Ireland).

Mom and I agreed....Dad tells the story of his grand father a lot....

"I'm afraid of cold water....I don't like it..."

I told Dad not to worry...we'd make sure the water was nice for swimming...

"I don't worry anymore...."  (Dad's mouth opened in a huge yawn, wide enough to see the back of his throat...)

Both of us told Dad we were glad to hear it...

"I always liked a lot of room....now I have it."

Mom and I looked at one another with questioned expressions...then shrugged and continued to listen to Dad...who continued to yawn like a garage door opening....

Mom pointed to her watch, indicating it was time for Dad's Care Conference...Mom leaned into Dad and told him we had an appointment so we would not have time to stay for lunch with him.  Dad told her it was OK....

At Dad's Care Conference, we were happy to have the newest Hospice nurse sitting in with the rest of us.  She has been excellent in keeping me informed of Dad's vitals, sending pictures of Dad's foot, following up on recent blood tests taken on Dad and updates on Dad's weight.

The nursing staff and wound care personnel for the nursing home have done an incredible job in keeping Dad's skin cancer growth on his toe, from infection over the past four years...but it is beginning to get a slight odor.  The doctor ordered a blood test and Dad's WBC has been steadily rising from 19.3 to 23.8.  Dad's doctor has had Dad on antibiotics and antibiotic cream for ten days at a time, then repeats the blood test.  Dad is due for another blood test May 26th or 27th when the ten days of antibiotics is complete.

Dad weighs 125.  His weight continues to go down, despite his appetite.

We reviewed Dad's Advance Directives... Our family has been discussing Dad's foot and have decided rather than amputating Dad's foot (if the infection should lead to it) we have decided allowing the infection to take him, keeping him medicated so he would not feel any pain, would be the most humane.  All the staff agreed it was much better than putting him through surgery.

Dad is being given Tylenol 500mg every 12 hours.  I asked the staff to monitor him closely and to consider giving him it more often with the possibility of giving him something stronger if indicated as Dad may not be able to articulate he is in pain... The Hospice nurse said she would follow up with Dad's doctor.

Dad has very poor circulation in his legs which adds to the difficulty is treating the skin cancer on his baby toe.  In the past, Dad's doctor has said if we did amputate, it would have to be taken above his knee due to the poor circulation.  Dad's doctor has been doing weekly Cryotherapy treatments to prevent the growth from getting too big.

Mom shared how much Barbara Karnes, a popular speaker, Author and Hospice Nurse, had helped her make difficult decisions for both herself and Dad.  Mom has contacted the Neptune Society and arranged for both her and Dad's final arrangements.  Mom also shared how meeting and talking with Barbara Karnes had given her such peace, eliminating her fear of death and dying.

Mom, my husband and I had recently attended a lecture from Barbara Karnes in Pasadena, CA while in California for my niece's wedding the beginning of May.  We all really enjoyed it as well as meeting Barbara.  Several of the staff were unfamiliar with her, but the Hospice nurse opened her binder showing us two of Ms. Karnes' books.  (If interested, you can read her blog on link on top left column of my blog or read here.)

Several of the nurses and staff attending the Conference shared their personal stories in caring for their loved ones who had died.  It was very moving and emotional listening and sharing.  Two of the nurses had tears in their eyes when Mom and I shared the family decision...they genuinely care so much for Dad.  We feel they are an extension of our family. We have been so blessed to have found this particular nursing home... the level of care has been extraordinary.  The atmosphere is very homey and we have always commented on how the staff is always friendly and smiling...

After the Care Conference, Mom and grabbed some lunch "to go" and went to her Alzheimer's Support Group.  She has a wonderful group of women and men to rally around her along with  a compassionate and well informed Facilitator, who has become a dear friend.

I have been traveling back and forth between Nevada and California either alone or with my husband for various family events as well as visiting Dad since December, so my blogging as been few and far between.  This month I was in California twice.  Some days I don't know whether I am coming or going...

I have been commissioned to do an acrylic painting measuring 24" x 24".  It is to be delivered by the end of June, so next month, despite family high school, grammar school graduations and birthdays I am planning on staying home to complete the painting.

Packing It Away...

Mom and Holly, my sister went to visit Dad yesterday.  They found him in his room just dressed after a shower by his Hospice CNA.  They waited while the nurse treated the cancerous growth on Dad's foot and then took him into the lunch room so they could chat.

Dad rambled and did not make much sense...but he did tell them he has not seen his son S_____ in such a long time.  Mom and my sister looked at one another in shock...as Dad thought my sister was his wife...Dad usually thinks my sister is me so she wondered if Dad thinks she has not visited in a long time too?

Mom told Dad his son was very busy with work...and Dad told her he knew that...Dad continued on with his rambling thoughts, changing subjects and reason often...

They noticed the cancerous lesion on Dad's upper lip is getting bigger as is the melanoma on his temple.  He keeps his right eye with the skin cancer on the lower lid shut all the time now.

Doctor-Doctor arrived with hot dogs and chips for Dad as well as Mom and Holly.  My sister thought it was unusual for both of them to be served lunch along with Dad...but she went with the flow...only to find out later someone had donated the food to the nursing home.

Dad scarfed down his hot dogs and chips almost before my sister and Mom had even taken a bite.  He ask Doctor-Doctor if he could please have another hot dog and more chips, which she did...Mom and Holly watched in amazement as he devoured the second one as if he were in hot dog eating contest.

No sooner had Dad finished chewing the last of his hot dog, Doctor-Doctor arrived with his lunch of barbecued chicken breast, french fries, sliced cucumbers, jello, ice cream, juice, coffee, and milk. Holly was feeding him, but apparently not fast enough, so Dad took the fork and continued to feed himself...

Doctor-Doctor arrived to take Dad back to his room.  She assured Mom and Holly she would get him all cozy and ready for his nap.  They said their good-byes and Holly blew Dad her traditional kiss from the doorway...

Mom and Holly could not believe where he packed all that food!  It almost made them feel sick...they changed their plans to go to lunch, instead going back to Mom's house to visit.

I remember when my husband and I would visit his Mother and she would forget she had eaten and the fact she was full; going back for breakfast two or three times depending on how many of her friends she ran into who were on their way to the dining room...

My Mother in Law was in perfect health and like Dad, had a hearty appetite.  She ate voraciously until she had a CT Scan to determine why she was falling.  The hospital sedated her heavily because she could not remember to hold still during the test.  She was never the same...  She stopped wearing her wig and eyeglasses and dentures.  She kept her eyes shut, would not talk and refused to eat or drink anything...She died two month later. I hope Dad's health prevents him from such a fate....it was horrible.

Family Updates...

Got a good report from the Hospice nurse today...Dad was in activities when she visited him.  He was very upbeat, polite and flirty with her, answering everything she asked with, "Yes, Mam".  All his vitals were good, but he told her he had pain.  Dad could not explain where it was....and when she inquired further, Dad told her someone told him he was in pain.... I will have to follow up on that...The nurse told me she called Dad's doctor and let him know.  The doctor prescribed 5/350 tab of Vicodin for pain as needed.  I asked if it could be taken with his Lexapro and Namenda, and she assured me it could.

                                 **********************

My daughter Jodee and her Fiancé Jeff are engaged and will be getting married July 20, 2013.  They had a photo shoot for their 'Save the Date' photo and other photos for their wedding. Some of the pictures have their son Jacob in them, but during the shots of just them, her sister, my firstborn daughter Holly and her sons kept Jacob entertained...

I don't usually show pictures of or mention the names of Holly's sons, the ten year old and the eight year old...  Holly prefers I don't.  Holly is expecting her third son, my fourth grand son this month...

I did however, get the OK to post the picture above of the ten year old, Jacob, Jodee and Jeff's son, and the eight year old walking ahead of their Mom at the park where the photo shoot took place.  The boys always look forward to getting together and enjoy one another so much....  I just LOVE this picture.

                                        *******************

My only sister Holly (yes, my daughter Holly is named after her Auntie) arrived today to visit for a week.  She and I will drive back together to California to attend her daughter in law's baby shower on the 10th.  I will be staying with my Mom a few days and then return home to Nevada on the 12th.

Have a good week everyone...I KNOW I WILL!!!

Sleepy Smiles...

Mom and my sister Holly both went to visit Dad today at 11am.  When they arrived, Dad was being given his shower.  Holly had noticed someone had signed in to visit Dad, and they found out later it was a male CNA from Hospice who visits Dad twice a week.

They took Dad out front and Holly showed him the pansies and other flowers thriving in the warm sunshine.  Dad loved it.  He seemed very happy to see them but called both Mom and my sister by my name, Donna.

The nurse had asked them if they would like to see Dad's pinkie toe after his shower before she bandaged it up.  Mom did not want to see it, and my sister didn't either, but she felt she should take a picture for my records.  Later, she told me it looked like an alien.  When I looked at her picture, I could see his other toes are looking swollen and red now...

She took a picture of Dad as well.  His right eye with the skin cancer is completely closed now.  Dad will not allow the wound care nurse to clean it.  The melanoma on his temple is larger, blacker and more misshapen.  The skin cancer on his upper lip was red, like he had picked the scab and the caregiver did not want to scrap it any further, so he left stubble around the wound when he shaved Dad.

Dad had a cough.  My sister said it seemed "fake" or "like he could not get up the force within his chest to make it a productive cough".  Dad would form his mouth to cough and then tried to make the effort to cough.

I am not going to post any of the pictures Holly took.  Dad looks gaunt and thin, despite his smile...

Mom said she missed hearing about Dad's imaginary adventures, as Dad was happy but quiet...Holly tried to call me on my cell, but I was not feeling well this morning and had gone back to bed with ear plugs in my ears.

When the lunch carts were being pushed down the hallways, Holly pushed Dad in his wheel chair back into the lunch room.  The server gave Dad a chocolate Ensure supplement to drink and he took it and drank it all down.  He drank his milk, coffee and a full glass of water.  He picked at his hamburger patty, taking a few bites.  Mom fed him a couple bites of peas and carrots, before he told her he was full.

Both of them attempted to get him to eat a bit more, but Dad was not interested.  He told them he was tired.  My sister said it seemed the shower wore him out.  He kept closing his other eye and seemed very tired.  Dad has RA and his hands are very distorted and curled making it very difficult for him to feed himself.

I can tell Dad is getting fuller faster, or losing his appetite.  He is sleeping in later and if he is eating breakfast that late, he is probably too full for lunch.

Holidays and Hand Grenades....

Mom and my sister went to visit Dad Sunday... Dad did not recognize my sister...  He was in "WWII combat mode", cutting off the heads of Boa Constrictors with a machete while hacking his way through the jungles, climbing palm trees, tossing hand grenades, fighting alongside John Wayne....and the planes were bombing regularly as they flew low over head.  Dad said John Wayne was shot while trying to raise the flag, but rolled down a roll to escape, only to be killed later on.  Mom thinks he may have had a nightmare, or had seen the film Iwo Jima recently....

Both Mom and my sister listened and stayed involved in Dad's stories...noting Dad's right eye was practically closed. Dad seemed to have more difficulty than normal in hearing either of them talk, so they nodded and smiled a lot.

Dad, looking happy

Dad with his lady love...Mom

I received a call from the nursing home yesterday, informing me the visiting Dentist placed an order to have one of Dad's teeth extracted.  I had spoken to the nursing home and have spoken to the gal at the Dental office, asking if they could clean out the tooth and place temporary fillings....but of course, Medi-Cal will not.  They pull rather than fill.  

I used to work in the Dental field and just cannot fathom such disregard for dental health....but unless Dad is in pain, the last thing he needs is another open wound.  The male nurse who is one of Dad's regular caretakers, knew how we feel about pulling Dad's teeth and called me for permission to cancel the order. He assured me Dad is not in pain and has no problems eating.  Dad would not allow the dentist to even take x-rays, I know he would not permit an injection and never an extraction.  He still has all of his teeth.

Mom and Holly observed Dad's appetite for themselves when his lunch arrived... He had what looked like homemade chicken soup with fresh vegetables and big succulent chunks of white meat chicken with noodles, biscuit, diced beets, green jello with pineapple, ice cream, cookie, milk and coffee.  Everything looked and smelled so good, it made Mom and Holly hungry, so after their visit they headed for a restaurant for lunch, only to be caught in a hail storm.  It hailed so hard, my sister thought it would dent her car...but luckily, it didn't.

My sister and her husband just finished a complete remodel of their kitchen.  Thanksgiving their kitchen was totally gutted.... it was finished around 2pm on Christmas Eve, just in time for our yearly family Christmas Eve party.  We were all there, except Dad.  We each visit him separately... We start off the evening by putting names of famous people on the backs of everyone, even the children, and then have to guess who we are by asking yes or no questions.

We had a wonderful potluck dinner with everyone bringing something and my sister and her family providing the ham or pork roast...this year it was ham.  After we played our "white elephant gift exchange", which we all thoroughly enjoy and always brings a lot of laughter...

We played a new dice game called LCR.  The dice have one dot, an L, an R and a C on each side.  Each person starts with three dollar bills.  As we each roll the dice, if dots are rolled, the person keeps their money and the person next to them takes a turn.  If an L is rolled, a dollar goes to the person on their left, an R, the dollar goes to the person on their right and a C, the dollar goes into the pot in the center of the table.

It was a lot of fun and just when you think you are out with no money....the person next to you passes you a dollar and you are back in.  If you have one dollar, you only roll one die. If you have two or more dollars, you roll both dice.

I ended up winning the first game and won $60.  After everyone left, 8 of us played and my husband Jerry won the pot of $24.  Everyone joked and said next year the "Vegas" people couldn't play... it was really a fun night.

The next morning, we spent at my oldest daughter and her family's home in Beaumont, joined by my youngest daughter, her fiance and their son Jacob.  My daughter made the family traditional "monkey bread" and then a delicious meal for lunch.  We opened presents, visited and enjoyed the day together. That night, my youngest daughter's family met us at El Torito near our hotel and treated us to dinner.  Jerry and I were fast asleep by 8pm.

Wednesday, we checked out of our hotel and drove to Irvine to spend the day and night with one of my husband's son's family and our two grand daughters.  The girls had some gift cards so we all went to Downtown Disney for them to shop and spend their "holiday money".  We enjoyed a yummy family style lunch at Stone Fire Grill.  We had so much left over, we took it back to their house and dined on it later that night for dinner.

Thursday we headed back to Riverside, to stay with Jerry's only daughter's family and see his youngest son, the Marine.  We laughed, talked and enjoyed a wonderful crock pot roast.

Friday morning we were on the freeway driving back to Nevada.  Normally, we celebrate with his daughter's family AFTER going to my sister's house on Christmas Eve, but we are always so tired, we decided to take an extra day and spend it with them instead.  It was so much better for all of us and we decided to do the same plan next year.

In the past we are rushing around trying to visit at two or three places per day and it is just too much stress.  We fight the California traffic, which is always worse around the holidays.  I feel very guilty I did not see Dad this trip....he has had a cough, I am just getting over a cold, and it was just too much running around.  I have attempted to call and talk to him, but have not been successful.  He has been in the shower, sleeping, eating, the staff passing out meds or he has been enjoying activities.

He has no concept of time and recall, and I know he is kept busy with holiday events and activities at the nursing home.  They always have extra music, food and entertainment and as much as he enjoys it, it also exhausts him as well.

We will be returning to California in February, so we will definitely see him then.

Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and a Blessed New Year to you all....

He Sings Ava Maria....

Mom and my sister Holly went to visit Dad yesterday.  They found him in the dining room wearing a new baby blue velour jacket and pants, a gift from Doctor-Doctor (one of Dad's favorite caregivers).  Dad looks great in blue.  He was happy to see them both and recognized my sister, calling her his pet name, Holl Doll.

Dad's lunch of turkey, stuffing, zucchini, beets, watermelon, wheat bread and butter, coffee, milk and ice cream.  He scarfed up every bite leaving nothing but shine on his plate...

He leaned over to my sister and whispered to her, "Can you tell me why I am here?"

Holly told him he was there because it is the very best place to take care of him.

"I agree....that is a good answer."

Both Mom and Holly complimented on how nice he looked in his new outfit.  Doctor-Doctor explained to them how Dad had admired someone else wearing a similar outfit, so she bought him one.  Very sweet of her.

Mom, Holly and Doctor-Doctor continued to chat with Dad.  Doctor-Doctor coaxed Dad to sing Ava Maria, which he did in full voice.  Dad did great the first couple bars then he made up his own words... "I want you, I want you"....

Of course they all had a long laugh and Dad joined in the laughter...my sister took the opportunity to take his picture in the midst of laughter....(see below) and also videotaped him singing...

Dad laughing...

I would love to share the video my sister took, but a woman is in the background and I would not want to post some one's loved one without their permission.  I was able to crop her out of this picture.

Mom asked Dad how old he thought he would be in two weeks....Dad told her, "I will be 50 years old." (Bless his heart, he will be 92.)  Again, they all had a good chuckle.

One of the other female residents, who frequently yells, pulled off her shirt, exposing herself...while the staff struggled with her to cover herself, non of the other residents seemed to notice or even pay attention.  Apparently she does it so often it has lost its novelty...

Dad didn't miss a beat and prided himself on how nice the windows are and how well he keeps them inspected...and having more money than he can count on in Chicago...

Both Mom and Holly felt good with how happy Dad seemed and told them both how great he felt.  He insisted he had no pain and felt fantastic.

Dad's doctor is going to attempt the liquid nitrogen again...and consult with a surgeon as well regarding Dad's left foot.

The Hospice nurse sent me a photograph on my cell phone of Dad's foot. I was very shocked.  It looks so much worse than when I last saw it last May...  I asked my brother K_____ if he would not mind looking at it because I needed reassurance and a second opinion from family that we are going in the right direction.

He was shocked too.  He agreed we have to go with what Dad's doctor and the surgeon recommend.  If they say Dad needs amputation of his left foot...and we don't...it will only be a short time before infection sets in...I am amazed it has not become infected already.  A tribute to the care and attention Dad receives at the nursing home.

We stay united in prayer and know each day, each moment we have Dad is a blessing from God.

Face Time and Dread...

Our family company left late last night after a wonderful, fun weekend...the sheets and towels are washed, the bed re-made, everything cleaned and tidy...ready for my Mom's arrival tomorrow morning.  She is going to stay with us until the 14th, which is our 11th wedding anniversary...

We are all on pins and needles...the wound care doctor had the nursing home called me last Saturday to advise me he is recommending amputation of Dad's left foot. They had left a message for me to call Friday evening when I was walking my dog.

I have been emailing and calling Dad's primary care physician since July, around the time Hospice started.  I wanted clarification on Dad's left foot since the physician had stopped Cryotherapy because it was not working.

In my email, I asked the doctor what would happen if we DO NOT have the foot amputated....I am guessing there is a chance of infection or gangrene since Dad does not have good circulation in his legs.
I don't want to guess...we need to hear from the doctor on what our options are...because amputation will probably mean the end for Dad...

My sister Holly called to let me know she was on her way to visit Dad and she wanted to face time with me so I could see Dad.  (Face Time is like Skype, on Apple products).

When she arrived at the nursing home, Dad was in the dining room playing ball.  The staff pushes all the tables together and sit the residents around the table.  They take turns pushing a large beach ball back and forth, up and down the table.  Holly video taped the exercise on her iPad and after awhile, asked Dad if he wanted to go to the lobby for a visit...

Dad thought Holly was me.  When she got me on face time, Dad began to laugh happily when he saw me on the screen.  I waved, smiled and blew him kisses....he returned the kisses, only he kissed the screen!  He did not have his glasses on so he held the screen which is larger than 5" x 7" about an inch from his face...so all I could see was his right eye with the cancer.  I could see how the cancer has spread from his lower eye lid, to the center of his eye and up the side of the bridge of his nose...

Dad didn't say much...he was struggling to see me...must have been difficult looking at the screen so closely...Holly attempted to get Dad to sit back so I could see his full face...but he would go right back to holding the screen close to his face.

I asked if his eye hurt him...and he told me no...told me he felt fine and kept giving the screen kisses.
We visited for about 10 minutes...me talking and Dad laughing and kissing...

After our visit, Holly showed Dad pictures from my grand son's recent 2 year birthday party...pointing out the 7 year old (who will turn 8 the end of this month) and the 10 year old...  Dad seemed very confused on the names and who was who...

When Holly took him back to the dining room for lunch, Pickles, one of the nurses, asked Dad who the pretty lady was visiting him...meaning my sister....and Dad replied, "Oh, this is Donna".  Pickles knows it was my sister Holly...  My sister is so gracious and understands how much Dad loves her, but the disease short circuits his brain, criss-crossing his memories and emotional connections.  Its one of the more difficult challenges we each endure on our journey with Dad...

We all agree it is getting more and more difficult to see him more confused and the inevitability of his afflictions.  My sister noticed how awful his eye looked...but could not investigate his foot...she cannot deal with gruesome stuff like his foot...although Dad seemed happy, he appeared more confused than he has been in a long while...

She kissed him good bye and left him to enjoy the Bible Study and guitar playing.  Dad just loves the music and hearing the Word...Dad thanked her for coming...

I've had this sense of doom for some time now... I want the doctor to return my email...but at the same time, I don't want to read or hear what he is most likely going to tell me...