Updates, Another Trip to California, a Difficult Visit and Decision for Dad's Care Conference...

I arrived in California last Wednesday (May 15th) and spent two days with my oldest daughter in Beaumont. My oldest grand son (the 10 year old) did a report on Mickey Mantle.  As part of his report, he was to dress as the person he wrote about and stand like a statue in front of his display.  He had a button which we all had to push and then my grand son would begin to recite his report.  He had 17 people push his button.  We all enjoyed all the individual and interesting reports his class mates selected as well.

I helped my daughter prepare and make decorations for my younger daughter Jodee's Bridal shower on May 19th, held and talked with my newest grandson, Baby G as well as his brothers... (My oldest daughter is very protective of her boys, so again, she is my disclaimer as she will not allow me to put any pictures or mention the names of the 10 year old, the 8 year old or the newest, Baby G.)

Friday I drove to Mom's home and spent the night.  We had visits from two of my brothers, which ended up being a really fun time filled with laughter as we looked through the family pictures Mom and I were sorting through.

Saturday morning, Mom and I drove to Claremont to meet my sister Holly for a delayed Birthday and Mother's Day celebration. We enjoyed a relaxing breakfast at Walter's restaurant in the Village, then did some thrift store and other shopping before a nice lunch at Chili's in Glendora where we also saw the movie The  Big Wedding, which was a HUGE disappointment and I would NOT RECOMMEND it.

Since twisting my ankle last November, I can no longer wear flip flops.  I found some really comfortable shoes by Sketcher's called GO WALKS, which are a slip on tennis shoe.  VERY COMFORTABLE.  I bought them at Kohl's and told both Mom and Holly about them.  Mom hates to shop, so she usually waits in the car while my sister and I shopped.  We decided to buy Mom a pair and split the cost.  We had Mom try them on in the parking lot...and she LOVED THEM!  Happy Mother's Day Mom!!!

Sunday, my sister, my nephew's wife (Mother of my sister's FIRST GRAND SON), several of my daughter's friends, Mom and I attended my youngest daughter's Bridal shower.  She looked beautiful and we all had a great time. The highlight was my oldest daughter asking my youngest daughter questions asked to my daughter's fiancé.  For every wrong answer, Jodee had to shove a piece of Double-Bubble gum into her mouth, chew it and continue to answer questions.  Thankfully, for her, she answered 10 right out of 15...and technically, four of the five were right, but the girlfriend holding the bubble gum was very motivated to keep sticking it into her mouth...  My oldest daughter did a magnificent job of decorating as well as baking all the yummy goodies. It was a fun shower.

The rest of my visit I stayed with Mom, finishing our "photo project" sorting through all the family photos.  We had so many, we decided to make a big envelope for each kid in the family.  Now Mom has all the family photos all organized and in labeled photo boxes.  I did some cleaning and more de-cluttering so Mom can get the carpets cleaned, buy a new living room set and hire a cleaning lady.

Last Monday I called and made reservations for our favorite hotel in Laguna to stay in January for three nights.  Mom, my daughter Jodee, my sister Holly and I are going.  My older daughter Holly may join us for a day.  We used to go every year, but have not gone for the past three or four years.

This past Tuesday, May 21, 2013, was my Dad's Care Conference.  Mom usually attends alone with me attending via the telephone.  It turned out to be my turn for a depressing visit...  I was very emotional and Mom was forced to be the strong one...

Mom and I found Dad parked in his wheel chair against the wall, slumped over with both his eyes closed.  His hair was combed nicely, his hands were "lubed up" (due to his dry skin) and he wore a nice, soft, baby blue jogging suit with a beige t-shirt.  He looked frail, thin and gaunt.

 I went over to him and gently put my hand on his shoulder and greeted him with my pet name for him, "Papa-Doots".... no response...

I shook his shoulder softly and called to him again.  Very softly, so low I could barely hear what he was saying, he shook his head in disagreement...

Shaken, I went back over to where Mom had been standing, talking with one of the care givers.  Doctor-Doctor walked up wheeling another patient and gave us both hugs.  She stopped and looked around the corner and said something to another nurse who went over and bent over talking to Dad....

I watched and did not see him responding to her either.  Mom and I decided we would wheel him outside thinking it was too noisy for him to hear...

After wheeling him outside, he opened one eye and responded warmly to Mom...calling her "Lynnie, his wife..."  He told her how beautiful she looked and how happy she looked.  Mom told Dad I was there...

I sat in front of Dad on his "good ear" side, and greeted him again...his clasped hands never left his lap, he smiled and greeted me, calling me Donna...but did not reach out for a hug as he usually does.  I did not feel he knew who I was...I brought my camera and took pictures...

We asked if the sun felt good on his back and he said it did.  Mom asked if he would like his sunglasses and left to go check his room for He had not had a morning shave and his eyebrows and mustache needed trimming...

I asked how he felt...."Fine...I feel just fine..."

I asked if his teeth hurt..."No, I grit my teeth hard to keep them strong....I am afraid of losing them." 

I watched as he gritted his teeth and made a mental note to ask the Social Worker at the nursing home to schedule Dad for a teeth cleaning...

I asked if his foot hurt..."No, it feels fine..."

I asked if his right eye hurt...."Yes, it hurts all the time..... I close my eyes and pretend I am blind so it makes me feel more comfortable..."

I was on the verge of tears anyway, so this pushed me over the edge and I began softly crying because I did not want him to hear...and thankfully, he kept his eyes closed so he could not see me...

All I could manage was, I love you Dad...

"I love you too Donna..."

I sat and memorized his face, as I often do on my visits...never taking for granted the fact it could be the last time I see him...The skin cancer on his upper lip looks like an open sore.  It makes it difficult for the care givers to shave around it, so they are allowing him to have a mustache.  Dad has always been meticulous in his grooming...so his tongue was constantly patrolling the edge of his mustache which was a bit un-even and needed a little trimming....

I asked Dad about his breakfast and he responded by telling me he did not eat that much...(although his male nurse told us he ate everything...)

Mom reappeared and announced she could not find his sunglasses.... (Mom and I have been de-cluttering and cleaning her home and found a couple of pairs...so Mom will bring them next visit...)

Mom saw how upset I was, so she chatted with Dad about family news in a cheerful and animated voice.... Dad enjoyed it...smiling....but still talking very softly...Dad kept yawning, opening his mouth to the biggest, longest yawns....We asked if he was tired and he told us he wasn't...

In between lulls in the conversation, Dad would announce random fears.... "I'm afraid the moon will fall on me... When I fly high in the sky, I am afraid to touch the moon...."

Mom skillfully changed the subject and told Dad she would soon be 86 in June...

"That's old...", Dad announced.  Both Mom and I chuckled.

I told Dad I would be 66 in June....no comment by Dad...although I thought I detected a rise in his bushy eyebrows...

Mom asked Dad how old he would be...."Around 95" he stated... Mom reminded Dad he would be 93 in November.

"I'll take it." Dad smiled...

Mom asked how many children they shared....

"Five kids?"  Mom corrected him again and told him they had six....and went on to inform him they had 12 grand kids and 5 great grand kids.

"Babies make me happy..." Dad sighed.  Mom smiled, telling him how good he always was with all the children and grand children...

"I like horses soft noses..." Dad announced, changing the subject... I agreed with him on how soft horses noses were and how much we used to enjoy feeding the horses, and how their soft lips would tickle the palm of our hands as their lips would feel and search for the apples and carrots we would feed them.  (I had a roan gelding quarter horse when I was a teenager and Dad and I would go up to the stables where we boarded "Rusty" and feed him.)

"I like riding horses....but I am afraid to fall off..."

I told Dad if he pretended or dreamed of riding horses, he would never fall off....

Dad exploded into a laugh-cough and told me, "That's right!"

"I like swimming in the Don River..."  (We think this is a river Dad used to swim in in Connecticut...)

Mom complimented Dad on his swimming and how good of a swimmer he was...

"You used to like to swim too..." (meaning Mom)  Mom quickly reminded him she did not swim (and still does not to this day)....

"Grandpa Watt loved to swim too...he LOVED the cold water.  He used to take ice baths to prepare him to swim in the North Sea..."  (in Ireland).

Mom and I agreed....Dad tells the story of his grand father a lot....

"I'm afraid of cold water....I don't like it..."

I told Dad not to worry...we'd make sure the water was nice for swimming...

"I don't worry anymore...."  (Dad's mouth opened in a huge yawn, wide enough to see the back of his throat...)

Both of us told Dad we were glad to hear it...

"I always liked a lot of room....now I have it."

Mom and I looked at one another with questioned expressions...then shrugged and continued to listen to Dad...who continued to yawn like a garage door opening....

Mom pointed to her watch, indicating it was time for Dad's Care Conference...Mom leaned into Dad and told him we had an appointment so we would not have time to stay for lunch with him.  Dad told her it was OK....

At Dad's Care Conference, we were happy to have the newest Hospice nurse sitting in with the rest of us.  She has been excellent in keeping me informed of Dad's vitals, sending pictures of Dad's foot, following up on recent blood tests taken on Dad and updates on Dad's weight.

The nursing staff and wound care personnel for the nursing home have done an incredible job in keeping Dad's skin cancer growth on his toe, from infection over the past four years...but it is beginning to get a slight odor.  The doctor ordered a blood test and Dad's WBC has been steadily rising from 19.3 to 23.8.  Dad's doctor has had Dad on antibiotics and antibiotic cream for ten days at a time, then repeats the blood test.  Dad is due for another blood test May 26th or 27th when the ten days of antibiotics is complete.

Dad weighs 125.  His weight continues to go down, despite his appetite.

We reviewed Dad's Advance Directives... Our family has been discussing Dad's foot and have decided rather than amputating Dad's foot (if the infection should lead to it) we have decided allowing the infection to take him, keeping him medicated so he would not feel any pain, would be the most humane.  All the staff agreed it was much better than putting him through surgery.

Dad is being given Tylenol 500mg every 12 hours.  I asked the staff to monitor him closely and to consider giving him it more often with the possibility of giving him something stronger if indicated as Dad may not be able to articulate he is in pain... The Hospice nurse said she would follow up with Dad's doctor.

Dad has very poor circulation in his legs which adds to the difficulty is treating the skin cancer on his baby toe.  In the past, Dad's doctor has said if we did amputate, it would have to be taken above his knee due to the poor circulation.  Dad's doctor has been doing weekly Cryotherapy treatments to prevent the growth from getting too big.

Mom shared how much Barbara Karnes, a popular speaker, Author and Hospice Nurse, had helped her make difficult decisions for both herself and Dad.  Mom has contacted the Neptune Society and arranged for both her and Dad's final arrangements.  Mom also shared how meeting and talking with Barbara Karnes had given her such peace, eliminating her fear of death and dying.

Mom, my husband and I had recently attended a lecture from Barbara Karnes in Pasadena, CA while in California for my niece's wedding the beginning of May.  We all really enjoyed it as well as meeting Barbara.  Several of the staff were unfamiliar with her, but the Hospice nurse opened her binder showing us two of Ms. Karnes' books.  (If interested, you can read her blog on link on top left column of my blog or read here.)

Several of the nurses and staff attending the Conference shared their personal stories in caring for their loved ones who had died.  It was very moving and emotional listening and sharing.  Two of the nurses had tears in their eyes when Mom and I shared the family decision...they genuinely care so much for Dad.  We feel they are an extension of our family. We have been so blessed to have found this particular nursing home... the level of care has been extraordinary.  The atmosphere is very homey and we have always commented on how the staff is always friendly and smiling...

After the Care Conference, Mom and grabbed some lunch "to go" and went to her Alzheimer's Support Group.  She has a wonderful group of women and men to rally around her along with  a compassionate and well informed Facilitator, who has become a dear friend.

I have been traveling back and forth between Nevada and California either alone or with my husband for various family events as well as visiting Dad since December, so my blogging as been few and far between.  This month I was in California twice.  Some days I don't know whether I am coming or going...

I have been commissioned to do an acrylic painting measuring 24" x 24".  It is to be delivered by the end of June, so next month, despite family high school, grammar school graduations and birthdays I am planning on staying home to complete the painting.

Care Conference for Dad...

Yesterday, Mom and I attended Dad's Care Conference.  Her in person, me over the phone.  Dad is holding his weight at 133 and is averaging eating 76% of his food.  The Director of Nursing attended the meeting and commented Dad's blood pressure and resting heart rate were better than hers.

The new Social Worker assured us Dad is attending activities five days out of the week, but she has noticed, as other staff have, how much quieter Dad has become.  All Dad's tests have come back good.

Mom and I made sure they all knew we did not want to force Dad to eat.  If Dad says he is not hungry, we want them to let him alone.  We went over his medications and final instructions.

We all had a chuckle when Mom shared how Dad was stuck on discussing sex last week with both of us...she learned in her support group how common it is.

After the conference, Mom went to visit Dad.  As soon as Mom greeting him and asked how he was, Dad announced he felt good!  Again, Dad kept both eyes shut while talking with Mom.  Dad's lunch was served and one of the male care givers came by Dad's table and offered to feed Dad.  Mom thanked him, but told him she would like to feed Dad.  Dad's lunch smelled delicious....he had lasagna, garlic bread, mixed vegetables, coffee (which he smacked his lips over), two small glasses of milk, strawberry ice cream and a banana.  He emptied everything on his plate.

One of Dad's former room mates, who was moved from Dad's room because he played his music so loud which disturbed Dad, came over in his walker and told her she looks younger and younger each time he sees her come to visit Dad.  Mom told him he made her day!

Mom intended to go home and eat, but did not have time as she had her support group to attend.  She barely made it on time.  One of the ladies was having a birthday so Mom was able to munch on some cookies which held her over until she got home to eat.

All and all it was a good visit and report.

Dad's Care Conference 11-27-12

Mom and I attended Dad's Care Conference this past Tuesday, Mom in person and me, over the phone.
They started off confirming I am the first contact, then Mom, then my brother K____.

Confirmed we do not want CPR or any invasive life saving procedures....only transportation to hospital if ill, continued medications etc.

We reviewed the various services provided.  Dad had seen the Optometrist, but apart from Dad's bad right eye with the skin cancer, his left is about the same on his glasses prescription, so no new glasses were ordered.

The Opthamologist saw Dad and still requests Dad to be evaluated by a plastic surgeon.  We plan on having Dad see the Opthamologist and surgeon he saw last April, but as long as Dad is in no pain, we will not take any action as Dad would not cooperate anyway.

The Psychiatrist visited Dad and gave orders to keep Dad on his "happy pills" Lexapro and the Aracept.

Dad's toe nails had been trimmed by the Podiatrist and the nursing home it is done regularly, despite Dad having the growth on his left foot and being on Hospice.

The Dentist still wants to pull several of Dad's teeth (instead of filling them) and we continue to say NO, unless Dad has any pain.

Dad continues to have a great appetite and weighs 152 pounds.

The Activities Director extended an invitation to our family to attend their real Santa Christmas Party with food and gifts on December 14th at 12:30pm.

Dad's meds were reviewed with one new order for new antibiotic drops for Dad's right eye for a period of ten days, ordered by Dad's doctor who last saw Dad November 19th.  The doctor has been giving Dad the liquid nitrogen treatments and Dad has not complained of any pain on his left foot.

I confirmed Dad was not diabetic and the Director of Nursing assured me Dad was not diabetic.

All in all it was a good report.  Dad continues to flirt and be joyful with all the female nursing staff and hospice staff and volunteers.  We all had a good chuckle with Dad's amorous ways.

Mom popped in to visit Dad but he was snoozing in his wheel chair as holiday music waived through the air.  He looked so peaceful, Mom decided not to wake him and to come another day.

Care Conference on Dad for July 17, 2012

Mom and I attended Dad's Care Conference yesterday.  She in person, me over the phone.  They confirmed I am the first contact and then went right into asking if we had decided on the Advanced Directive.  We determined on a DNR and no feeding tubes.  We will agree to Limited Intervention, meaning if Dad needed antibiotics, oxygen, keeping him comfortable or having him transferred to the hospital to treat him for anything the nursing home could not provide.

Mom and I brought up a letter Mom received about taking Dad off Lexapro in September if they did not receive a letter from the Psychiatrist saying it is still required.  I have a phone call into his office and Mom will write a letter, sending a copy of the letter, and asking the doctor to make sure Dad stays on the medication.

Dad attends activities four to five days a week and especially enjoys the music and singing.  All agreed Dad is slowing down and keeps his eyes shut a lot of the time...but will open them upon prompting.  Dad eats 80 to 100% of his food and weighs 148 pounds.

The dentist visited Dad and attempted to take x-rays which Dad refused.  The dentist came a month later and was able to do a visual exam.  Dad has several cavities, moderate gingivitis and heavy tartar build up, but will not allow any treatment.

The podiatrist and primary doctor both agree on not being able to get a manual pulse in his left foot and they may decide to do another Doppler test.

I received a phone call, later in the afternoon, after the Care Conference from the nursing home after Dad's primary doctor visited Dad, telling me he discontinued further Cryotherapy treatments as it was not helping the infection.  More blood tests were ordered for this coming Monday.

Mom visited Dad after the conference and found him fairly chipper.  His eye looked dry and well scabbed over.  He had a new haircut, but needed a shave and his facial hairs trimmed.  Doctor-Doctor helped Dad into a wheel chair so Mom could take him out front and enjoy the weather and all the beautiful flowers newly planted with the latest renovation.

Their visit was short and sweet as it was close to lunch time.  Mom noted both in and out of the building, Dad's alarm did not sound, so she informed Doctor-Doctor and she promised to have Dad's batteries changed in his alarm.

I had called the nursing station after I hung up from the Care Conference and was lucked out as Dad was sitting in front of the nursing station when I called.  I find Dad responds more positively if I am very animated and upbeat.  I greeted him with my pet name for him and he responded back with a laugh and repeated what I had just said... The nurse had told him I was on the phone so he said my name...

He repeated most of what I said to him back to me...but sounded happy.  He did mention I "found him this nice house"...meaning the nursing home...and told me "he loved me so very much"....

I could hear him smiling as he told me "Someone is here, who you know and love..." and I thought he meant Mom...so I asked to speak with her...Doctor-Doctor came on the line...and we both laughed as I told her I thought Dad had meant my Mom.  I thanked her for all she does and told her it was good to hear her voice, then asked for her to return the phone to Dad.  I realized Dad had forgotten her name...

When Dad came on the line, I told him how much I enjoyed talking with Doctor-Doctor...and Dad laughed and repeated her name....as if he was thinking it was such a perfect name for her...

Our conversation was very brief, as it seems to be lately, but it was so good just to hear his voice tell me he loves me...

He said he was going to take a nap soon.... so I told him to get his beauty rest and have only sweet dreams...how much I loved and missed him....and God Bless you Dad...

I usually have to call back to the nursing station to make sure they take the phone, because often Dad continues to stay on the phone even after I disconnect.  The nurse laughed and said, "Oh, you're not still talking to your Dad?"  I told her we were finished so she told me she would get the phone from Dad because he still was talking and holding it to his ear...

I had received an email from Dad's primary care doctor apologizing for not answering my email of June 30th.  He has been very busy with sick patients in the hospital, but he planned on seeing Dad Tuesday, the day of the Conference, and would email me afterward...

I anticipate hearing from him by next Tuesday, as he ordered more blood tests on Dad....I assume to see how the infection in his foot is reading in his blood work...

We leave tomorrow for my step-son's Marine Core Boot Camp Graduation in San Diego....then Saturday to another step son's home for a family BBQ, an Angel/Ranger game on Sunday and back home on Monday... I pray the activities keep me mentally occupied...

I am lifting Dad in prayer....since the Cryotherapy is not working on the infection in his toe and foot...I am anticipating the doctor suggesting the removal of Dad's toe or foot... I know how traumatized Dad will be if he has any realization about the surgery....and how much he would protest...  We discussed how detrimental general anesthesia can be for Dad with Alzheimer's/Dementia in the Care Conference, so we all are just holding our breath.

I also asked the doctor about Hospice if he should determine surgery would be the best option...

We can only put our faith in God and lift Dad up to the Lord...

Thank you so much for each and every one of you who offer advice, support and prayers on this blog.  You all remain so close to my heart and life long friends.

Dad's Care Conference and Updates...

On the 17th, the skin care nurse called to tell me Dad is still screaming when she attempts to clean out his right eye...Also, Dad's left pinkie toe is very swollen and it looks like the basal cell carcinoma on his pinkie toe is growing.  She told me Dad's doctor opened it up to see if it was infected, but there was none.  She suggested we take him to a Dermatologist or Surgeon because it really looks bad...When I asked if Dad complained of pain or discomfort, she told me he rarely complains...

She invited me to find her next time I come to visit, which will be in May, and she will show me the progressive photos she has taken of Dad's toe.  I thanked her for taking such wonderful care of Dad.  She thanked me for the Alveeno lotion and told me what a difference it makes on Dad's skin.

Dad's Care Conference was also on the 17th... Mom attended in person and I attended via the phone.  First topic, as usual is to review the emergency procedures.  Apparently my brother K_____ put himself and our other brother S_______ as the 2nd person to call and removed Mom's name.  I am the first to be called.

We told them we are having a family meeting in May when I go to California to discuss whether we want Dad resuscitated with CPR should his heart stop or he stops breathing.  We all have to discuss this together as there is much to consider...  Since Dad is a Veteran we also need to discuss burial plans as both Mom and Dad prefer cremation.  We all have avoided these topics, but the sooner we make these difficult decisions, we can be relieved of the burden of indecision hanging over our heads...

We listened to the review of his medications and the services he has had over the past several months, with the Podiatrist, the Dentist, the Psychiatrist and heard how well he is doing with his rehabilitation and exercise.  Dad enjoys Bingo, Bible Study and especially music with a fast beat.  The staff all chimed in on how much they enjoy Dad's dancing and singing.

Dad is on two anti-depressants, Lexapro and Remeron.  The Remeron helps him have more of an appetite.  It is doing its job because Dad has gained 6 pounds and now weighs 148 pounds.  Dad gets ice cream twice a day, as well as supplement shakes three times a day.  Dad has never weighed more than 150 pounds, which is his ideal weight, so he is doing much better.

They confirmed again that "Pickles" will accompany Dad on the transport for his appointment with the specialist (Opthamologist) tomorrow to examine his eye and determine if it is in fact cancer... I really believe it is cancer because it has not gotten any better in the last four years he has had it.  I can't imagine the possible treatment other than disfiguring Dad's face or removing his eye...I don't want to think of either one...I know Mom is really nervous about the results and stressed with the entire appointment...

We would greatly appreciate you keeping Dad in your prayers...

Care Conference, Memories, a Fedora and Sardines...

I waited from 10:20am to noon for my  Care Conference call on Dad this morning... Mom finally called me at noon to tell me the nursing home ran late and ended up having to use a room with no phone to see Mom.  They sent their apologies to me with Mom...

Overall, Dad is happy and content.  So happy they asked if we wanted them to discontinue some of his "happy pills"...which I assume are the Zyprexia and the Lexopro.  The last Care Conference, Dad was taking an array of 22 medications, ointments, vitamins and minerals...and I was hoping to update my list.  I tried calling, but all the nurses are in a meeting and I was asked to call back after 3pm.

They also wanted to know if we still wanted them to perform CPR if his heart would give out...telling Mom often with patients of Dad's age, 91, the breast bone can break.

They always ask us these questions to stay on top of everything, but it is always difficult to think about.  We also have an order for a stomach tube to be used for a short time.  I do not see the point of stomach tubes... my mother in law unfortunately was taken to the dark depths at the very end of Alzheimer's when the patient forgets how to eat, swallow, open their eyes, speak, and becomes comatose. 

My husband and his children decided not to do the stomach tube.  At the time, I had not gone through hospice training, so I did not know it is more harmful to use the stomach tube because the body is shutting down and it is more humane to allow it to happen.  I thought she would starve to death and it would be torture, so I was against it...but out voted.  I was by her side the last two weeks of her life and I never saw her more peaceful.  They took her off all medication and she laid there with such a restful expression on her face...

I read her Bible verses and hummed along with the Pastor sang to her.  One day while he was praying over her and singing, she moved her head so it touched his forehead and stayed there for a few minutes forehead to forehead...both the Pastor and I wept.

One day I was just sitting and talking to her...telling her how much I loved her and what a good mother and grandmother she was, and she fluttered her eyes and mumbled she loved me too.... She never looked like she was in any pain at all.  Her face never flinched or grimaced...she looked very serene and peaceful. I felt so blessed to receive that last gift from her...

Toward the end, the last day, she kept her mouth open to breathe...it was labored, but she still seemed peaceful.  The hospice nurse told us she was getting close and suggested we say our good byes...The Pastor suggested my husband tell her it was OK to let go...  He went in with her alone and said his good byes and shortly afterward, she let go and died.

I don't want my Dad to go to the end with Alzheimer's.  If his heart gives out, I want to let him go home to the Lord.  I know he is in a wonderful nursing home...but I will NEVER get used to visiting him there.  I HATE that he has to be there at all.  We do our best to see the positives, and the biggest blessing has been the personality change for the better in Dad.  Because he was demented for years, he refused often to take his medications and was very distrustful of doctors.  He was paranoid, suspicious and made life very difficult for himself and for Mom.

I can't help believing if he would have allowed the doctors to prescribe the dementia medications earlier, he could have stayed home longer and been much happier.  God knows, it would have made it so much better for Mom since she was his main caregiver.  He refused to believe he had dementia.  He forbid anyone to use the words dementia or Alzheimer's around him.  He preferred to think he had Parkinson's, like his younger sister...(which he did not have.)

Mom wants us all to have a family meeting and get together and discuss all of this.  We also need to decide on a mortuary and make final arrangements.  Both Mom and Dad plan on cremation, but since Dad is a Veteran, he can be buried in a national cemetery.  Each conference, Mom and I know we all have to discuss all of this, and send an email to everyone, but no one responds....it is just too difficult to think about...  We don't talk about it much, but I would venture to guess, everyone feels the way I do...


After the meeting, Mom went to visit Dad.  She had looked in on him when the conference was delayed, but he was absorbed with the Bible Study...so Mom did not disturb him.  The social director said Dad joins in on many more of the activities...seeking out others and being happily social...a blessing in deed, as when he was his "normal demented self" he was reserved, withdrawn and introverted.

The first thing she noticed was the gray fedora sitting, fashionably tilted on Dad's head.  Someone had given it to him and the nurses told Mom they have difficulty getting it off his head when they tuck him in at night... Dad thinks he looks pretty snazzy with it and will not part with it...

 picture from google images

Mom wheeled him into the lobby so they could visit before lunch.  Dad told her how happy he was and how nice it is there.  He was thrilled they gave him the fedora.

"Did you see the football game yesterday?" Mom asked...

"Oh yes, I have seen all Holl Doll's movies (Holl Doll is Dad's nick name for my sister Holly)...she is in practically every one I've seen..."

"I am amazed she has the time since she works at her job 40 hours a week...but I am sure she can much more money in movies..."


Mom tried again... "So what about the political debates...have you been following those?" (Dad used to be a staunch Republican...)

"Do I like sardines?  You know I love sardines...what's the matter with you?" 

"Oh yes," Mom said with a smirk, "how could I forget?"

(Dad has a hearing aid locked in the nurses station, but we cannot let him wear it without us, or it will get lost, like everything else does... Often we forget to get it, but looks like we may have to make more of an effort to get it during visits...)

Dad's Care Conference and An Interesting Visit With Dad...

Mom and I attended Dad's Care Conference this morning.  Dad has lost 6 pounds this month, which is an improvement since he gained 9 last month!  He weighs 160 pounds. We complimented the head chef and told him how much Dad LOVES his food!

They raved on about how sweet and nice he is, enthused by how much he enjoys the activities.

May 4th, Dad had several lab tests, specifically the HBA1C to check for Diabetes.  His fasting blood was 116 and he got a 7.4 on the HBA1C.  So far, Dad's doctor has not given any orders pertaining to Dad being diabetic or needing any medication.

We discussed at length why I am not being called with new treatments, medication or tests.  It was determined certain staff members were not as conscientious as other staff members in making the calls.  We were assured these staff members would be spoken to and reminded.  I asked them again to put a large note in big bold print on  Dad's chart, to call me first with anything new about Dad.

I also had them make a copy of Dad's current medication and medical issues.

Both Mom and I commended them on the care Dad receives.  All things considered, their quality of care is very much appreciated and valued by our family.

                                                 ***************************
Mom and I went into to visit Dad and met Doctor-Doctor in the hallway.  She is recovered from her two surgeries (gall stones and hernia) and had died her hair dark from her bleached blond.  She looked crisp and well rested in her pink breast cancer ribbon top with white pants.  She told us Dad had been grouchy early that morning and without knowing we were coming, she had told Dad he would have some visitors coming to see him....

After hugging her, we went into the dining room where everyone was playing Italian Bingo... The caller would hold up a picture of something Italian and then the letter in bold print of which letter to look for on the Bingo board.

I snuck up behind Dad so he could not see me.  Mom popped her head in front of Dad and asked him if he wanted to go out on the patio with her or finish his Bingo.  Dad laughed out loud with excitement in seeing her.  "Of course I'd rather go out to the patio with you!"

Mom stood behind me as I pushed Dad to the patio.  When I put on the brakes to his wheel chair, he saw me.  He reached out to me, calling me by name, pulling me in for a big hug and kiss.

I asked Dad where he got the tennis shoes he was wearing..."Oh they gave them to me, " he chimed... "I can run very fast and take my walks..."  Both Mom and I both spoke at the same time, reminding him what happened the last time he went for a run... "Oh, I know...but these shoes are so comfortable and fit so well...and I can walk all over...."  Mom cautioned him and I decided I would have to say something to the staff...

Dad used to walk every day prior to be admitted to the nursing home.  He had the habit of walking very fast, (I could barely keep up with him), swinging his arms in exaggerated arcs along side his long walking strides... He also did floor exercises and isometric exercises he learned in the Marines.  He was impressively limber for a man 88 years of age.  Now he is 90 and a half.

We chatted about family.  He imagined or remembered past visits with my brothers, as recent.  Dad related his visits with my brothers, telling Mom and I about lengthy discussions...I asked if he wanted to see some of my pictures, and then showed Dad the pictures I had taken from my visits with my daughters and grand sons.  I also shared photos from yesterday, when our family celebrated Mother's Day, and my niece's announcement of her engagement.  They plan to marry next June.   Dad laughed with joy, commenting on how good everyone looked.

Dad surprised us by pointing out birds and animals he saw in, I guess, patterns within the photographs.  I did a double take on several of the photos, but could not see what Dad saw...

I excused myself after awhile, and went in to talk to the charge nurse, as I was very concerned Dad was wearing the black tennis shoes.  He is NOT suppose to be wearing shoes, only his foam or non-stick booties due to his ulcer on his left pinkie toe. I was able to put faces to two people (a male and a female), whose voices I am familiar with.  I reminded them both about Dad NOT wearing shoes.  The male went outside immediately and checked out the shoes Dad was wearing

I also made sure Dad was on daily showers (which is was not) and asked them to give him a shave and trim his facial hairs...I asked for them to put a big note on Dad's chart to make sure I am called with any changes to his medication or treatment.

His male aide brought Dad's lunch to him out on the patio.  Here is a picture.  It smelled absolutely delicious!

Coffee, milk, green beans, mashed potatoes, boneless chicken breast (which I cut up), green jello with pears and marshmallows, bread and butter with spice cake for dessert.

Mom and I took turns feeding him.  He can not bend the fingers of his left hand and his right hand is still tender from his arthritis flare up...

He was a happy camper and enjoyed his food with great gusto!

It was a nice long visit.  He was happy to see the pictures.  I had to wipe tears from his right eye...not sure if he was emotional from seeing the grand kids and great grand kids, or the ulcer on his right eye lid...

After his lunch, he excused himself after a large belch and announced he would like to take a nap.  We wheeled him back to the nursing station.  The nurses prefer we leave Dad with them, than leaving him to wait in his room, because Dad has been getting up and taking himself to the restroom.  We all want to be cautious to avoid any falls.

We kissed and hugged good bye.  He thanked us for coming and told us to have a good lunch.  Mom and I were salivating from his sumptuous lunch!  Due to the blustery weather, we decided we would have soup and salad at the North Woods Inn... it was GREAT!

Care Conference for Dad...

This morning Mom and I attended Dad's Care Conference.  Mom in person, me via conference call.  The physical therapist was the first to report, as he had to return to his patients.  He told us he got Dad into an exercise routine to increase his flexibility and strength from being in the hospital for almost a week.  Dad was doing well, no complaints and was doing some walking with assistance.  Dad told him he was worried about losing his upper body strength, so they are incorporating appropriate exercises to accommodate it for him. 

Did is using a front wheel walker and still not allowed to wear shoes.  He wears slipper socks when he is exercising, and his foam booties while in his wheel chair or in bed.  The wound care nurse is treating Dad's pinkie toe and keeping a watchful eye so no one puts shoes on Dad.

The nutritionist reported Dad has gained 15 pounds in the past six months.  He now weighs 157 pounds!  Needless to say, we all know there is nothing wrong with Dad's appetite!

Mom and I decided I would be the only one on the emergency sheet.  I would be the first contact and then I will call her and every one else in the family.  They confirmed my address and phone numbers.

The social director told us a lot of the staff decided to wear funny wigs today... she had a bleached blond wig on, and everyone commented Dad would love it.  She also mentioned she was going to ask Dad to help her plant some raised flower beds.  Last year, she enlisted Dad to plant flowers in all the flower boxes out on the patio.  Dad, being a former horticulturist, is in his element working with plants and the earth.

She shared with us how Dad had been watching Beaches with Bette Midler and how he was laughing his head off while watching it.  She and other staff members got such a kick from his hearty laughter...

Rather than have the head nurse read off all Dad's medications, I asked her to send me a current list of the medication he is taking.  She told me Dad had finished his antibiotics and would probably be getting off the anti-depressants he has been on. The Psychiatrist had last seen Dad on 1-7-11 and had ordered it. They all remarked at how happy  and content Dad is.  We told them how anxious Dad was to get back to the nursing home...

We discussed emergency response and we agreed to full medical treatment should CPR be required.

Dad has his teeth cleaned every three months.    I got the name of the dentist who comes to treat him so I can follow up and get further information.

Dad saw the Podiatrist 1-11-11 to have his toe nails trimmed.

Dad had his eyes checked by the Opthamologist and reported his latest glasses were adequate.  Dad only wears them when he reads his Bible.  Most times when I visit, he is not wearing his glasses.  We discussed a recommendation of the Opthamologist to refer Dad to a Ocular Plastics for the lumps on his eyes.  We also discussed rescheduling his consult with the Opthamologist. 

Since we all have decided if a biopsy or surgery was required, Dad would freak out, and we don't want to upset Dad nor do we want to have him sedated.  So for now, we will leave it alone and continue to treat it topically and with antibiotics.  We have determined we would only consider it if it was a matter of life or death. 

There were no changes on the Doppler test, other than the preliminary findings, which I posted a couple of days ago... We discussed Dad's compression stockings.  It was agreed the damage to Dad's legs has been done, so if we can get him to allow the nurses to put them on, fine, if not, we will not press the issue with Dad.  We just want him to be comfortable and as stress free as possible.

All in all it was a good conference.

Care Conferences and Saying Goodbyes...

Mom attended Dad's Care Conference this morning.  She did not call me because she felt I needed some relaxng time.  Dad weighs 157 lbs. and Mom kidded us all by saying, they may have to cut down his ice cream!!  Just kiddin'.... Dad would NOT put up with that!

Dad has been visited or cared for by all his doctors except the hearing aid doc, who will visit him Nov. 15th.  On Oct. 23rd, Dad's Lexapro was cut from 10 mg to 5 mg, otherwise no changes.  All his reports were good and Mom thanked everyone for his wonderful care.

Mom spoke with the Administrator, telling him how much we appreciated the attention Dad receives, especially his afternoon birthday party.  He told Mom how much the staff loves him, and he appreciated the kind words.  Mom wrote a thank you note to the Activities Director who arranged Dad's party and the entertainment.

The former Director of Nursing left and is working in Pasadena for a non profit place.  The new D.O.N. will start after Thanksgiving.  One of the nurses, who is very nice, is filling in.  

Our week in California comes to an end tomorrow.  We will leave my daughter's home around 9am and head back to Nevada.  Tonight at dinner, my oldest daughter's 6 year old son told us how much he would miss us after we leave...

We will miss you too sweetheart... we will miss all of you....

It's All About Dad...

Today was Dad's Care Conference.  Mom attended in person, and I, via speaker phone.  Mom thanked the head chef for all the good food he prepares and told him how much Dad enjoys it.  She related a few funny stories about the "salty sailor' who cusses while woofing down his food, and the other day, when Dad thought the strawberry ice cream on his spoon was lipstick and belly laughing when Mom had explained what it was. 

I was asked to confirm I still wanted to be the first person contacted regarding Dad and I told them yes.  They asked if I was being contacted first and I let them know it has really improved.  They mentioned the BIG NOTE IN BLACK MARKER on his chart, which I had asked them to do.  The social worker explained their procedure to call the "responsible person" first.  They asked if I wanted to be listed as the responsible person.  Mom and I both agreed she would remain the responsible person and I would be the first contact.

I asked how the therapy is affected when Dad's 100 days of Medicare coverage expires after his hospital stay last May.  Mom had found out that morning with the financial manager, but had not had a chance to explain it to me.  After 100 days following a hospital stay, Medi-Cal kicks in and does a maintenance program to keep up all the progress Dad has made.  On Medicare, Dad gets newer exercise and more intensified therapy.

Mom wanted to know how Dad is doing with his mobility.  The therapist said they always have someone walking with Dad for safety sake.  Dad uses a walker when he walks.  He can stand by himself, but to keep him steady, someone is always beside him.

I asked how often his wrist alarm is checked and discovered they check it every day. 

We went over emergency response and life saving procedures.  We confirmed we wanted Dad to be revived by all available methods and kept alive or on machines only until all family members who would want to see Dad for a final good bye, could be present.  I know myself and my brother in Ohio would appreciate this option. We agreed and made it clear, Dad did not want to be kept alive by machines.  His sister was basically a vegetable living on machines, and it really bothered and shook him up.  He told us he did not ever want that for himself.

We had discussions about Dad having a hearing aid kept at the nurses locked medicine cart. Dad has new glasses on order that will go better with his cataracts.  He will have a podiatrist appointment, and daily showers and regular trimming of his facial hair.  The psychiatrist had been to see Dad and felt he was doing as well as expected.  His primary is due to see him the first of September.

I asked them to please continue to offer him water and to always make sure he has a pitcher of cold water with ice on his bed stand. 

We shared Mom and Dad's 65th wedding anniversary had been August 4th.  Dad did not remember this year, and Mom did not remind him.  Dad will celebrate his 90th birthday in November.  The staff were so excited to hear it and told us they would make a huge party for him to celebrate. They reminded us about their Halloween carnival on October 22nd and told us we all were invited.  Last year, Dad was afraid of some of the costumes.  Mom and I plan on attending this year, so Dad can enjoy it more.

I commented on how Dad has always been so reserved, introverted, shy, and quiet and how his personality has changed to being more extroverted, vocal, joyful, happier and how he seems so free.  We all have commented on him laughing more than we ever remember and enjoy his impromptu singing hymns.

The activities director told us she was developing a gardening class and wanted to see if Dad would help her again.  Last Spring, Dad planted flowers and herbs in the window boxes.  She told us they have huge sunflowers growing now, and wanted to bring Dad out to enjoy them.  Both Mom and I told them he would LOVE it!!!

They read the list of all of his medications and told us Dad had a small rash on his abdomen. Dad has very sensitive skin, so this is not surprising. Dad is getting a lot of vitamins to insure wound healing, skin health and to supplement mental health.

Mom and I thanked them for being the Angels they all are and told them how much we appreciate the care they give Dad and for all they do.

Dad's Care Conference for May 25-2010

Mom and I attended Dad's Care Conference today.  Mom in person, me, via telephone.

The DON read the list of Dad's medications.  He finished his antibiotics for the UI on 5-16-10 and finished the bacterim for the MRSA on 5-21-10.  At this particular time, Dad is off all blood thinners until further orders from Dad's doctor.

Dad has gained one pound and really LOVES ice cream.

Dad is on stool softners and laxitives for constipation. The nursing home is keeping Dad on the continued orders from his hospital admission notes. Dad takes a multi-vitamin with Iron, but the DON assured us it was not enough to cause any trouble.

Dad is anemic. Again, diagnosis from the hospital.  Did the brain bleed cause it?  The DON did not know and asked me to ask the doctor.  I will be sending an email to the doctor with my questions... I also want to know what else are they doing to monitor Dad's brain bleed?

Dad's hearing aid finally came, but they are not allowing Dad to wear it, for fear he will lose it.  They keep it locked on the nursing med cart and we can ask for it, let Dad wear it, and then return it to the cart.

They also ordered a third pair of eye glasses for Dad.  Dad has lost or given away his last two pairs, saying, "Someone needed them more than he did". We suggested getting one of those necklace things to hold the glasses around his neck.

I asked what they felt were the reasons Dad keeps getting the urinary tract infections.  The DON stated hygiene, for a possible reason.  I told her, Dad would NOT be at fault in that situation.  She also stated Dad did not drink enough water.  Again, would not the nursing home be responsible for that as well??

The nursing home staff offer water every two hours, but if Dad refuses, they move on and ask later.  They can't force him to drink. ( Every time my sister and I are there, he guzzles two cups of water for us.)

I know Dad will not ask, as he does not think of it, plus, he would think he is being a bother...
I asked if his prostate issues would contribute to the UI.  First the DON told me no, then when I explained to her that Dad's prior doctor (before he was admitted) explained to me that the enlarged prostate can put pressure on the kidneys or bladder making it more difficult to urinate, or to make him go more often.  I asked if Dad is not drinking enough water, wouldn't that complicate his problem?  The DON then agreed with me.

Overall, Dad is healing well and quickly from the cuts and abrasions from his fall.


With all Dad's medical issues, and this recent fall, we decided Mom and my second to the oldest brother K___, (who is the Executor) need to review the DNR paperwork.  We all agreed it is better to get that order straightened out now, rather than in the midst of an emotionally difficult situation. 

Hopefully, Dad's doctor will answer my email questions soon...

                                                     ***********************

I found out today I won a give away on Jenny Matlock's blog at http://jennymatlock.blogspot.com/.  I won a really cool french white, casserole dish with a cooling rack and handle.

I also found out I won a drawing at our former Realtor's office for a $50 gift certificate at Tuscany Grill, a nice Italian restaurant in Henderson, NV.

I feel so lucky!! :}

Dad's Care Conference...

Today Mom and I attended Dad's Care Conference.  Mom in person, me via conference call.  My first question was to ask how Dad's head was.  Apparently, he did not need antibiotics after all.  The steri-strip they "butterflied" over his eyebrow, did the trick.

His eyeglasses have not been delivered yet, so the suggestion was to get Dad some magnifying glasses for reading and for Mom to get him one of those chains to keep his glasses around his neck.  His hearing aid has been approved, but Medi-Cal has not paid for it yet.  Doesn't look like they will fill Dad's cavity.  If he complains, they will pull it.  Next time I visit, I will look at Dad's tooth.  Maybe I can pay a Dentist to fill it for him.

Dad has gained 26 pounds since August.  He weighs 148. His health status and medication has not changed, except they are considering lowering his anti-depressant medication.  Dad's doctor will have the final say, but the nursing home is vigilant about not over-medicating.

Dad will be moved back to his old bed by the window today, since his room mate is infection free. I know he will be happy to look out his window and have his "wall of love" again.

Shortly after the conference, I got a call from the charge nurse.  When Dad acted up the other day, they took a urinalysis and found out today, he has a urinary tract infection.  She explained to me that often a patient can get unruly and angry from not feeling well.  Dad will be on antibiotics for a week. I feel they really stay on top of the details the majority of the time...

Mom went to visit Dad after the Conference and found him finishing his lunch, enjoying some cake and coffee.  I think Dad thinks he is 18 again, the way his conversations are all about sex lately... Mom listened and joked with him...

Mom needed help getting Dad back to his room, so they paged the male attendant.  Dad's Angel, doctor-doctor heard the room number paged, and recognized it as Dad's.  Mom noticed she looked tired and she admitted she was.  Mom explained to Dad that his Angel was tired and needed to go home and rest. Dad agreed, being very concerned for her, but wanted to follow her home.

Before Mom could open her mouth, Angel caught Mom's eye and shook her head, letting Mom know not to worry.  She would handle it.

The movie for the afternoon was GONE WITH THE WIND...and you all know how Dad would look forward to that!!

Dad asked Mom for a divorce...

I missed Dad's care conference call this morning.  My Orthopedic Surgeon was informing me I have a frozen shoulder, instead of a torn Rotator Cuff.  Glad to hear I don't have to have surgery... but, I still have to be put to sleep, so he can manipulate my arm and free it up.  I also have to have physical therapy for 6 weeks to make sure my shoulder does not freeze up again. Terrific!

Mom said the care meeting was very positive.  Dad weighs 141 pounds! So needless to say, the doctor is taking Dad off the appetite stimulator medication.  His hearing aid has been ordered, but it will take awhile.  They removed enough ear wax to wax several surf boards, but all in all, he is holding his own.  He dislikes wearing his compression stockings and yells at the aides when they try to put them on him.  We have decided we are not going to fight with Dad about it.  The nurse reassured Mom that they check him every two hours and if there is any swelling, they will elevate his legs immediately.

The nursing home called me and informed me of this decision, as they are suppose to.  I am to be the first one they call with anything out of the ordinary with Dad.  I asked the nurse if it would be possible to have them select a time and then call me so I could talk with Dad. I have such a difficult time connecting with him.  She was very kind and called me back so I could talk with Dad.

Dad sounded tired, but started the conversation by telling me he had sad news to share with me.  He then proceeded to inform me he had asked Mom for a divorce.  He said it was for the best, and she knows, but pretends not to.  He had to tell the truth, and he would give her ice cream.  He told me he was looking for an apartment and he was going to get a car so he could go to church.

I reminded him of what my youngest brother had told him.  Dad considers himself a Farmer, and loves the out of doors, so outside in Nature, is a great place to pray.  I told Dad, he can talk with God, any time, any place, any where, and his voice warmed up as he thanked me for telling him, saying he needed to remember that...

He hoped Mom would be OK, because he is no longer happy with the neighborhood.  I assured him, the brothers were checking in with her.  He told me he loved Mom very much and she was a brave gal.

As soon as we hung up, I called Mom.  She confirmed Dad had told her they were getting a divorce, "because God had told him to".  He had told Mom he was in love with someone else. Mom told him she was still coming to visit him.  Apparently, there is a little lady, who is quite taken with Dad, and thinks he is her "Papa" (husband) and she tells him repeatedly she loves him.  She asks him, if he loves her, and of course, he tells her he does.

I know he does not know what he is saying, but it was very strange to hear.  Dad was singing Christmas Carols, and again telling Mom, how very happy he was there.  He mentioned tonight being the "scariest night of the year" again, and I assured him Halloween was over with.  He told me it was a year ago.  He thought Christmas was this week.  I told him it was next month.  I did not have the heart to tell him this week is Thanksgiving...because he will not be celebrating with us.

My husband and I are staying home this year, to celebrate with his sons and his grandchildren, who live here.  We try to alternate years to celebrate.  We'll go to California for Christmas and come back to Nevada before New Years.

Mom said the nurses told her, they did have a haunted house for Halloween and watched scary movies.  She said Dad LOVED the haunted house and enjoyed going through it.  She never saw him watching any of the movies, however.  The nurses guaranteed they would replace any scary feelings with happy, joyous ones through the holidays...

I told Dad I would see him for Christmas, and he told me that made him so happy to think about.

Second Care Conference for Dad...

We had a powerful rain storm with major thunder today in Nevada. As I sat at my PC typing, I about jumped out of my chair, with those loud BOOMS of thunder! Typically, it pours and rages and then it is all over within an hour or so...I do miss those rainy California days, when it rained all day long...

I spent most of the day researching the MLS listings our California Realtor sent me. Up until 2 days ago, we did not know if my husband would still have a job by this December. We leave for vacation this weekend but still plan to check out some properties in California. Despite California's problems, we are starting to feel drawn to return...

Today was Dad's second Care Conference. Mom attended in person and I sat in over the speaker phone.

Dad is walking with a front wheeled walker or using a wheel chair. Its all about balance and safety now. He is compliant and co-operative with his rehab. I know it is difficult for him and wears him out.

He is enjoying his regular diet, being able to eat whatever and whenever he wants. He weighs 122 pounds now, so he has put on weight.

His bifocals have still not arrived. The glasses are made in the prisons now, and since they have closed down a couple, it is taking longer. The inmates will engrave Dad's name on the ear arms, so hopefully they will not be stolen, like he other ones. My sister discovered last night, his reading glasses are missing. No doubt the work of the lady thief who my sister caught trying to take Dad's shoes.

I shouldn't really call her a thief, in the true sense of the word, because she is ill, this disease makes personalities change... but still, that doesn't help Dad.

They read the litany of Dad's health issues, and then the endless list of his medications. They reviewed the results of previous blood tests and x-rays when both Dad's hands were swollen.

They told us not to worry about Dad remaining on the long term ward, as he is already there, and he is not trying to escape.

What a relief, because we really appreciate all the care they give. This facility only takes Medicare/Medi-Cal/private pay. One would think it is for the rich and famous the way they treat Dad. Several of his nurses and CNA's care for him as if he were their Father.

Thank you Lord for all your many Blessings...

Don't know what I did...

Not sure if I slept on my hand wrong two nights ago, or slept with my left hand in a fist...which for some reason, I have been doing a lot lately... My hand and fingers are so sore I can barely type, let along hold anything with the slightest weight. Kinda looks like my ring finger is bruised.

We had our Care Conference yesterday with Dad's facility. I attended via the phone. What a waste of time. Right out of the gate they wanted another advance directive with Dad. My second oldest brother asked them, "Aren't you putting the cart before the horse? Shouldn't we find out how our Father is and what his general health is?" They couldn't even tell us if he had lost or gained weight...

They were installing cable in the roof for the new TV's and the banging and sawing made it extremely difficult to hear anything being said. I asked some questions, but I was very disappointed.

I need to talk to my Dad today. I need to hear his voice. Daily I find out from Mom or my sister or from one of my brothers, but I have not spoken to him since Saturday.

I called around for a plan B for Dad yesterday before my hand was so dang sore I had to take wrap it in an Ace bandage, take a Motrin and take a nap so it wouldn't drive me crazy...

I feel restless and useless...I miss my Dad...