This blog was formerly dedicated in 2009 to my Dad who died of Alzheimer's in 2013. It's been three years now...and I find myself missing I am re-inventing my blog... because, after all, life is about moving through, and going forward...

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Soaking in all I can....

When I sat with Dad on the patio of the nursing home, I looked into his face and felt nothing but love. As I watched him walking laps around the patio, I held back warning him to slow down and to come and rest. He wants to walk and exercise.

He held up his arm and showed me the "wander guard" telling me it was for his safety. A few days before I had asked the nurse about getting him one and she was telling me Dad refused it telling her, "I'm too alert. I don't need one of those. I will just stay in my room. I know my patient rights." I knew how much Dad loves to be out of doors, so it would be just a matter of days when he would relent, and would decide to wear one. I was happy when he showed me. I told him most of the patients were in wheel chairs, but he was walking so well, they just wanted to keep him safe. He smiled back at me.

His smiles and the sound of his laughter are so very precious to me. I can't help remember those horrendous days at the Psych ward. It is so good to see him sitting across from me, on a beautiful, sunny day, with a gentle breeze dancing over our faces. Just watching him and listening to him talk...I drink him in. Gathering and remembering these bittersweet memories, storing them away in my mind.

Things he chose to talk about with me today, were tainted with paranoia. I know there will be days like this. I understand there will be times when we don't understand what he says. We can't change it. Confronting him and telling him what he thinks or feels isn't true, will not do him any good at all.

I love Dad so much. I will take him any way he presents himself. Despite me hating the disease that steals pieces of his brain every day, it is not his fault. He can't help it. I admire the way he tries to see beauty and positive things.

He wanted an In and Out burger, french fries and a strawberry shake. Mom and my sister in law went to get it for him. I have been trying to return to my husband in Nevada since Tuesday. I just keep following my gut as when I should leave. It's so difficult. I have to know he is in good hands and he will not be lonely.

As Dad and I sat there, I took a picture of him with my cell phone. It was too dark, he was too shaded. Just as I was about to take another in the sun, his dear friend from Church walked up to join us. I smiled as they hugged. Dad had told me yesterday he wanted to see his friend. I had called his friend last night and true to his word, he came to see Dad. Soon after, the ladies returned with Dad's In and Out feast. Dad offered to share with his friend, but he had just finished his lunch. Dad was relishing every bite and that was how I left him...Enjoying a good meal with a dear friend.

After we had lunch and my sister in law dropped us off, I learned Farah Fawcett and Michael Jackson had died. My heart goes out to their families. I went to Walmart to buy Dad more lounge pants.

I told Dad I was driving home tomorrow... But I think I will go Saturday morning.

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