This blog was formerly dedicated in 2009 to my Dad who died of Alzheimer's in 2013. It's been three years now...and I find myself missing I am re-inventing my blog... because, after all, life is about moving through, and going forward...

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Just when you think it can't get any worse...

Miraculously, I slept in today. I awoke at 8:30 am and shortly after waking, the phone rang. It was Dad's doctor. I have grown to greatly respect this compassionate, woman physician who has been treating and caring for our Father. She told me they had tried to give him a psych evaluation but Dad refused to answer any questions...AGAIN. He informed the doctor he knew his rights and he was not speaking to anyone but his doctor. Dad still will not acknowledge any doctor except his primary care doctor, whom Dad argued with constantly.

Dad's doctor told me his paranoia and hallucinations are not normal and it was not safe for him to go home. His state of mind would make it difficult to place him in a nursing home. She felt it best to transfer him to a psych unit for evaluation and to monitor him on some medication to help stabilize him with his paranoia and delusions.

The empire state building could have fallen on me and had less impact that her words! I started losing my voice and couldn't think. I was in shock and horrified to think of my sweet Father being strapped down and taken to a psych unit.

I can't even describe the day. One of my brothers had to rush to the nursing home in hopes of calming Dad down because Dad tried to escape and was yelling and raising hell! I was frantically packing and throwing clothes in the car determined to drive to California to be with our Father.

By the time I arrived, he had already been transferred and both of my brothers were with him. Unspeakable words were spoken by our Father to his sons. Words no child should ever hear or have to endure. All we can think of, is this walking-monster-nightmare he is in and he can't wake up!

When we discussed the days events, we all look at one another and know what everyone is thinking. We want to storm the place and bring Dad home! We want to cling to the remnants of his lucidness and prove to the doctors how wrong they all are. This just can't be happening. Some one PLEASE wake us up!!!!!

Tomorrow I have to seek some professional advise. Someone who knows what to say and to tell me how to say it. How does a child tell their parent they can't come home and they are so paranoid and delusional they can't function?? How do we do that??? It just breaks my heart.

Here I sit in my Father and Mother's home. Mom is here, but Dad is not. It feels totally weird. It does not feel like home without him.

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