I think I slept 15 hours yesterday...

I averaged 4-6 hours a night of sleep while in California, 9 hours on Saturday night and around 15 yesterday. My dreams jump from Dad to Michael Jackson. Such a tragic death of such a young man with so much more to accomplish. Leaving behind such a legacy, not to mention his three children, who are now Fatherless and basically Motherless. Thankfully, their Nanny is with them and no doubt they are clinging to her.

The contrast between the famous and the unknown...I'm relieved Dad is only famous to us. It would be so much more difficult having strangers pontificate and speculate on his life while we are all suffering through this horrible disease with Dad.

Mom and my sister visited Dad yesterday. Mom is still reluctant to read Caregiver tips on Alzheimer victims. I know it would help her. She needs to read and learn new tools in helping her cope as she navigates herself along side Dad.

I had my sister call me toward the end of their visit with Dad to allow me to talk with Dad. He was enjoying looking at the clouds and wanted to discuss the Lord. I can't help wonder and hope, that his Faith is still strong and he is getting comfort and strength instead of being fearful.

I want to put in a call to Dad's Psychiatrist. I want him to keep me in the loop about Dad's meds and what he anticipates with Dad. I don't want to be clueless as to increases in his dosages. We need to have an idea of what we can anticipate, to see if there is any way we can help Dad...

I need to check with his nurse as well. Mom said Dad has been putting his dirty clothes in the trash can. He also thinks he is in the wrong room, when his meals come with his room number on it, he tells her, "This is NOT what I ordered", therefore, he is in the wrong room. He took down the family picture we put up along with the calendar he HAD to have. Mom found them in his drawer.

Dealing with a loved one with Alzheimer's is like walking down a steep, twisting, gravel path mountain with hidden traps and pit falls. One must adopt the philosophy, "Hope for the best, but expect the worst". I know from experience, even hoping for the best can be devastating, even if I realize, the worst is more realistic.

Alzheimer's has a way of sucking one in, causing one to doubt one's own sanity. It is so easy to feel emotionally and physically drained. Because when you love someone with this disease it is so difficult to not take it personally. It is that precise reason it drains the life out of Caregivers.

I almost feel we have to look upon Dad as this new person who has this disease. We have to "start over" in learning how our new Dad will be. We have to attempt to be objective and observant. We have to fight allowing our emotions to sweep us away. Dad is slowing being consumed by this disease and that is a fact we instinctively do not want to think about, but is imperative that we do.