That's what I get for trying to write when I have "available time" but rushing when I am not "focused".
Very fragmented today. Lots of thoughts and emotions. Feel detached, abstract, preoccupied, frustrated, sad, angry, indecisive and "pushed into a corner". Spending time with my aging, slightly demented Father, causes me to propel into the future and wonder if I will be like him when I age?
I love my Dad. We have always been close, more close than even with my Mother. She has always told me, "You're just like your Father". He is and always has been quirky, neurotic, a little eccentric, obsessive, compulsive, very scientific and mathematical. He always has been more introverted and less social, but always loving, gentle and kind. He was always preoccupied in thought about gardening, gadgets and figuring out how they work, and he loves making something out of nothing. He has always made me feel like I was the most wonderful person and everything I did was just perfect.
He is a very proud man who prides himself with his integrity. To see him becoming less and less or his former self is so sad to witness, yet it must be a horrible waking nightmare to him.
I would not want to be forced into a nursing home, but I would not want to be a burden to my family either. I don't know too many elderly folks who have wanted to go into a nursing home...
Aging is just a conversation that SUCKS. It is certainly not for sissies, that is for certain!