June 19, 2009: There Seems To Be A Pattern Here...
Seems to be an alternating pattern of good days and bad days...At least that is what I was praying for after talking to our newest Angel again. Just her voice is enough to calm anyone down. I pretty much snapped yesterday... Had a total melt down, so who better to talk with but our Psychiatric Angel. Despite our emotional knee-jerk reaction to get Dad out of the "snake pit" ASAP, she explained how that would not be best for Dad.
Basically we had three choices: A. Talk with Dad's doctor and try to get an earlier release, B. Bring him home against medical advice, and C. Stay the course and wait for discharge on Monday.
We choose A. As soon as I could stop crying, I had to get to a point where I could focus with the migraine I had. I checked with the nursing home we selected to see if it was possible to get in earlier, and being the wonderful, compassionate people they are, the answer was YES, with the condition of having doctor's orders.
I had left a message with the nursing station in Dad's unit for the doctor to call me and also left messages at his office. The Social Worker promised me she would "do everything in her power" to get him transferred before Father's Day.
Today I spoke with Dad's nurse and explained I never got a chance to ask Dad's doctor to discharge him early, because he never called me back. I asked the nurse to call the Social Worker and have her call the doctor on call for his regular doctor who is off this weekend. I explained how we want to celebrate with Dad and his grand kids at the new place on Father's Day. We don't want to celebrate in that snake pit!! We can't bring the grand kids in there!
The nurse just called me and he called the Social Worker and she had called the doctor and has asked him and the answer is no. Discharge will be on Monday. He told me discharges rarely happen on weekends, something about most insurance offices are not available on weekends. I had the nurse leave the Social Worker a message to call me Monday morning so we can "be on the same page" in how to transition Dad to his new home.
I'm so disappointed. I guess we will have to celebrate Father's Day with him after he is moved, settled, and is having a good day.
June 20, 2009: Took A Day For Me...
Last night was so fun, despite being so tired. My youngest grandson graduated from pre-Kindergarten. He is so proud to go to school with his big brother. Hugging those boys and seeing their bright faces allowed me to take my first deep breath in several weeks. I wish I could have spent more time with them.
After checking with the nursing station this morning, and making sure Dad was OK; I double checked if the medical doctor has submitted his orders for Dad's compression stockings. Thankfully, he did.
There's nothing more I can do except make sure Dad is OK and to make sure he DOES get transferred to his new place on Monday. It makes me sick to my stomach that he has to be in that awful place for Father's Day. We can't even leave our Father's Day cards with him because they will disappear.
I took the rest of the day for myself. I met one of my dearest friends for a late breakfast at IHOP. She listened and I talked about Dad and what has been going on. We decided to not see a show and just "wing it" and spend the rest of the day just doing what we felt like doing. She asked me if I needed to do anything and I remembered I wanted a pouch for my new cell phone and get Dad some clothes.
I bought Dad some V-neck colored tee-shirts, he doesn't like the round necked ones. Got him a pair of shorts and some lounging pants. We went to the Thrift Store to get him some sweat pants and a cozy zipper jacket. No sense getting him anything too fancy for that place, but I am sick of seeing him in other patients clothes. I just finished washing and folding them.
It was a nice day, sunny, not too hot, nice breeze and just the perfect company. We've been friends for 23 years and we never had to do anything fancy, just be together and enjoy each others company. We were single moms together, so we've been through a lot together. She's another Angel in my life.
Came back to my eldest daughter's home. She and her family are on vacation, so her sister and I are giving Lila, their diabetic cat her medicine while they are away. The solitude is good for me. I am soaking in the silence. Just me and the cat.
This year will go down as the worst year for birthdays, holidays and special occasions. I hope and I pray, that when Dad gets transferred to his new place, he will be happy. It's the next best thing to home. He will have a calmer, easier life with a lot less stress. He'll get his medical needs met, have social gatherings, Christian fellowship, and we can visit more often... I hope it is better for him. I hope he does not refuse his meds and go back into the black hole...
Seems breakfast is the only meal I can hold down. Everything else goes right through me.
This was not the way I had planned on losing weight...
I feel like I am hanging over the edge of the Grand Canyon by a thread of hair. I can feel the tension in my neck and shoulders. I ache inside for Dad. I just want him out of there!