This blog was formerly dedicated in 2009 to my Dad who died of Alzheimer's in 2013. It's been three years now...and I find myself missing blogging...so I am re-inventing my blog... because, after all, life is about moving through, and going forward...

Monday, November 23, 2009

Dad asked Mom for a divorce...

I missed Dad's care conference call this morning.  My Orthopedic Surgeon was informing me I have a frozen shoulder, instead of a torn Rotator Cuff.  Glad to hear I don't have to have surgery... but, I still have to be put to sleep, so he can manipulate my arm and free it up.  I also have to have physical therapy for 6 weeks to make sure my shoulder does not freeze up again. Terrific!

Mom said the care meeting was very positive.  Dad weighs 141 pounds! So needless to say, the doctor is taking Dad off the appetite stimulator medication.  His hearing aid has been ordered, but it will take awhile.  They removed enough ear wax to wax several surf boards, but all in all, he is holding his own.  He dislikes wearing his compression stockings and yells at the aides when they try to put them on him.  We have decided we are not going to fight with Dad about it.  The nurse reassured Mom that they check him every two hours and if there is any swelling, they will elevate his legs immediately.

The nursing home called me and informed me of this decision, as they are suppose to.  I am to be the first one they call with anything out of the ordinary with Dad.  I asked the nurse if it would be possible to have them select a time and then call me so I could talk with Dad. I have such a difficult time connecting with him.  She was very kind and called me back so I could talk with Dad.

Dad sounded tired, but started the conversation by telling me he had sad news to share with me.  He then proceeded to inform me he had asked Mom for a divorce.  He said it was for the best, and she knows, but pretends not to.  He had to tell the truth, and he would give her ice cream.  He told me he was looking for an apartment and he was going to get a car so he could go to church.

I reminded him of what my youngest brother had told him.  Dad considers himself a Farmer, and loves the out of doors, so outside in Nature, is a great place to pray.  I told Dad, he can talk with God, any time, any place, any where, and his voice warmed up as he thanked me for telling him, saying he needed to remember that...

He hoped Mom would be OK, because he is no longer happy with the neighborhood.  I assured him, the brothers were checking in with her.  He told me he loved Mom very much and she was a brave gal.

As soon as we hung up, I called Mom.  She confirmed Dad had told her they were getting a divorce, "because God had told him to".  He had told Mom he was in love with someone else. Mom told him she was still coming to visit him.  Apparently, there is a little lady, who is quite taken with Dad, and thinks he is her "Papa" (husband) and she tells him repeatedly she loves him.  She asks him, if he loves her, and of course, he tells her he does.

I know he does not know what he is saying, but it was very strange to hear.  Dad was singing Christmas Carols, and again telling Mom, how very happy he was there.  He mentioned tonight being the "scariest night of the year" again, and I assured him Halloween was over with.  He told me it was a year ago.  He thought Christmas was this week.  I told him it was next month.  I did not have the heart to tell him this week is Thanksgiving...because he will not be celebrating with us.

My husband and I are staying home this year, to celebrate with his sons and his grandchildren, who live here.  We try to alternate years to celebrate.  We'll go to California for Christmas and come back to Nevada before New Years.

Mom said the nurses told her, they did have a haunted house for Halloween and watched scary movies.  She said Dad LOVED the haunted house and enjoyed going through it.  She never saw him watching any of the movies, however.  The nurses guaranteed they would replace any scary feelings with happy, joyous ones through the holidays...

I told Dad I would see him for Christmas, and he told me that made him so happy to think about.

7 comments:

Mari said...

It sounds like some positive things have happened along with the not so nice things like hearing your Dad talk about divorce. At least it appears they have figured out that they need to call you first. I'm glad you were able to talk to him.

WhiteStone said...

Bless you for loving your dad. So sorry you can't be there for Thanksgiving.

Frozen shoulder...I did the same several years ago but did not have to be put out. I could not move my arm across my front nor across my back nor even up to horizontal with the shoulder. The physical therapist worked with me several times (pain!) and with daily exercises at home the situation remedied nicely. I have full movement now, no pain, no problems. Well worth the pain of the therapy.

Donna B said...

Thank you White Stone, my faithful follower and blog friend. I wonder if I should try the physical therapy before they put me out? The doc said I would have to go to PT for 6 months. The being put out for the manipulation sounded like the fastest way to get healed...Now I am wondering if I should cancel the procedure???

Donna B said...

Bless you Mari, you and White Stone are my faithful blog friends, and I greatly appreciate your support more than you know. I was very pleasantly surprised to have them call me, especially since I did not get to attend the conference and let them know I want them to call me first! Mom told them for me...I really appreciated their assistance so I could talk with Dad.

Angus said...

It must be very trying for your poor mother, you and the rest of the family. Why is it that no one prepares you for the traumas and disruptions of a relative getting old? Having started off being upset we're slowly coming round to the view that 'confusion' is a gift - otherwise how frightening it would be for parents to see their capacities and decision making processes changing and blurring.

Donna B said...

Hi Angus...do you also have a family member with Alzheimer's/Dementia? I agree, it is way worse on the family with a loved one suffering with this disease. Dad, and my Mother in law before him, often are "in their own world" and unaware of what is truly happening to them. Dad goes in and out of reality, some times making very astute comments and observations. Thank you for your comments and concerns.

Donna said...

My heart aches for you and your family. I am thinking that this is a hard trial for your whole family. I have a friend that I just found out that has the horrible disease and it is hard to watch her change.

Just a comment on the frozen shoulder. My daughter had the same thing happen to her after a horrible car accident. My son did PT on her and after several months she was able to use her arm again. She couldn't even raise it to do her hair. It was a very painful process, but is the only way it will heal. Hope all goes well with your healing.