Look into my eyes....

My husband and I got to Dad's nursing home around 2:15pm.  We got a later start than we had planned. We slept in, reviewed houses our Realtor emailed us, and went out to breakfast.  I was a bit leery about how Dad would be the later the day progressed...

When we arrived, Dad was asleep.  I figured he would be after his lunch.  I asked the nurse how long he had been asleep, and he told me about an hour.  We went into his room, and I went beside his bed and began stroking his face.  His eyes fluttered open...When he saw me, he just lit up with excitement and love, "aaaaahhhhhh" noises. Made me feel like a million bucks!!

I raised the bed so he could see my husband, telling Dad, "Look who else is here...". When Dad saw my husband, he called out his name and held out his arms.  He just LOVES my husband!  Dad was animated and alert with conversation...

He told us he was ready to come to Las Vegas and do some serious gambling and have lots of fun.  We all laughed at his exurberance!  He barely ended that sentence and he was beginning his next about him having a very important job of guarding everyone.  Lots of patriotic, honoring the flag, and doing his duty talk....

Next, he began to discuss the movie he is making and he explained his process of how he picks out just the right star for each roll.  He told us how hornie he was and how he enjoys all the beautiful women.  He told us he had quite a long string of woman there at the home...he loves to flirt and they flirt back!

He complimented me on my blouse.  I always wear blue when I visit him, because blue, especially torquoise blue, is his favorite color.  As he looked up into my face, he held my gaze and then told me he was going to look into my eyes... So we had a stare down.  I got closer and closer to him, all the while keeping my gaze into his eyes.  Finally I was so close, I kissed him on the mouth.  Dad burst into a joyful exclaimation, "THAT'S WHAT I WAS HOPING FOR!!!"  We all laughed... He kept it up and so did I....it was our little game the rest of the visit...

I noticed my middle finger of my right hand, is crooked with arthritis, just like his, and brought it to his attention.  Dad asked Jerry if he had any crooked fingers, and my husband, held up his hands, showing Dad he had no crooked fingers.  Dad shouted, "YOU HAVE EXCELLENT FINGERS!" and then Dad  rolled with laughter.  Something tickeled his funny bone and he had us laughing just as hard.

Whenever there was a lull in our conversation, my husband would hold up his hands and show Dad his excellent fingers and Dad would again, break into a belly laugh!

Dad was so positive and happy.  He told us how Blessed he was and how well they treated him.  He thought of all of them as his family and loved them all very much... Especially, Doctor Doctor, his Angel and someone, who has a little squeaky voice on the night shift.  He really loves her too.

He asked if we could go somewhere to eat. Knowing his just finished lunch, and dinner would be in an hour, I told him it was too hot outside.  My husband asked if he would like a strawberry shake and of course, Dad was definitely up for that!  Dad said he would like to treat us, but he hadn't any money.
I told him he was so lucky not to have to mess with money and told him how much distain I had for it.

While my husband went for the strawberry shake, Dad explained how wealthy he was.  He told me of his plans to get a big truck like my youngest brother's.  We played the stare down to a kiss and he confessed he hypnotizes all the girls hoping they will kiss him like I do.  His skin is the smoothest I have even felt.  Dad has always had dry, leather type skin, as long as I can remember...  He was always scratching it because it was so dry.  Now, his skin is soft and smooth.  I really enjoy touching him, and he enjoys it too!  When I complimented him on his skin, he told me how wonderful it is when the girls come in to rub him all over with the lotion.  He closed his eyes and made "aaaaaahhhhhhhhhh" noises, just remembering it...

When my husband returned with the shake, Dad was like a little kid.  Dad told us there was nothing like ice cream on a hot day.  I removed the cherry from the top of the shake and held it up to him to eat like a King and he snapped it off the cherry stem, relishing its sweet taste with a smile...

He told us how he loves to compliment people and tell them positive things, because people need to hear those things when they have low self worth.  I told Dad he has always come from a place of love and I am sure he makes a big difference in their lives, as he has in mine.

I brought up some happy memories on things he has taught me and all of us.  I told him how appreciative I am for all the wonderful things he has shared with me and taught me.  He told me how much that meant to him.

After Dad finished his shake, we took him out on the patio.  It was absolutely gorgeous outside.  The breeze whispered through two huge trees on the patio.  We discussed how they should put a huge hammcok between the two trees.  There was an Easter Bunny mask lying on the table.  The staff had them hanging in the fruit trees to scare the birds.  Dad picked up the mask and put it on his face, laughing and giggling like a child.  I told him to keep it on so I could take a picture.  We all got a big kick out of it. Here's Dad with and without the  mask.... He was in the best of spirits...it was such a joyous visit!

Whenever Dad is outside, he talks of outer space and how he loves to go high into the stratesphere.  He explained what a perspective it can give.  He told us many people don't think to look out the windows of airplanes to really see and appreciate what they have.  He was full of philosophy and theories.  We sat back and enjoyed listening to his enthusiam.

I found myself thinking how wonderful it was that he could "be in his imagination" and entertain himself so well.  It made me love my Dad even more...

We talked of memories and special times.  I told him one of my very best moments was marrying my husband and Dad walking me down the isle.  I told him what a dream come true that had been.  He smiled a big warm smile telling me how important it had been to him too... We remembered our Father/Daughter dance to Bye Bye Blackbird...

I called my brother in Ohio, knowing there was three hour time difference, I hoped he was just about getting home... Unfortunately, he was still at work, but wanted to speak with Dad anyway.  I put the phone up to Dad's good ear, and bent over by his bad ear, so I could hear the two way conversation.  If my brother says something, that Dad does not hear, I can whisper into his good ear, guiding him to answer questions...

They enjoyed a great conversation.  It made me smile thinking of my brother on the other end of the line and hearing Dad in such great spirits.  I whispered to remind Dad my brother was still at work, and could not talk much longer...so Dad begin to tell him good bye...telling him he loved him so very much...and my brother, loving him back...

Dad is incontinent of both bowel and bladder.  This was one of his biggest challenges and most difficult hurdles.  I have always admired Dad being so fastidious in his personal hygiene and style of dress.  My Dad was always stylishly dressed and smelling so clean.  He still smells fresh and clean.  He really struggled with his incontinence and fought it viamently when he was first hospitalized.  The nurses were busy, but I did not want my Dad's high caliber of personal hygiene to be compromised anymore than it had to be...  I became like Shirley McClain in Terms of Endearment when her daughter, Debra Winger was in pain and needed an injection.  I made a GIANT issue of it and dogged the nurses until they knew it was easier to change him quickly than to suffer my persistence! I would give the nurses and aides, in the nursing home, an A+ in how they honor the patient's dignity and respect in this highly personal area.

For the most part, Dad has come to terms with the fact the nurses and aides must aid him with the most personally private daily functions.  I think that is one reason he feels so close to them...how could he not? Dad is begining to have humor about it.  He told us, "There is no mystery with my physique now... everyone has seen my nakedness.  That's just the way it is...."

He said how important it was to feel love from both ends...  and then he realized what he said...and began to chuckle...so we laughed with him.  I helped, in suggesting, "You mean from both sides?"  He knodded his head yes, and laughed, saying,"That sounded much better. " Then he burst out laughing again in a full belly laugh and we did too!

After awhile, he looked a bit sad...as if we might think less of him.  He looked at us and told us how difficult it was with such a private thing... and I agreed. Since he was in such good spirits, told him, "Dad, you don't live in your diapers, you live in your head".  Dad threw his head back and burst into the biggest belly laugh of the day...telling us how true that was and he had to remember that one...

Before he could return to feeling down, I held his gaze and told him he was "hypnotizing me again" and he smiled and returned my gaze.  He hugged me as I kissed him again...and again...and again...