This blog was formerly dedicated in 2009 to my Dad who died of Alzheimer's in 2013. It's been three years now...and I find myself missing blogging...so I am re-inventing my blog... because, after all, life is about moving through, and going forward...

Saturday, December 5, 2009

I wish I knew how to disconnect from wondering what Dad thinks about...

Mom had her second visit this week with Dad.  Both times he has been very sleepy and not very talkative.  He was excited about the Men's Ministry program he had attended this morning at the nursing home. He raved about the message, the music and seeing his friends. Mom told him about the Christmas program she had attended this morning with my sister, sister in law, niece, and other friends.  Dad had forgotten the name of their church. He asked her what month it was, and she told him, December.

She said he has seemed very weak and cannot stand on his own.  The attendant has to help him stand and to do anything that requires him to be out of his wheel chair.  Mom said he asked about the "Autistic Red Man" in a painting I had done and given Mom for her birthday.  It is entitled Winter Walk.  In the distance, it has a boy wearing a red jacket walking with his dog through snowy woods.  Dad loved looking at the painting.  He would see all kinds of figures in that painting, that were not purposely painted.

That week I stayed with Dad before he went into the hospital, we observed it together, and he showed me all the things he saw.  He really has a vivid imagination.  I could see some of what he was describing.  He would tell me I was a genius for painting subconsciously.. But then, Dad always thought anything I ever did, was extra ordinary...

Dad asked about my brothers and Mom told him what they were each up to, all of them extra busy during the holidays...Dad kept drifting in and out of sleep, so she told him she would let him rest.  He thanked her for coming and told her how happy he was with the excellent care he is receiving. That has to make Mom feel good...

I wish I knew how to disconnect from wondering what Dad thinks about, when he does weave in and out of reality.  When Mom told him it was the month of December, does it register with him, that it is his second the oldest son's birthday?  That Christmas is coming? I can't help but feel, those thoughts are fading away, more and more...

12 comments:

Mari said...

I think it's only natural to wonder what he's thinking. I loved hearing about your painting and I think it's great that he's still remembering it, in his own way.
I guess the best thing is that he seems to be content. That's worth a lot!

WhiteStone said...

In all your writings, your dad sounds like a very kind man.

And I really like your heart picture! I hope you hang it in your home where you can enjoy the happy color.

Donna B said...

Thanks again Mari. Dad is very kind and gentle. So true, it is natural to wonder, but it makes it more difficult to cope with. It is such a blessing that he is content.... There is no comparison now, to what he and all of us endured in the beginning, a short 6 months ago...

Donna B said...

Hi WhiteStone...it's too late,I need to be in bed... I mingled my response to you, with Mari...but yes, Dad is very kind and gentle. Thank you for the compliment on Hearts and Flowers. I do plan on hanging it in our bedroom, which is decorated in those colors.

Fran Hill said...

You're very lucky to have a dad who thought everything you did was extraordinary. Treasure that.

Donna B said...

Hi Fran, thanks, I know. I am very blessed to feel totally loved, treasured and valued as a daughter. I love my Dad so much and it is bittersweet thinking back on the good times...happy to have experienced them, but knowing, those days are now only in MY memory....

GutsyWriter said...

I'm not sure how old your dad is, but it makes me think of my own father who lives in Paris, and whom I only get to see once every 16 months or so. He turns 85 next May, and I shall visit him. Fortunately he still has all his mental abilities and claims that Suduko is what helps him. I can see how your dad wants to stay strong for his family. He seems like a caring man.
Please come by later and visit me as I am trying something new on my blog. Not sure if it will work yet.

Gramma Ann said...

I feel your pain. I wish I could remember my Dad, and had known him just a little bit. My Dad died when I was four years old, so all I know about him is what my mother, sisters and brothers shared about him with me. Of course there were the pictures we had of him, so I know that my one brother favors him in looks. So, all I can say is, treasure your memories and enjoy the time you still have left with him, no matter how long or short that is. No matter what, he will always be your Daddy.

Donna B said...

Hi Gutsy Writer, I know I answered a couple of your questions on your blog, but I also wanted to tell you, my Dad also did Suduko. We could tell he was going down hill when he would save them, but not do them. He had bags and bags of them.

Hi Gramma Ann, oh how sad losing your Dad at such a young age. That had to be so difficult now, looking back. Did you have a step Father? Are you close with your brother?

GutsyWriter said...

Donna,
My dad was born in France from English parents and lived in Africa 17 years, then moved back to Paris. So most of his life. The flip camera is from Costco. I paid $129 for it. You should get one too. They are so easy and FUN. I put a second version on my blog. Tell me if you think it's better or not. Thanks.
Sonia

JeannetteLS said...

Just treasuring the love that always shines as much as the sorrow or pain, when you write about your dad. I think of you often... and THANK YOU for your caring about me through all your own stuff.

Donna B said...

Gutsy Writer...I'll be right over...

JeannetteLS...so GOOD TO HEAR FROM YOU!!! Thank you,for all your kind words and support...I've missed you.