The hallucinations and paranoia are creeping back in...

Mom went to visit Dad today. She found Dad sitting by himself in the wheel chair in the visiting area by the double doors.  He was talking very seriously to himself. Mom sat down and he continued his non stop conversation...  Mom listened as he talked of purchasing the nursing home, as well as Disneyland.  All his sons ran the properties, and we are all are independently wealthy. Dad stated his second to the youngest son needed to be reprogrammed, but Mom did not question him. 

 

She felt like she couldn't contribute anything conversationally because Dad barely paused for a breath.  He kept his eyes closed almost the entire time.  Despite his eyes appearing vacant, by his conversation, there was plenty going on inside his brain.

 

Dad's favorite nurse, told Mom, Dad refused breakfast from anyone but her. He thinks the others may poison him, and he only trusts her.  He was smiling and reaching for her hand when Mom and the nurse were talking by his bed.

After Dad was tucked in for his nap, Mom asked the nurse if she was working New Years Day.  Dad has always loved to watch the Rose Parade, so Mom suggested she might invite Dad to watch on his TV.  I was born in Pasadena, and as a child we lived with our grandparents in their Craftsman style home a few blocks from the Parade.  Dad used to take us every year to enjoy the parade as a family. Personally, I have very fond memories when I watch the Rose Parade...

I feel like the hallucinations and paranoia are creeping back in to Dad's existence. We have been so Blessed to have him not return to the Psych ward for several months... I pray, he does not have to return...

It sure doesn't feel like Christmas to me...

My husband, my youngest daughter and I all went to visit Dad on Christmas.  We brought him ham, macaroni and cheese (from scratch), monkey bread and fudge, all made by the loving hands of my eldest daughter.  We also brought photos of my grandsons, and a print of Winter Walk, the painting Dad refers to as "red man".

Our visit was late in the day, almost his dinner time, and my gut told me it would not be the visit we hoped it would be...

Dad was sitting in the dining room, dressed warmly in jeans, sweater, and knit cap.  He seemed happy enough to see us, and told us we were "life savers", and then instructed us to get him out of there...

I wheeled him out on to the patio, with him telling us to take him to Jack n the Box.  I revealed the food we had for him, and when he complained about everything, I shuttered, knowing what we were in for.  He proceeded to tell us how horrible they treat him and how they lock him out of his room.

My youngest daughter is 30 and has not seen him since she talked him back from his coma, shortly after he was placed in the nursing home.  We called her the Grandpa Whisperer.  She was working two jobs up until a few months ago, and has been really looking forward to seeing him.  I had forewarned my daughter and husband that since it was late in the day, he may not be in good spirits, but when you love someone, as we all love Dad, we always tend to hope for the best...

We all tried to stay up beat, and both my daughter and husband forgot not to mention it was Christmas and wished him Merry Christmas.  As I was trying to feed him, he announced to us all, "It sure doesn't feel like Christmas to me"...

He was cold on the patio, so we went back inside.  We hung his painting, cards and pictures up on his wall of love, and through brief smiles, he apologised, telling us he was tired.  With the help of the attendant, we got him transferred from his wheel chair to his bed.  As I tucked him in, helping him to get cozy, I noted he was out of breath.  Just getting into bed is exhausting for him.

He began to keep his eyes shut, telling us he was so tired, and apologised again for falling asleep in our faces, but we assured him, naps were good and he should not worry.  His CNA came in with his dinner, which he refused.  He had only taken a few bites of the food we brought him, so it concerns me, since the doctor took him off his appetite enhancer medication.

As we walked outside his room, my daughter broke down and was visably upset, promising both my husband and myself, she would NEVER allow us to be in a nursing home.  It is sad, but unrealistic, to think of trying to care for elderly parents, especially, in Dad's condition...

I guess I had hoped that because Dad did so well at Thanksgiving, he would be OK for Christmas, too...but I found myself regreting our visit.  I did not want this negative visit as my last memory with Dad. I must remind myself, again, we have to take the bad days with the good...

Closed for Christmas holidays...

Shock of shocks, I am actually going to leave my laptop home for a change, and just "be" with the family.  Looking forward to nice long conversations, lots of laughter, catching up with all my loved one's lives, and just sitting and enjoying everyone.

I can't wait to hold my grandsons in my arms and hear them talk all at once telling us what Santa brought them.  We'll play board games, video games and no doubt watch a couple DVDs.  Watching their expressions of excitement and getting deliriously intoxicated with love and fullfillment...something, only they can do...

Just being able to sit and gaze into my two daughter's faces, listening, watching, enjoying, loving.  I just can't wait!  For me, just being around family is better than just about anything...

We leave tomorrow...so see everyone when we get back...Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to everyone...

I can't think of a better gift for Christmas...

My sister and Mom went to visit Dad today.  They found him sitting in his wheel chair in the hallway.  They took him to an area where they could all sit down to talk.  My sister brought him some Christmas cards and a set of dominoes.  Dad told her he remembered how to play.

Last May, all of us, except our brother's family in Ohio, attended my sister's son's wedding. My second to oldest brother's wife, took a picture of Mom, Dad, three of my 4 brothers, my sister and I.  It turned out so great, we wanted to "Photoshop" our missing brother in Ohio, in the photo. When my sister showed Dad the family picture, he named every person in the photo. It is a bittersweet photo, because it turned out to be the last family outing Dad attended.  He went into the hospital a few weeks later.

Mom and my sister discovered Dad is missing his glasses again.  Mom reported it to the nursing station and they will make out a report and send out a search party for the missing specs...

Dad's Physical Therapist came by to see him, and told Mom and my sister she and Dad were on the patio the other day and were admiring all the pretty yellow fall leaves.  She told them how she tossed some of the leaves into the air, allowing them to cascade down upon her.  Dad flung a handful into the air and enjoyed sharing the experience with her.  Afterward, she and Dad made leaf tracings, which Dad thought was really cool.

Lunch was served, so they all moved inside so Dad could eat.  Mom fed him some beef soup, which filled him up since he is not on the appetite enhancers.  He had no appetite for the burrito, beans, salad, jello, ice cream, coffee and milk.

When Dad was tucked in all cozy in his bed, his aide asked Dad to sing Ava Maria. In full voice, Dad began to sing the first verse of the hymn.  When he got to the second verse, he began making up the words telling the aide how much he loved her and thanking her for taking such good care of him.  Everyone in the room got a big chuckle from that!

Several of the aides call Dad, Papa.  There is another elderly woman patient, that also calls Dad Papa and thinks he is her Father.  She gets very emotional with Dad and he is very sweet with her. Dad told Mom and my sister he was well cared for and was very happy.  He told them about another patient, (who paces the halls, ever clad in shorts and socks), who is in training with Dad for a marathon. I get the most joy from Dad's positive, upbeat, imagination.

Knowing Dad is doing so well, that his attitude is good, that he is safe and being cared for in such a loving way... just does not get any better.  How Blessed are we?  I can't think of a better gift for Christmas...

FINALLY FINISHED (Break of Day)

I finally finished the elk picture for my son in law's Christmas present.  Decided to call it Break of Day...

Looking at it on the blog, I don't like the blue in the trees, they look too turquoise... so I may have to tweak it a bit...

My art teacher told, "Not to touch it". But, she also told us, "If you find yourself looking at something and bugging you, then you have to change it."


I had given him Something in the Wind, which was the Big Horn Ram I did, so this will make a good pairing.
              
This is a pic of the other one I gave him... so you don't have to look back under my labels...

This was the first colored pencil drawing I did.

I learned so much for our instructor.  She is such a talented Artist.

First thing tomorrow, I am off to the printer... after I fix the trees...

Am so relieved to get it finished.  I just hate to have commitments hanging over my head. This one is two months past due...

Merry Christmas to all my blogging friends...

MyNiceSpace.com

The nursing home called this morning.  Dad's leg is swollen again.  His doctor put him on a weeks worth of Lasix.  Dad refuses to wear his compression stockings, so this is what happens...

I had a copy made of Winter Walk for Dad, so I am looking forward to presenting it to him when I see him this week.

I am busy working on my son in law's Elk Christmas gift, finishing my shopping, and wrapping everything, so have not had much time for blogging... I will post the final results once I finish...

May everyone out there have a wonderful holiday with their families, staying well and healthy.  May you get everything done, so you may relax and collect yourself prior to Christmas Eve.  May all your wishes come true and may you laugh and enjoy....

Another birthday party for Dad...

I called Dad this morning, and he was playing Bingo.  The nurse asked me to call back between 1pm and 1:30pm.  When I called back, they told me Mom had just left...

When Dad came on the line, he told me Mom had been to visit.  He told me they sat out on the patio and talked for about 20 minutes.  I asked if they had a nice visit and he said they did.

I asked Dad if he remembered singing Bye Bye Blackbird to me, and he said, "I sure do" and then broke into song...I joined in and we sang the song together.  He told me what a nice song it was, and he would start singing it to himself when he goes to sleep.

I asked how the Bingo game went, but he wanted to tell me they were having a birthday party for him today...I told him I was so happy for him. The nursing home is having a Christmas party today for all the residents and staff...but if Dad wants to think it is his birthday party, that is fine with me...

He was rambling about green houses on a 45 degree angle and wanting to buy a grocery market, when all of a sudden, I heard him say, "Hello, may I help you?"  (Apparently someone walked into the room.) Dad told me he had to get off the phone because someone wanted to use the room...I told him I loved him and he told me he loved me too, and he hung up...

Mom called, shortly after I hung up with Dad, and told me about the Christmas Party.  She said Dad kept talking to her about waiting for a package from me with the little red man in it...he really is preoccupied with that painting I did. (He'll have a print of it by next week). Mom laughed and told me when she and Dad had been talking on the patio, Dad told her he can't understand what she says to him, and she can't understand what he says to her.  She told me she agreed with him and they both shared a laugh.

I had more I wanted to discuss with Dad.  I had some childhood memories I wanted to share with him and see if he remembered.  I had been thinking of when we lived in Bremerton, Washington and rode the Ferries.  I have vivid memories of he and  I on the top deck.  He was carrying me on his shoulders and I recall feeling a little frightened, because I was so high.  Dad took a step downward, and I screamed thinking we were jumping off the boat.  He reassured me in his soothing voice. hugging me close, he would protect me and not let anything bad happen....

A rose for "Pops"...

My youngest brother went to see "Pops" today, bringing him a rose from his garden.

He said Dad must have smelled it at least twenty times.

Dad told him, his visit was a life saver....

Dad's mouth looked dry and he seemed very thirsty, so my brother gave him some water, which he drained from the cup. Dad's delicious lunch of beef stew, cucumbers, tapioca pudding, cornbread, ice cream, milk, coffee and more water, arrived about five minutes later. Dad's meals are always a high light of his day...

They chatted about my brother's job.  Dad told him he needed to keep up with technology and my brother agreed.  Dad told him about a Christmas card he had for my brother and the top 10 things my brother was grateful for. My brother read Dad his top 10 list... Unfortunately, I was unable to reach my brother to ask about the card and what my brother's top 10 list included...

When my brother told Dad, it was time for him to go, Dad asked, "Can I come with you?"  It was difficult for my brother to talk, hearing Dad's request.  Gracefully, lovingly, he told Dad he would see him next time and gave him love and hugs. Dad returned the love and thanked him again for the visit...

Work in progress....

Back in May, I was working on this elk, in my colored pencil art class.  I plan on giving it to my son in law who lives in California...

With everything going on with Dad, at the time, I had to put it on hold.  My son in law's birthday was in October, so obviously, I missed that deadline!

Now, my goal is to have it finished before Christmas...

I worked on it in art class today for three hours.  It is so time consuming to put down all those layers of color, but it is coming along...

If I work on it at home, every day, I may finish it in time.  I am really anxious to give it to him.

So stay tuned for the progress...

Let the sun warm all the parts that are cold...

Mom went to visit Dad after she got off work. She had to park down the street and walk to the nursing home because the parking lot was so full.  Dad was sitting on front of a window by the back door, soaking in the sun's warmth. Dad has been so grateful Mom was not getting remarried, so he very happy to see her. They chatted briefly, then she suggested they go to the lounge area, where my sister had taken Dad to visit.  Mom was able to sit and listen while Dad talked...

When his lunch arrived, they moved inside so Dad could enjoy his lunch.  Afterward, Dad asked the attendant to take him to the restroom, so he could brush his teeth.  Mom patiently waited, and when Dad returned, she could tell he had shaven Dad as well.

Dad seemed exhausted, closing his eyes and seemed a little short of breath.  Mom made sure he was alright, then bid him farewell.  Dad was in deed tired, as he did not even say good bye, so Mom knew he was wiped out...

I too love the warmth of the sun, particularly when it is cold outside.  It feels so good to lie in a patch of sun and feel the heat through the window.  Now I can sit in front of a sunny window, close my eyes, and pretend I am sitting next to my Dad sharing the warmth of the sun...

Dad is still curious about the "red man"...

My sister spent over an hour in  HORRIBLE traffic, to go visit Dad. She arrived to find him in the TV room listening to a sermon. She waited in the hall, as not to disturb him.  When it was over, she took Dad to the front lounge area.

Dad chatted away, and my sister listened. It seemed every few minutes, he would yawn, while talking about his dreams. He mentioned enjoying the little children several times. Ever on his mind lately, he told my sister he was curious about Mom's "red man".  At first, she was not sure what Dad meant...until she realized Dad was talking about the red jacketed boy, walking his dog, in my Winter Walk painting...

 
At lunch time, she wheeled him back to the lunch room and they waited a bit for his food to arrive. He looked my sister and asked her if they could go out for a bite to eat. My sister told him she had to pick up her daughter from the airport, and the nursing home had already prepared his food.  Dad always gets impatient waiting for his food.  He invited her to stay and eat with him. Just then, his tasty looking lunch was served and Dad's attention was focused on his food.

Dad was woofing down his lunch, while a  pleasant looking older man, observed him briefly, and then dug into his lunch too.  A toothless woman with a Prior Tuck type bald spot on top of her head and long strings of gray hair hanging down her neck, was noisily sucking and slurping her pudding. My sister decided she was not that hungry...

She kissed him and gave him a big hug good bye, and was grateful he seemed so happy and content, but was sad at the thought of how drastically his life has changed...

Too Blessed to be stressed...

I talked with Dad today.  It was so good to hear his voice warm up when he heard mine.  Having him tell me it was so good to hear my voice, just filled me up with joy in an instant!  All the depression I had the past few days, dissolved in an instant.

He had just finished his Rehab but was concerned that he could not manipulate his wheelchair around the other side of his bed so he could read his Bible.  I talked with his nurse and had them widen the area, and move his bed, so he had room to wheel in to his bed stand.

I could tell by his voice that he was tired, but was happy to just listen to the sound of his voice...never mind the fact nothing he said made sense, it was just good to be with him in that moment.  He changed the topic of conversation like a bunch of children on a playground, scattering in so many directions...

He was telling me how well he was cared for and how grateful he was that Mom was OK financially.  I told him he was too Blessed to be stressed, and he REALLY liked that, repeating it several times.

I asked if he would like me to make a copy of the painting he likes, Winter Walk, with the little boy wearing the red jacket walking his dog.  He told me he would really love that and again, told me how much he loved that painting. I told him I would bring it to him the next time I saw him.

I want to get him to sing Bye Bye Blackbird with me the next time I call.  It would be special for both of us.
He kept saying, it was time to go under the overpass, and he meant, he was tired and it was time to take a nap.  I asked if he was tired, and he said he was, and would I mind if he laid down for awhile.  I told him sweet dreams and he told me the same...

Sweet Dreams Dad, until we talk again....

Dad thinks Mom is marrying my brother's friend...

Mom had a bad visit with Dad today.  He was complaining about having stomach problems the night before and  said my brother's friend worked there at night. Dad got angry and asked my Mom why she was marrying the boys friend after 63 years of marriage to Dad.  Mom was stunned, telling Dad he was the only man she was married to, and the friend had been married 20 years to his wife. Dad could not remember who the friend's wife was.  She said it took him a while, but finally seemed relieved.

Dad told Mom he feels very isolated because "no one comes to see him".  Mom was offended because he appeared to not include Mom on the visitors list.  One minute he was telling her how great they treat him and the next he was angry because the nursing home won't let him lay on the grass, or have a van come pick him up for work...

He told Mom he can't stand alone and needs to exercise and start running. He wanted to know when he could come home, and what had happened to his room.  Dad was wearing black tennis shoes, and told Mom that all the doctors on the night shift, wear them.

Hallucinating, Dad said he had sat on a bench in West Covina and two of his former doctors, dropped by and sat with him. Mom asked if it was his former primary care doctor, and Dad corrected her, telling her they were Cardiologists.

He was very concerned with how Mom was doing financially, and she assured him she was fine.

Again, changing the subject, Dad informed Mom he was now working for President Obama and that the gal from Alaska will be in office next year...

Mom had called me, telling me Dad wanted to talk to me.  When I ask him enthusiastically how he was, he told me he was "OK, now..."  He repeated not feeling well last night and about Mom clearing up she was not marrying my brother's friend.

We chatted, he told me he wanted to come to my house for Christmas, and I agreed that would be wonderful.  He asked how myself and my husband were, and I assured him we were fine and reminded him about Izzy. Dad had such a good laugh when I had showed him her picture on his birthday.  He laughed again when I mentioned her.  I told him how cold it is here and how she would stick her nose out the back door and turn around, away from the door.  He laughed.  I told him how I bought her a red parka, and how much she loves wearing it.  I told him she wears it outside when it is cold or raining, "to do her business".  He laughed hard at that, really getting a kick out of it.  It felt good to laugh together...

He began telling me about his doctor and how he refuses to allow him to treat him.  I asked him why, and he told me because he was too aggressive.  I agreed and told him that was no fun.  He told me they take care of him there at the nursing home, most of the time.  I told him the nurses were his angels and they really cared about him.  He agreed they were very nice.  I was just ready to ask him how his lunch was, when Mom came on the line.  Apparently, Dad was done talking and just handed the phone back to Mom.

I could hear the frustration and annoyance in Mom's voice.  I know how difficult it is for her to visit him alone. I know she prefers to have someone go with her. I know how hard it is for her.  It is difficult for all of us...

I have a mixed up myriad of emotions...I feel anger, sadness, depression, hopelessness, loneliness, and borderline rage...rage that seethes beneath the service of my soul.  Why is this happening? Why does Dad have to go through this when he is such a kind and gentle person?  Nothing makes sense anymore...

Mush my little sled dog...

Early morning

 drizzle

 cloud cloaked mountains

biting

 freeze

 upon my face

smiling at this precious pup

prancing and sniffing the brisk air

so cute in her pink sweater

as she lunges

and leaps

with her best sled dog pull.

All is still and quiet

neighbors still warm in their beds

 drinking hot tea or coffee...

wish I had some now...

but we must

do our best

to lighten her energy load

so she will sleep

in her crate

so I can keep doctor appointments

and Christmas shop...

Oh how good

hot chocolate would taste

right now

to warm my numb hands

forgetting my gloves

walk faster

walk faster

past all the Christmas decorations

under the glow of the street lights

up one hill

and down another

 still prancing

and I am finally warming up...

MUSH, my little sled dog

time to go home...

I wish I knew how to disconnect from wondering what Dad thinks about...

Mom had her second visit this week with Dad.  Both times he has been very sleepy and not very talkative.  He was excited about the Men's Ministry program he had attended this morning at the nursing home. He raved about the message, the music and seeing his friends. Mom told him about the Christmas program she had attended this morning with my sister, sister in law, niece, and other friends.  Dad had forgotten the name of their church. He asked her what month it was, and she told him, December.

She said he has seemed very weak and cannot stand on his own.  The attendant has to help him stand and to do anything that requires him to be out of his wheel chair.  Mom said he asked about the "Autistic Red Man" in a painting I had done and given Mom for her birthday.  It is entitled Winter Walk.  In the distance, it has a boy wearing a red jacket walking with his dog through snowy woods.  Dad loved looking at the painting.  He would see all kinds of figures in that painting, that were not purposely painted.

That week I stayed with Dad before he went into the hospital, we observed it together, and he showed me all the things he saw.  He really has a vivid imagination.  I could see some of what he was describing.  He would tell me I was a genius for painting subconsciously.. But then, Dad always thought anything I ever did, was extra ordinary...

Dad asked about my brothers and Mom told him what they were each up to, all of them extra busy during the holidays...Dad kept drifting in and out of sleep, so she told him she would let him rest.  He thanked her for coming and told her how happy he was with the excellent care he is receiving. That has to make Mom feel good...

I wish I knew how to disconnect from wondering what Dad thinks about, when he does weave in and out of reality.  When Mom told him it was the month of December, does it register with him, that it is his second the oldest son's birthday?  That Christmas is coming? I can't help but feel, those thoughts are fading away, more and more...

A chilly day of productivity...

This morning, while researching and googling the Dog Whisperer, my husband called, asking me to bring some important materials, down to his office, for a meeting.  I put my research on hold, loaded up Izzy in the car, and off we went...

After leaving my husband's work, I drove over to the Honda dealership to have my battery checked.  Lately, my car has been slow to start.  Sure enough, it tested low and they replaced for me.  Got the car washed too.

My sister told me I best get busy and finish Hearts and Flowers, because she was sick and tired of me talking about it...I'm embarrassed to say, it has been two months since my sister last visited, when I started the project!  Izzy was all over the place investigating my garage studio.  She found something green and proceeded to chew it.  I got it away from her, but still have no idea what it was...

This is not a very good picture of Hearts and Flowers... hopefully, you can see it.  I cut out various hearts and  flower pics out of magazines, and then Hodge-Podged the pics to a 12 X 12 canvas, that I had painted.

Originally, I planned on pasting pics all around the sides, but decided to just leave it, as I liked the texture I put on the canvas.

The thin magazine paper is a pain to work with, I like the heavier scrapping
paper better...

I had seen an article on Bristlecone Pine Trees in the newspaper today. They live an average of 1000 years and grow in Nevada , Utah and California. They can be found near the tree line between 10,000 and 11,000 feet above sea level. The article stated these trees are slow growers, but were thriving in the higher temps.

The picture in the paper had a gnarly looking tree, that appeared to be split open.  Possibly it was from lightening or from a larger branch of the tree breaking off from strong winds. I liked the colors inside the tree from the split, and was motivated to paint it with watercolor.

I am in the "wait and see" mode.  I sit it in my studio and then move the painting around, looking at it from various angles, to determine if I am done, or need to mess with it some more...

I saw a picture of a woman exploring some caves in Utah, and the picture caught my eye and gave me an interesting idea to paint.  I plan on doing it tomorrow, and then I will post it, and you will see what I mean...

I brought Izzy's toys into the studio and made her a little bed.  She finally got the idea she was suppose to cooperate, like she does when I am typing on my computer...

She would come over beside me and look up, as if to say, "Can we go for a walk when you're done, Mom?"

It was almost 4pm when I finished, which gave us about an hour before dusk...I don't like walking in the dark, due to recent Coyote sightings around the neighborhood...

It was FREEZING!  I needed a jacket, but did not want to go back in the house. I figured we would just walk quicker to warm up.

One of my neighbors drove by and offered us a ride home, telling me I was "nuts" to be out walking without warmer clothing.  I declined the ride, but we wasted no time in finishing our walk.  When I stepped inside our house, which is 67 degrees, it felt like it was summer. Oh man, it felt so deliciously warm and toasty inside!  My nose felt frozen, and I could barely move my fingers, to unwrap Izzy's leash from around my wrist. Burrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!

Izzy has a pink and grey sweater to wear on nippy days such as these... but she turns around and tries to tear it off... She'll consent to wearing it if we are going out of doors, guess it is too warm inside, and her patience wears out by the time I get myself together...

She  is not ignoring me in this picture, she was keeping an eye on my husband...

They are getting along better, she even jumped upon the bed, with him laying it in and stayed there!  That is progress!!

I have my husband asleep on the couch to my left, and Izzy asleep to my right...

I can feel my eyelids growing heavy and tomorrow is another day for productivity... and putting up some Christmas lights...

Does anybody have the phone number for the Dog Whisperer....

Now I know Izzy looks very sweet, and she is.  But she has a "wild hair" that can sure give me a run for my money!  This is one of her moments when she thinks she is a cat, perched on the arm of the couch.

She ate the ear off my Minnie Mouse Jibbitz I had on my black Crocs. She chewed up the electric eraser box from my colored pencil bag. She steals slippers, socks and shoes. I know she gets "chewy" when she is hyper and needs a walk.

When I try to walk her (Dog Whisperer style, and be the calm and assertive pack leader) she thinks she is the lead sled dog in the Iditerod.

I have terrible calf cramps from walking so fast to keep up with her. She does not walk, she prances. The dog whisperer suggests letting her pull me on roller blades...(like THAT is going to happen!!!) or giving her a backpack to carry, giving her a job, to slow her down or help her work off her energy.  I have already amassed a small fortune on what we have spent on her.  Let alone buying a $40 dog back pack!!

I try to allow her extra lead, on the leash to "burn off her energy", the first lap around the block. I know the DW says that "sends the wrong energy" when approaching other dogs. I am benefiting from her fast pace, (weight wise) but I am sore all over in the process! She zig zags in front of me and has almost tripped me several times, not to mention, me accidentally stepping on her foot.  She growls and barks at mild mannered, obedient, friendly, bigger dogs and then their owners are giving me that look that says, Why don't you take her in for training? 


In watching the Dog Whisperer program, he promotes using a choke type collar to correct behavior, and I see and appreciate the results.  My main reservation, is the Vet told me dogs like Izzy should wear halters, as the choke type collars can collapse her trachea.  Correcting her behavior, while wearing the halter, does not have the same effect.

This morning, on our walk,  a woman approached us with two Springer Spaniels, seeing me, she told me her dogs were friendly.  Then, Izzy leaps and lunges at them growling and barking...

She diverts her dogs from our path and in disgust, spits at me, "OH NO! Your dog is mean!  Why do people get little dogs, they are always mean!!"  In Izzy's defense, (although the lady did not deserve an explanation after her close minded generalization) but I tell her anyway, that I just rescued her and she is still getting used to the neighborhood and other dogs.  She yells back over her shoulder, "Yeah, well my dogs are rescued too!"

Izzy likes Poodles, Lapsos, other Terriers, Shitzus, but Spaniels, Hounds and bigger dogs, she gets very aggressive, and it is beginning to be a problem. I want to socialize her, but I don't want to start a riot or dog fight either! I am very reluctant to take her to the dog park.

PetSmart charges $100 for 8 weeks, and the City is suppose to have some training classes, but so many dog owners promote the DW or more disciplined methods, that rewarding with treats, like PetSmart does. Anybody have any advice or suggestions, besides contacting Cesar Milan?