This blog was formerly dedicated in 2009 to my Dad who died of Alzheimer's in 2013. It's been three years now...and I find myself missing blogging...so I am re-inventing my blog... because, after all, life is about moving through, and going forward...

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Living on Memories for Father's Day...

Mom is still in Ohio.  My sister went to visit Dad today.  I think a couple of my brothers went too, but they did not email or call about it.  I had asked my sister to please call me if she went to see Dad because I have not been able to reach him for the past week.

Dad's male caretaker had told me he would call me after Dad had his shower, but no one ever called.  When I called after lunch, Dad was having treatments on his rashes and wound care.  I called back again and he was asleep...

My sister found him snoozing in his wheel chair in the rec room.  She took him outside to the patio to visit.  She brought him a chocolate shake to enjoy...

I could hear her telling Dad to just speak into the phone because she had it on speaker.  She directed him to say hi to me.  Dad began by telling me he felt fine and was happy. I told him I was so glad and told him I loved him and missed him.  He began having a conversation with random memories of the distant past...talking about how I loved going out on the boats and being on the water...

Since I get sea sick and would not characterize me loving being out in boats, I knew he was talking about his sisters, as he used to take them out to sail all the time when they were kids...

I attempted to bring him back by reminding him how much he must be enjoying some time with Holl Doll...

I could hear my sister suggesting to Dad to tell me what she brought him...I heard her say chocolate shake, but Dad obviously could not hear her correctly because he was saying several things which were not even close, except chocolate cake.  He did not make much sense at all... I finally suggested he enjoy his chocolate shake before it melted.

Dad coughed and sounded really congested.  I ask my sister who was listening as Dad spoke into the speaker of her cell phone if Dad had a cough and she told me he did.  I asked Dad if he had a summer cold and Dad's response was, "I have a cough, but I feel fine..."  Dad always put his best foot forward...

He went on talking non stop but nothing I could relate to, although I wanted to...I wanted to make sense of it and relate it to he and I, but sadly, there was nothing... I don't even recall him telling me he loved me...yet, I know the Father I know and love, does...

My sister wrote later of their visit and said Dad thought she was me... Unfortunately, this seems to happen so often for my sweet sister and she always handles it so graciously and lovingly... and I know she knows Dad loves her...but still, it has to make her sad...

Often lately, I find myself being ever so creative when I talk with Dad...wanting to relate...wanting to understand...but it seems more and more, I am creating and imagining to keep the connection going between Dad and I....living on memories...

We all know Dad is really slowing down.  My sister said Dad dozed in his wheel chair most of their visit.  She gave him a 15 minute shoulder massage, which probably added to his sleepiness... She said his eye looked terrible and he seemed out of it...

I asked if she looked at his toe and she didn't.  She could see his toe was wrapped beneath his bed socks...

My oldest daughter turns 35 and her son, my oldest grand son turns 10 towards the end of this month.  Mom's birthday is around the same time, so I am planning another trip to California to see all of them, and to visit Dad.  I have a strong sense I need to spend some time with him because I am starting to feel he may not have much time left...

The doctor is suppose to be doing another Cryotherapy on Dad's left pinky toe...and I am surprised I have not heard anything.  I plan on emailing Dad's doctor and letting him know I will be in town, so maybe he and I can meet.

I don't mean to be negative, just realistic.  This disease steals so much from us and despite how hard we try, it begins to creep inside our hearts and toughen it for the reality to come...


3 comments:

That corgi :) said...

((((Donna))) It will be a hard time but I know God will be there right alongside you through it all. Hubby realistically knew it was time with his parents, that didn't mean he didn't miss them and grieve, but he rested on the fact he had them for such a long part of his life and that they were weary and at 85/88 it was just time, as sad as it was, as sad as it will be for you all.......

betty

Linda O'Connell said...

My heart goes out to you. Hugs.

Mari said...

I don't think you're being negative. I think it's good that you are being realistic and looking at the changes that are happening. I like the way you spend the time you can with him - you won't have regrets later.
Your Dad is such a special guy. He is always so positive even when he's not feeling the best. Glad you were finally able to talk to him, even though it wasn't the easiest conversation.