What next....

I received a phone call from the nursing home.  Dad has been diagnosed with Scabies.  He was given the first treatment June 28th and will get the second one July 9th.

Dad is covered with rashes.  I noticed it when I last visited him on the 23rd.  I spoke with the head nurse today and asked her to talk with Dad's caretaker for the day and find out the percentage of Dad's body covered with rashes and the location of those rashes.  She is suppose to call me back today.

I am concerned because Dad's cancer on his left pinky toe is infected and antibiotics are not working....hence the Cryotherapy treatments.  I am concerned the infection could be spreading within his body...

Yesterday, Mom had a meeting with the Neptune Society and made the arrangements for Dad.  We needed to make his final arrangements so when the time comes, Mom can call Neptune and they will get Dad and take care of everything.... Otherwise, the nursing home would contact some mortuary and we would be forced to deal with them.

Mom plans on making her arrangements also so we do not have to deal with it.  I could hear the relief in Mom's voice.  She also attended a seminar and heard a hospice nurse, Barbara Karnes, whose presentation was on the same subject of her most recent book, Gone From My Sight, the Dying Experience.

Mom got so much comfort and reassurance from her talk, she ordered her book.  Interested, I googled Karnes and watched her video.  I found it very positive and uplifting and confirmed many of the thoughts and feelings I have had.

The video is an hour and a half, but very worthwhile.  I wanted to share it with you...

A Two Week Reprieve....

I was suppose to leave last Friday for California...just as I entered the I-15 South, I heard the tale end of a news report to stay away from state line ....  I called my husband and asked him to turn on the news and let me know what happened.  He called me right back and informed me a tanker carrying some kind of toxic Chloride and the freeway was closed southbound and one lane northbound with a two mile back up of traffic... He told me they needed to call Hazmat and they had not arrived yet...

Luckily, I was able to turn around at Jean and drove back home.  My stomach had been upset for two days in anticipation of what would happen with Dad.  I was happy to receive an email from the Doctor telling me he would wait another two weeks and then possibly do another Cryotherapy treatment.  I needed this news as I was really dreading visiting Dad...

I left early Saturday morning and arrived at Mom's house around 10am.  We both went to visit Dad.  We found him in the dining room waiting for his lunch.  He greeted us both by name, but then closed his eyes and barely spoke to us.  If he spoke, his voice was so soft, I could not hear what he was saying...

His eye looks absolutely horrible.  He has a cruddy cough and is on cough medicines, antibiotics, Allegra, and assorted creams for his rashes.  I fed him his lunch of barbecued chicken, corn, baked beans, whole wheat bread and butter, milk, coffee, peaches and vanilla ice cream.  He normally makes enjoyment sounds when he eats, but if he did, I sure did not hear him...when I spooned the ice cream, it was half melted.  Dad softly mumbled, "It is broken..."  which no doubt meant melted.

The entire time we were there he hardly opened his eyes...I am not sure if the bright lights hurt his eye, if he was sleepy, or just zoned out...the nurses assured us Dad was probably tired from the cough and his medication.

Every time Dad took a drink of his milk or coffee he would begin a spastic cough.  I had the server bring him several cups of ice cold water and we could see how much he enjoyed it... must have felt good on his throat.

During lunch, I was not sure if he could even finish, he seemed so tired...  When I asked if he was full, he told me, "Almost..."

After eating, he closed his eyes and put his head down, so we took that as a sign he was tired.  While his caregiver tucked Dad into bed, I took the opportunity to go to the nurses station and get a copy of all Dad's medication.  By the time Mom and I returned, Dad was snoring away and fast asleep...

I had such a difficult time this visit...I have a feeling it is going to start getting more and more difficult...

Written Memories and Updates...

This morning I have been sorting through my books and putting them back in my bookcases.  I found Dad's Bible.  I flipped through the pages to help in the process of dusting and cleaning out the books and noticed there was a verse written on a scrap of paper, dated March 17, 2009.  The verse was John 14:13-14, "And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it."

I am not sure whether Dad wrote it down as his promise to God or a prayer to God for himself...I remember some of our talks when he told me he felt very confused and was under so much stress...
Last night I was cleaning out our large master closet, where I had stored some things in preparation for the floors.  I found an envelope Mom had given me last May.  When she finds one of Dad's notebooks or notes from her daily calendar regarding Dad, she forwards them to me for my blog.
She included some notes from  Friday, January 1, through Sunday, January 3. 2009. She writes about getting up early to watch the Rose Parade, and Dad was already up, watching the parade and eating his breakfast.  We used to live a few blocks from the parade route in Pasadena when I was a child.  Every year for most of my first eighteen years of life, were spent drinking cocoa bright and early sitting alongside the curb, watching the Rose Parade...
Dad fell asleep after eating his breakfast and snoozed in his chair.  Mom was checking her emails after fixing her breakfast when Dad came in to see what she was doing.  She attempted to show Dad how to email, but Dad was frustrated trying to find something in his desk.  Mom offered to help him look and to organize his desk, but Dad was too distracted and left the room.
Mom went into the living room to take down and put away the tree and Christmas ornaments.  Dad was watching the Rose Bowl game, USC vs Penn State, and fell asleep again.
Saturday, Mom went out with one of her girlfriends for lunch, came home and she and Dad went to Sam's Club for groceries and each of them got new tennis shoes. While they were gone, my brother K_____ came by and mowed and edged their front yard.

Sunday, they went to first service for church.  After the visited with friends from church on the church patio for coffee, then treated everyone to breakfast at Marie Calendar's after.   When they got in the car to go home, Mom noticed Dad had brown shoes with no shoe laces!

Mom needed Reynolds Wrap and was sure she had some, but could not find it before leaving for church, so they stopped at the store on the way home to buy some.  After they had been home awhile, Dad brought the old Reynolds Wrap out to Mom.  She asked where he found it and he told her he found it in his top dresser drawer...

Dad had to fast tonight for a blood test tomorrow, so Dad was sitting in the chair making a list of questions and complaints for his doctor.  The next time Mom entered back into the room, Dad was asleep in his chair.

She woke him at 5pm for dinner but he did not want the Chicken Chow Mien she made so he made himself two bean tacos then retired to his room to finish his list of questions and complaints.

Often when Dad had a doctor appointment, he would make a list or talk about his complaints and get himself so worked up, he would end up canceling the doctor appointment.

Just reading this notes, it is so obvious he was suffering from dementia.  Mentally he was worn out most of the time and slept a lot during the day and then was up half the night, making him sleep during the day.  It was four months later in May, 2009 when he collapsed on the floor when I was watching him. 

His health issues would not allow him to fly and both he and Mom were going to Ohio to see their grand son graduate.  I volunteered to stay with Dad.  I awoke early one morning about 4am to find Dad curled up by the front door, cold and grey, mumbling about "the enemy attacking at dawn's light."

Three of my brothers, my sister and I all waited in the emergency room while they examined Dad.  It was then we found out his brain was so atrophied the doctors were shocked Dad could even form a sentence and speak.

I just received a call from the nursing home.  They want to do biopsies on Dad's lesions on his eye, forehead, upper lip and temple.  They know how we feel about it.  I was also informed Dad's Doctor did the Cryrotherapy yesterday on Dad's toe.

I have this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach...I am not looking forward to my trip to California this weekend...but I have a very strong gut feeling I have to go...

Living on Memories for Father's Day...

Mom is still in Ohio.  My sister went to visit Dad today.  I think a couple of my brothers went too, but they did not email or call about it.  I had asked my sister to please call me if she went to see Dad because I have not been able to reach him for the past week.

Dad's male caretaker had told me he would call me after Dad had his shower, but no one ever called.  When I called after lunch, Dad was having treatments on his rashes and wound care.  I called back again and he was asleep...

My sister found him snoozing in his wheel chair in the rec room.  She took him outside to the patio to visit.  She brought him a chocolate shake to enjoy...

I could hear her telling Dad to just speak into the phone because she had it on speaker.  She directed him to say hi to me.  Dad began by telling me he felt fine and was happy. I told him I was so glad and told him I loved him and missed him.  He began having a conversation with random memories of the distant past...talking about how I loved going out on the boats and being on the water...

Since I get sea sick and would not characterize me loving being out in boats, I knew he was talking about his sisters, as he used to take them out to sail all the time when they were kids...

I attempted to bring him back by reminding him how much he must be enjoying some time with Holl Doll...

I could hear my sister suggesting to Dad to tell me what she brought him...I heard her say chocolate shake, but Dad obviously could not hear her correctly because he was saying several things which were not even close, except chocolate cake.  He did not make much sense at all... I finally suggested he enjoy his chocolate shake before it melted.

Dad coughed and sounded really congested.  I ask my sister who was listening as Dad spoke into the speaker of her cell phone if Dad had a cough and she told me he did.  I asked Dad if he had a summer cold and Dad's response was, "I have a cough, but I feel fine..."  Dad always put his best foot forward...

He went on talking non stop but nothing I could relate to, although I wanted to...I wanted to make sense of it and relate it to he and I, but sadly, there was nothing... I don't even recall him telling me he loved me...yet, I know the Father I know and love, does...

My sister wrote later of their visit and said Dad thought she was me... Unfortunately, this seems to happen so often for my sweet sister and she always handles it so graciously and lovingly... and I know she knows Dad loves her...but still, it has to make her sad...

Often lately, I find myself being ever so creative when I talk with Dad...wanting to relate...wanting to understand...but it seems more and more, I am creating and imagining to keep the connection going between Dad and I....living on memories...

We all know Dad is really slowing down.  My sister said Dad dozed in his wheel chair most of their visit.  She gave him a 15 minute shoulder massage, which probably added to his sleepiness... She said his eye looked terrible and he seemed out of it...

I asked if she looked at his toe and she didn't.  She could see his toe was wrapped beneath his bed socks...

My oldest daughter turns 35 and her son, my oldest grand son turns 10 towards the end of this month.  Mom's birthday is around the same time, so I am planning another trip to California to see all of them, and to visit Dad.  I have a strong sense I need to spend some time with him because I am starting to feel he may not have much time left...

The doctor is suppose to be doing another Cryotherapy on Dad's left pinky toe...and I am surprised I have not heard anything.  I plan on emailing Dad's doctor and letting him know I will be in town, so maybe he and I can meet.

I don't mean to be negative, just realistic.  This disease steals so much from us and despite how hard we try, it begins to creep inside our hearts and toughen it for the reality to come...

What I've Been Up To...

I have not been posting too much lately because we've had back to back house guests since last Monday...my girlfriend Connie arrived Monday morning and left Thursday morning.  Then our friends Diane and Ernie from Tucson arrived Thursday afternoon and just left at noon.  Tonight we are having our local family over for a BBQ.

Five days before the company arrived, we finished getting our new laminate wooden floors installed.  We replaced all the carpeting in our home with the laminate.  I still have not put back everything...

February, March and April we had our spa removed, the hole filled in and pavers laid down in the space where the spa and decking once were.

I don't mind sharing, I AM FED UP WITH HOUSE PROJECTS!  I have a ton of books...four bookcases full.  I had to break it down and twine up all the books in preparation for the laminate install.  Now I am seriously re-thinking putting the book cases back in the house.  I may donate a lot of them and keep only the ones I have not read yet and a few special ones...

I posted the before and after pictures on my other blog here, in case you are interested.

Better zip...family is due any minute....bye for now...

Slowing Down and Enjoying the Sunshine...

Mom went to visit Dad today and found him snoozing in his wheel chair in the dining room where the Pastor was reading to a room full of residents in Spanish...Dad will attend any activity involving the Bible, English or not...

One of the care givers saw Mom and wheeled Dad to her.  His face lit up when he saw her and agreed happily when she suggested they go sit out on the patio.  Dad remarked several times how good the sun felt on his back.

The sunshine obviously made Dad sleepy as he kept his eyes closed most of the time they visited.  Mom asked him if he was awake and he replied, "I like Nick.  He is doing a great job on the re-landscaping out in front..."  (Mom is used to the odd and abstract responses from Dad, so she politely agreed what a great job Nick is doing...

Mom complimented Dad on his sharp new crewcut.  Dad smiled and told her he liked it too... Mom chatted along filling Dad in on the latest family news.  Dad told her he would pray for everyone.

Surprisingly, Dad has his glasses on, and again, Mom complimented Dad on how nice he looked in his glasses and how good it was he was wearing them. 

"I like to see the activities on the bulletine board.  It makes me happy.  I like to go where it makes me happy...

Mom agreed and told him she was proud of him.  She asked if he had a nice breakfast...

"DELICIOUS!  I had chinese food with some stuff in it...I like to mix it all up every chance I get."

Seeing Dad with his eyes closed so much of her visit, she asked if he was sleepy...

"No, I am not sleepy, I am resting my eyes.  I won't fall asleep while we are visiting..."

Mom mentioned the Angels were in 2nd place and Dad smiled.  She told him she was watching the Kings in the Stanley Cup Play offs, but he did not seem too interested...  "Isn't today the Preakness?" she asked...

"I am not preaching today." Dad mumbled.  Dad obvioulsy misheard her and is not wearing his hearing aids, but it does seem his interest in horse racing has diminished...

Mom told him she had the Brazilian Pepper Tree trimmed and Dad smiled.  Dad planted and shaped that particular tree some 55 years ago...it is a stunningly beautiful tree in front of our parents home.
Mom told him it looked so good, their daughter in law took the tree trimmer's card to do some of the trees in their backyard.

Mom asked if he remembered when he went to their son's home and trimmed some of their trees from the back of his truck bed, standing on a ladder and hurt his back.  Dad did not remember any of it...

Mom noticed Dad seemed very subdued.  We all agree Dad seems to be really slowing down...which is perfectly normal consider he will be 92 this November.  Even the nurses commented to Mom how Dad used to joke, laugh and sing and has been much more quiet and sleepy.

When lunch was being served, Mom wheeled him back into the dining room.  She parked him at his usual table with his friend who always wears the Navy cap.  They saluted one another and call themselves "Captain".  The woman who Dad said was brillant and his attorney was ranting and raving on the other side of the lunchroom...

Dad smacked his lips as his eyes focused on his lunch of cubed beets, mashed potatoes with chicken gravy, breaded chicken breast, green salad, whole wheat bread and butter, a slice of Angelfood cake, two glasses of milk and coffee.  Pickles told him she had a fruit plate for him if he wanted it, but he either forgot was too full.  Mom cut up his chickent breast and he was able to feed himself pretty well.

Mom gave Dad a hug and a smooch and he waved good bye to her...  As Mom was leaving she told Pickles she would be gone for two weeks to Ohio to visit her son and see her grand son graduate.  Pickles asked if Mom had told Dad and Mom assured her she had not done so.  Both of them agreed it would be better not to tell Dad as he probably won't notice Mom's absence.

All in all, it was a good visit and Dad seemed very content.