This blog was formerly dedicated in 2009 to my Dad who died of Alzheimer's in 2013. It's been three years now...and I find myself missing blogging...so I am re-inventing my blog... because, after all, life is about moving through, and going forward...

Thursday, January 27, 2011

More Tests For Dad and Being Grateful....

Mom got a phone call from the nursing home this morning, asking her to come in and sign re-admission papers for Dad.  They also told her there is edema around Dad's left pinkie toe, so his doctor is putting him back on Lasix and potassium.

Yesterday, they called to tell me Dad did not have to be isolated for his MRSA, because it had "colonized". I still have not heard back from his primary doctor either...

This afternoon, while my husband and I were at the movies, seeing THE KINGS SPEECH, the nursing home called my cell.  The nurse informed me they would be doing another Doppler study on Dad's legs to check his lower extremity circulation. Dad has horrible circulation. Dad's left pinkie toe is purple.  The test will be done today or tomorrow...

One of the nurses, or staff at the nursing home, told me each time Dad is re-admitted, they keep the pertinent information from the old chart and start a new one... This has always concerned me, as I am afraid some things will be omitted...like calling me first instead of my Mom, like they did this morning...  The next time I visit Dad, I am going to ask to see his chart.

Last night I had a horrible nightmare involving Dad.  I dreamt he had to have his leg amputated.  Dad walked every day of his life...and at one time, he ran in marathons.  He loved to run along the water at the beach.  He always asks for his tennis shoes, because he wants to run... I won't share my dream.  Suffice it to say, it was devastating for Dad...

My sister and I were talking about how difficult it is having Dad in the nursing home, despite the fact we know none of us could care for him the way he needs to be cared for.  We know we have him in the best nursing home for our financial situation.  Regardless of the facts, emotionally, it is so difficult to know, he will never come home again.  The nursing home is now his home...

I have not discussed this difficulty with my brothers, in awhile... It is not a subject easy to discuss.  All my brothers marveled at Dad's physical strength, he alone, could lift things which took three of my brothers.  Dad was always active.  Not until the end before he was admitted to the hospital the first time, would we ever see lying around the house. 

I think it is especially difficult for my brothers to see Dad in a wheel chair and to be so weak.  We each have to cope the best we can.  We lean on one another to get through this difficult journey.  My sister and I talk more often.  Thankfully, when she is down, I am up and vice versa...I think about Dad a lot before I go to bed at night.  Both my sister and I dream of him.  I imagine my brothers do too, but they don't discuss it as often as my sister and I do with one another... It is a great source of emotional drain....

Some days I wrap my head around it all, and can deal with it choosing to see all the positives...then, there are the days, when the phone rings, and I shutter...  I know one day the voice at the nursing home will tell me the one thing I don't want to hear...

Today, we can be grateful he is not in the hospital. 
Today he is back at the nursing home with his friends.
Today he is getting the best of care.
Today he is being cared for by very loving and caring people...
Today, we have our Father.
Today, he knows who we all are.... and that is a lot to be grateful for...

6 comments:

Mari said...

This is such a touching post! You voiced all the things that are so hard, but still you can see the things to be thankful for.
Hope the study on his toe goes well.

Jeanie said...

Your wisdom and courage in looking for the things to be grateful for is inspiring.

Thisisme. said...

It really is such a worry, Donna. Thank goodness you have your sister to share things with, and talk about. I loved the way you ended your post, with the things to be thankful for today. I guess it is just taking one day at a time, but it is really heartbreaking to see someone you love have to go through all this. I do agree with you that it's a bit of a worry that they keep starting new charts. That doesn't seem right somehow. Keep strong. Hugs.

JeannetteLS said...

Your journey with your dad has been something which always makes me feel connected with you at a visceral level. This prolonged process is SO hard... And as long as it is, inside, we are the children and we really don't want it to end, either--the tug between child and adult child. So hard. Yet full of beauty, too, somehow.

I've seen you grow, felt the frustration, the anger, the love, the acceptance, the struggle. You wear every phase with such grace, Donna, and love breathes through every word. I am so very glad I found your blog so long ago.

You do not know the gifts you give to those who may read without ever letting you know how you've touched them. THank you for sharing your gifts with words and for sharing the gift that is simply YOU.

Rose said...

we hate to see our parent struggle. you do the best decisions you can. if you are concerned that info is lost on a readmit. sugg listing things such as phone calss and whatever and give to nurses to make certain it's charted. you and your family are in my prayers. rose

gayle said...

Your family is very lucky that your dad is in such a wonderful place...even though it has to be so hard to see him there.

I know I would be feeling the same as you!