Got some answers and talked to Dad...

Called Dad on the psych ward pay phone and finally made contact!! His voice really sounds weird, not like his normal voice. Is it caused from the anti-depressant? He was chewing his favorite cinnamon Altoids gum my second the youngest brother brings to him. He kept holding the phone too close to his ear, so for a a minute or two I had a loud beeeeeeeeeep in my ear! I asked if he was visiting his friends there and he told me he was. I asked if he was talking about the Lord with them, and again, he was. He told me he was seeking the truth...

I agreed with him and thanked him for always teaching me the truth. He changed the subject and told me he was suppose to be in a foreign land...but could not remember where it was... I asked if he had watched any television programs about foreign lands, and he told me he had and what a great program it was.

I told him I was coming to see him next Thursday and I had lots of hugs and kisses for him. He told me he loved hugs and kisses... Suddenly he told me he had to go to the restroom and we said good bye...

I did make contact with the Social Worker today and she told me the Psychiatrist had stopped the Seraquil on Dad on 7/31/09 and had started him on the anti-depressant Lexepro on 7-30-09. The doctor had increased the Lexepro on 8-5-09. She did not know why, so I called the Psychiatrist's office and spoke with his nurse. Dad's main doctor is out of the country, so I asked for his Associate to contact me. I want to know if he was taken off the Seraquil for the Lexepro due to conflict? Is the Seraquil not working? (I know Dad particularly would refuse to take that medication and would refer to it as "the bad one"). Can an elderly patient with dementia take that medication safely?

I also told both the Social Worker and the Psychiatrist's office I wanted to be notified if Dad's medications are changed, stopped or re-started. I want to stay on top of these drugs they are giving Dad. I am thinking that is why his voice sounds "funny" because of the anti-depressant.
I will have to ask my siblings to check for "dry mouth", which would indicate the anti-depressant might be too strong...

Hang in there Dad....hang in there.

A day of crying and phone calls...

Today I tried to call Dad on the pay phone at the psych ward. I called 4 times. The first time some lady patient answered and told me Dad was not there. I gave her the room number and she told me that was her room... I tried again and he was asleep. Again and he was asleep... the last time, again, he was asleep. What the heck is going on???

If he slept all day, there is a good chance, he will be up all night...

Mom got a list of all his medications today at her visit. She arrived and he was in the lunch room finishing his lunch. Dad finally got shaved! She asked if she could comb his hair and he did not answer her. A lady patient was having trouble breathing, and Mom asked Dad again about taking him to his room and combing his hair. He agreed, only to lie down and close his eyes after she combed his hair...

Dad is not on the anti-psychotic meds anymore...maybe that is because he is on the anti-depressant. I tried to call the Social Worker three times, once she was in a meeting, once she was with a doctor and the third time she had already left for the day.

I called his Cardiologist and asked if he had changed Dad's heart and blood pressure medication. He hadn't, so it was Dad's primary care doctor. The cardiologist's nurse approved of the changes and took down the list of Dad's new meds.

I left a message for his primary care physician. We have decided since Dad has so little pleasures these days, why not take him off the low sodium diet and let him eat what he wants. Dad just LOVES to eat, so let him!! I think giving him the joy of enjoying his food is worth the risk to his health.

Out of frustration and sadness for what my sister is going through right now, I just broke down and sobbed for a couple hours. She and I had such a traumatic experience at the psych ward with the naked lady attacking us. I know it took so much for her to go back in to that snake pit for Dad. The fact she found him in such shabby shape, added insult to injury in seeing Dad so confused and deluded. My heart breaks when I think how heartbroken she is...

I know my second to the youngest brother is having a difficult time as well. Both of them just want their Dad back... We all do...but deep inside I feel him slipping further and further into that black hole called Alzheimer's...

I ache to see Dad...just to put my arms around him and hug his little, crooked, bony body. To look into his eyes and see him smile. To hold his hands and show him how very much he means to me. I feel so empty when I cannot hear his voice, even if what he is saying, makes no sense.

Even though I could not talk to you today Dad...I will call again tomorrow. I love you Dad. God Bless you and keep you safe through the night...

Conversations with the Social Worker...

Today I called the Social Worker over at the psych ward. I specifically wanted to know why Dad is not making any progress and why they are keeping him there so long. She explained their goal is to find his "baseline", which is the getting Dad to a base he can function from.

One of the big drawbacks, is basically Dad not taking his medication on a regular basis. I found out Dad is "his own free agent" and can make his own decisions. I thought, since we had an Advance Medical Directive and Mom and Dad had a Living Trust, those things were covered. Not the case.

The Social Worker was telling me in order to force Dad to take his meds, we would have to request Treatment for Dementia clause in their Advance Directive or have a Conservator ship. She encouraged the Conservator ship, and told us we could download the form from the LA Superior Court and file it ourselves. She said a Conservator ship contains 16 powers, but three specific powers refer to his situation that could help us down the road. I need to talk to her again by what exactly she means by that.

So far, in my research, a Conservator ship allows placing a mentally dysfunctional person into a locked unit, against their will. Is that what the Social Worker was referring to? Does she anticipate that down the road?

If Dad can refuse his medication, why can't he just refuse to stay in the nursing home? Or in the psych ward for that matter! What is the difference? Guess I have to put that one on my list of questions for tomorrow...

This whole thing is an absolute NIGHTMARE!!

I hope it never comes to having to place Dad in a locked facility...that would be more than I could even imagine.

When I talk with Dad, he still recognizes my voice... most of the time and he either tells me he loves me or responds he loves me after I tell him before I hang up. But, all the "talking" in between is usually him rambling about things that make no sense at all, bizarre comments and his ever constant obsession with the "repetitive syndrome" of having to urinate or defecate. Whatever bizarre comments he makes, such as going to Iraq and joining the Muslims has to be impressions from watching the television news. The other day, he was going to become a missionary and take care of the children.

I know Dad has been a procrastinator most of his life and if he has any connection to that, he must have many regrets and sadness. There's a lesson in there about not putting something off, and to take action to follow your dreams, no matter what.

Maybe it is the distance and being away from Dad, reading all my families emails, but I feel God gave us a miracle on Father's Day. Since then, he seems to be in a steady down hill decline. It is highly doubtful, Dad will get any better...

My youngest brother said it best, "We need to look for all the positives we can on our visits with Dad"... "If Dad knows who we are, that is a positive"...

Gotta get Dad outta there....

We gotta get Dad outta there! My Mom and Sister went to visit Dad tonight and my sister thought Dad looked "homeless". His hair was long and untidy, he had about 5 days growth and we are so used to seeing him look neat and squared away. Dad recognized her, but he made absolutely no sense when she talked with him. She gave him an anniversary card and he looked at it with a blank stare as if he had no clue he had been married to Mom for 64 years.

Mom helped Dad with his hearty dinner, cutting up his peaches and green beans. Dad woofed down the spaghetti, veggie stew, and cake for dessert. His appetite has returned... or maybe he just likes the psych ward's food better.

I called the Social Worker this morning about Dad's lost glasses. She asked me if Mom had told me that the glasses were not lost, Dad had given them away. Apparently, Dad told Mom he gave them to someone who needed them more than he did. I really don't think Dad can focus or concentrate on reading to understand what he is reading. He used to read the Bible every day.

I agree with my Sister, I am beginning to think the medication is NOT helping Dad. I am going to call the Social Worker again and ask her to explain what the Psychiatrist is doing or trying to accomplish with Dad. I have decided I'd rather talk to his associate. Mom said he actually talked with her and showed concern for Dad. That's more than I can say for the lead Psychiatrist...

Talk about feeling totally helpless. My sister says Dad, as we know him, is fading away and she hardly recognizes him anymore. She told me to prepare myself for a shock when I see him next week.

I also want to find out when Dad will return to Garden View. He needs a hair cut. Again, so much of this is sadly familiar. My Mother in Law was an immaculate woman who was always stylishly dressed and perfectly accessorized. When she had Alzheimer's, she used to wear the same clothes every day. I think she used to sleep in her clothes. When I would suggest another outfit, she would insist she just washed and ironed what she had on. She was not even allowed to have an iron, let alone the ability to wash her clothes.

This is just too sad...

My two precious daughters left this morning at 5:45 am and arrived in California by 9:40am. That was the fastest, most fun, five days, I have had in a long while. It was so very good to spend that time with them. My step-son arrives on Thursday... some thing else to look forward to...

Not a whole lotta sense goin' on... For August 3, 2009

Both Mom and my 2nd to the youngest brother visited Dad today. Both found him to be very confused. Mom checked, and the psych ward wants to keep him for 2-3 more days. It's so bizarre how Dad seems to prefer the psych ward to the nursing home... He has been taking his meds and having a better appetite too. Mom says he needs a hair cut. His 2nd pair of glasses is gone. I will call tomorrow and see if they can find any of his glasses by the time he leaves!

I hope this is not the beginning of the end... I remember when my Mother in Law began losing things. She would never, ever allow anyone to see her without her dentures. Toward the end, she lost her dentures and did not seem to mind at all. Next her glasses went, then her jewelry.

When my brother visited with Dad, he spent much of the visit, listening to Dad complain about Mom. He is confused his primary doctor is a priest. Dad just seems to blame every little thing on Mom...

I just can't imagine what Dad must be going through. It must be like the worst drunk one could have... the kind of drunkenness when you can't remember where the car is parked, or what happened to the shoes you were wearing, or how did you get that tear in your pants and the skinned knee?? Just one woozy, uncertain, really foggy, can't remember anything state of mind...

I've never seen Dad drunk. He has always been a person who prefers to have his "wits about him" and prefers to think clearly. The sad truth is, he has not been able to think very clearly for a couple years now. What a horrible, horrible situation this is...

It would almost be better if he did not know what was going on, rather than being so confused and mixed up. At least he still knows who we are... and is concerned for our safety.

Tomorrow, Mom and Dad will have been married for 64 years...

Dad just needed to see his sons.. for August 2, 2009

For some reason, my blog for the 1st did not publish... so the dates are messed up... I will put the correct dates on the one that did not publish correctly. Last night I hit the sheets at 9 PM and was too pooped to write the blog, so I will put dates on that one as well...

Yesterday, Mom and my second oldest brother went to visit Dad. As they were driving into the parking lot of the psych ward, my youngest brother was walking out. My youngest brother told them he had walked Dad in the hallways and taken him out on the cigarette butt strewn patio for some visiting and conversation. He also told them one of the attendants had been feeding Dad his lunch when he arrived, and said he had watched him as he fed Dad. The attendant was treating Dad as tenderly as he would if Dad had been his Father... That really impressed my youngest brother, and made him feel a lot better with Dad being in there... Dad had also eaten his breakfast and taken his medication.

When Mom and my second oldest brother went in, they found Dad napping. He woke up and was so excited to see my brother!!! Dad just lit up. Dad was obviously thrilled with his visit with his youngest son, and told them all about it.

Mom discovered Dad's move to another room, so the nurses could keep an eye on him, had been done without moving his personal belongings. She told a nurse who was very upset by her discovery, and they set out to find all his stuff. When she returned, Mom and my brother basically listened, while Dad talked, and devoured the snacks they brought him. My brother bought macaroons and Mom brought him the spicy Doritos Dad just loves.

Dad went on and on with everything from the yacht they used to have back in Connecticut, to his battle days in the Marines with all his buddies. His favorite word these days seems to be repetitive in reference to his constant and steady trips to the restroom. I must remind him, that as long as he is doing that he is healthy... when he stops doing it, he is preparing to see the Lord.

Mom told him about my sister being sick and me coming out in a couple of weeks. Of course, he was worried about his daughter being ill, and looked forward to seeing me.

I had another great, but exhausting day with my daughters. We went to Lone Star for lunch (we slept through breakfast due to late night casino hopping the night before) and then each of us checked off our personal shopping lists at Target and Ross. My oldest daughter was busy finding school clothes for my grandsons, and my youngest was finding bargains for new clothes.

My oldest daughter showed me this charger/player so I can listen to my iPod in the car. We found one on sale and I got it. That will be perfect for me next time I travel to California in a few weeks.

One more day with my girls... then they drive back early Tuesday morning. Bummer...

Dad seems to be going down hill... for August 1, 2009

Mom visited Dad on Saturday, and again, he was sleeping. He had not eaten his dinner. The nurse asked Mom to see if she could get him to eat and to drink some water. She got him to eat it all as well as three glasses of water and some coffee. As soon as he finished eating, he was ready to return to sleep.

My sister in very worried Dad is shutting down. Mom is the only one seeing Dad lately. My sister is sick, and everyone else is busy or has something going. The doctor changed his heart medication because his heart is beating too fast. His medication was changed to Digoxin to slow his heart rate down and to strengthen his heart muscle.

I hope to God he is not giving up... The doctor gave him a tranquilizer, and I know that will make him sleepy. Dad takes so many medications and the doctors keep changing them, and not letting us know!

Right now, I feel kind of irked with the Psychiatrist and the doctor for not updating us and letting us know how Dad is doing. I am calling tomorrow to try and talk with Dad. It is not good that is he is laying around so much. He will end up with pneumonia again!

Dad, please hang in there! Our second oldest brother is coming tomorrow to visit him. I will be calling on Monday to find out what the heck is going on with him!!!

It seems the cards seem to continually stack higher and higher against Dad...

Please Lord, keep him safe and well. Please let him feel Your Love and Peace. Please give him a brighter outlook and to see how everyone is trying to help him. Please let him feel how much we all love him and want him to be as strong as he can be.

I am praying for you Dad... sending you lots of love and tenderness. I long to be with you.... please hang in there Dad...I will be there in 10 days...