Mom would have rather mopped the floors then go see Dad...but she went to visit him anyway. It is very difficult for any of us to go visit with him alone. Emotionally, it is always draining....we need one another to hold one another up emotionally...
Mom arrived and the male Hospice CNA was just finishing up giving Dad a shower and had put one coat of lotion all over Dad. Dad sat with his grimace face, clawing at his neck and upper neck, scratching...scratching..."I got mice climbing up and down my arms...they keep the hair down but I don't like....."
The male CNA told Dad he would put more lotion on him....
Mom greeted Dad and asked how he felt today....
"GRRRRRRRRREAT!"
"Oh, just like Tony the Tiger", Mom quipped...."What did you have for breakfast Don?"
"Shirts..."
"Shirts? WHAT DID YOU HAVE FOR BREAKFAST?"
"I don't remember..." closing his eyes and smiling as the male CNA rubbed lotion into his alligator skin. The male CNA told Mom what a pleasure it is to care for Dad...he told Mom Dad is such a nice, kind gentleman. Some times Dad gets angry, but very rarely. The CNA said he saves Dad for the weekends after a long hard week because Dad is such a joy to be around...
"Thank you, we really appreciate all you do. Thank you for remembering to put the lotion on him." Mom smiled back at the CNA with gratitude... Then Dad started talking...
"I took a sheet metal train into the City....I'm number one on that train...first in line; that's why they play the music for me..." (someone was whistling in the hallway...)
"I follow the middle because I get more recognition that way....It's really great...metal trains...when you come out, the trainman comes out with you and then everyone follows you. The people walk very fast because they want to keep up with you. Makes a big difference in your occupation. They come by every five minutes."
Mom had taken pen and paper from her purse, head down, looking up every now and then to make eye contact with Dad and smile with approval as she wrote as fast as she could to get everything he said down...
"They come out of the trailer cars because they don't want to fall. Walking is VERY dangerous. The train goes miles all the way into the City depending on the person. This morning I flew down to the City...." Looking at Mom, "You saw John (?) clear down on the railroad...He must be a big shot because they won't do anything until they get to the end of the line...He is very special."
Barely taking a breath, Dad continued his rambling...."The girls are really something here, and on the metal train....First, they bring lunch into the toilet. Little man doesn't want to fall. I have clean hands and fingernails so I can scratch. I am able to form a filament - much smaller than the fat legs I used to have. More normal now and that makes me happy. (Dad still has the huge growth on his foot, but as long as it is wrapped, he is not aware of it.) Now I get the regular legs and they make a big difference."
"I always have my eyes open to watch the girls - they are very pretty. I feel so happy when I see the train was actually metal. The girls will love it better too and they do."
"The guy goes around with a belt around his chest. He is a Q boy...he makes up the beds. You can sleep on both ends. Doctor-Doctor checks to make sure. She is always very clean and careful...you can see she is A-1. She goes in other rooms to make sure - always in a rhythm, very hygienic and personal. She watches very carefully. You can tell because she is so fast and clean. I love to see her work very hygienic. I rest so I am ready for quick work...they walk so fast. When I clip my nails I clip them so fast and they want me to know that..."
Head down, Mom is wishing she remembered her steno.... When Dad goes off the rail like this, we try to write it down and make sense of it..but it seems lately, there is no making sense of what he says. It fries our brain to listen to him talk like this, and writing it down almost makes us feel like we are one caboose short....
"IT'S WONDERFUL, I chew both umbrellas! I wait 'til the first one is out, then I know I am first. I want to make sure I don't run into someone with my pee-pee out..."
Mom's head bobbed up, looking at Dad like he had four heads...but knows what a wild imagination he has...
At that moment, Dad's lunch arrived, making Mom heave a sigh of relief. She was never so thankful to see his lunch arrive. It looked and smelled delicious. Meat loaf with gravy, mashed potatoes, Dad's favorite cubed beets, pudding, ice cream, milk, bread and butter.
Dad was still mumbling...sometimes very softly then louder as if someone turned up his volume....Mom could not keep up with anymore of his bizarre conversation, so after Dad polished off his lunch, Mom kissed him and let the CNA take him to his room for a nap.
She figured Dad had to be tired, she knew she was exhausted. She called me when she got home to make sure her report of their visit made it to my inbox. She was so tired she was not certain if she even sent it and she knew she could not write it down again!
I reassured her I had TWO copies of her email in my inbox and I would post it to my blog. Sweet dreams Mama....I think she will sleep through the night after this train wreck of a visit....
4 comments:
I know that it doesn't make sense...the babbling and thoughts but those thoughts are colliding with one another and making it difficult to decipher. The brain is a wonderful thing. It stores memories for later and then, bam...those memories run into another and another. So, the talk of an umbrella and eating and the metal train and music...he has some wonderful memories stored in his head. They are only scrambled when they pour out. I hope that your mom sees what a blessing she is to your dad being there and loving him through all of the tough moments. I can only imagine how exhausted she must be.
Yes, a visit like that is exhausting! Trying to keep up with that rambling speech is too much. Hope the next visit goes better.
I have read all of your posts but rarely comment. My cousin flew into CA to take her Mom close to where she lives. Her Mom has Dementia and does not speak much at all. She recently found out about what they call figit quilts to keep patients busy so made one for her Mom and hopes that she enjoys it once they arrive at the new home. It will also serve as a lap warmer. She used buttons on it at the corners of each square, used a filler and backing and put various things on the squares for her Mom to keep her fingers busy. I mentioned to her that when my Dad had Dimentia and in the hospital before going into the nursing home that the gown he wore had a pattern on it and he would run his finger along the pattern while visiting him. He could not have a conversation with us at all but hummed and wore his cowboy hat a lot. I wonder if something like this quilt would help your Dad. I am sorry that you and your Mom and family are going through this as it takes the person we knew and changes them forever.
Simone: I greatly appreciate your interpretation of the gibberish my Dad was speaking on Mom's visit. Your interpretation is much easier to accept than the feelings we often come away with, which is the sadness of missing the man he once was...
Thank you for your kindness and your support. My family and I are blessed to have such generosity from the special people who have suffered through this insidious disease and still extend to us such love and support. Thank you so much.
Mari: Your advice and education have helped more than you know. Your loyalty, support and friendship mean the world to me.
Darlene: Going through this experience with your family and then to have the gift of spirt to support our family, in my eyes, makes you an extension of our family. Your support and suggestions are so welcomed and valued.
Dad enjoyed "puttering" making someone out of nothing. He has always been eccentric, mathematical, scientific and loved the feel of the earth in his hands. Now his hands are crippled with RA. At one point we gave him a box of various nuts and screws before his hands got so bad, and he enjoyed putting them together and taking them apart.
My sister sews, so maybe she can make something like this for him. Thank you so much again for your support and friendship.
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