If God Needs A Good Right Hand Man...

I received a phone call from the charge nurse at the nursing home today.  She gave me the preliminary results to Dad's Doppler:

Arteriosclerosis
Bilateral ischemia in his legs
Obstruction in both posterior tibial arteries
Positive for peripheral artery disease (PAD)
Chronic deep vein thrombosis (DVT)

I am still haunted by that nightmare I had about Dad.  There is a standing order for Dad to wear his compression stockings, but Dad hates to wear them.  Some times I feel our agreement not to fight with Dad if he doesn't want to wear them, in a way, gives the nursing home license to just not make it a priority.  In the process, with Dad's bad circulation in his legs, the results above are the outcome. 

When Dad first came to live at the nursing home, he fought taking his medication.  The staff would call and ask our help, telling us due to patient rights, they could not force him.  I would talk to him and we had a talk with Administration about encouraging the nurses to be more creative in getting Dad to take his meds.  They must do the same thing in getting him to wear the stockings.  Maybe one day let it slide, but the next get creative and make it happen.

Mom visited Dad today and discovered he did not have his wrist alarm attached.  When she mentioned it to a new male nurse, she was told Dad did not have a history of roaming.  She promptly told him about Dad getting out and his fall in front of the nursing home.  He got the charge nurse and she said one would be put on Dad today.  I realize there will be new staff, but it is this type of misunderstandings, where I feel I must be vigilant.  I feel details make the difference with everything, especially with Dad's care...

Mom said Dad is still focused on getting some tennis shoes so he can run.  Mom said he was on one of his rampages, where it was all he would talk about with her.  She kept telling him, "it was doctor's orders until his wound heals."

He also believed people were trying to kidnap him, so he was afraid to sleep in his room.  He  had also mentioned it to me while he was in the hospital.  I imagine he is still readjusting on being back where he feels safe.  I bet he felt like he was kidnapped when he was rushed out last week due to his low blood pressure.  In many ways, Dad is like a child now, and does not understand the whys and hows, only how it feels...

Dad also complained about lunch and how he had choked on a bone.  Mom talked to the girls serving lunch and confirmed Dad had devoured his entire boneless fish fillet lunch.  Mom also discovered when Dad told the charge nurse people were trying to kidnap him, she told him not to worry, she would protect him.
I found out Mom had visited Dad when I spoke with the nurse this afternoon.  Mom also had to re-sign all the re-admit paperwork.  I called Mom to find out if she put me down as the first contact, which she did.  She told me Dad's rescheduled Care Conference would be Tuesday, February 1st.  We agreed to bring it up during the conference.
 
Today was one of those days where I was very emotional.  Mom tried to help me calm down, but I was upset.  She mentioned my youngest brother was over for a visit, so I asked to speak with him.  He took his turn at getting me to stop worrying and fretting about Dad.  "Let go, and let God take over", is one of his favorite phrases for advice.  He told me how blessed we are to have Dad for 90 years and the fact Dad believes in the Lord.
 
I agreed with him.  He also suggested a glass of wine, snuggle in on the couch with my husband, and watch a comedy.  To take the weekend "off".... He did his best....but after we hung up, I put my face in my hands and had a good sob.
 
Bottom line, it was that graphic nightmare and guilt for not staying on top of Dad wearing his compression stockings.  He has so many medical issues, I allowed it to fall through the cracks. What if not wearing the stockings ends up causes Dad to lose a limb? Earlier in the day, I wanted to blame the nursing home...but at this late hour, as I am editing my post, I realize both Mom and my brother were right.  I will still continue to be vigilant, because I feel God made me this way for a reason and a purpose...  If nothing else, to be the kind of Mother I have been and the kind of daughter I will continue to be for my Father...
 
I have to remember, Dad had his bad leg circulation long before he went into the nursing home.  The damage has been done.  I have nothing to do with it.  Dad is part of the solution and part of the problem.  If he refuses his stockings, it is not worth forcing him and him freaking out. 
 
All I can do is my best.  I feel I do, and I do it with great love for my Dad.  I know God holds Dad in the palm of His hand.  As my brother said, "If God needs a good right hand man, he will take Dad when He is ready..." I think it is an excellent thought to hold close to my heart...