Mom went back to the nursing home today...she brought a huge box of donuts and personally took them around, visiting everyone who cared for Dad...
The superintendent of the facility was there and thanked Mom again for her written thank you note for the beautiful flowers they sent for Dad's funeral. She gave him a picture of the flowers so he could post it. She also shared pictures from Dad's funeral with everyone.
Everyone was so grateful for the pictures and commented how beautiful it was. Mom visited with Doctor-Doctor, Pickles, the Skin Angel, the Head of Nursing, and all of them wanted to know how we are were doing. Doctor-Doctor mentioned my brother E_____ had come in to extend his thanks for the excellent care Dad received there. She and the others were quite touched he made the effort to come in.
Mom asked the Superintendent for some business cards. Several people in her Support Group had requested cards as well as Mom's physician. He was very impressed we felt so positive and wished to pass along referrals to others. We all agreed how happy we are with the care provided to Dad with such genuine compassion and love.
I know it was not easy for Mom to return to the nursing home, especially by herself, but I am so proud of her and I know how welcomed she must have felt by everyone. We really feel they are all an extension of our family. We have shared such an intimate experience together...
I still miss Dad. I know I always will. Some days I feel raw and very emotional and other days I can think positive, happy thoughts of Dad, eternally youthful, pain free and full of love and joy. I like to think of him running along a beach with his favorite dog, Brutus, running along side of him...as fast as his stubby legs can carry him.
I know it made an easier transition for Mom, in that Dad had been at the nursing home these last four years instead of being at home with Mom. The day I left her house to return to CA, after picking up Dad's remains...she got a phone call from a good friend. The previous week Mom and her girlfriend and her husband shared lunch at a church function. Her girlfriend called to tell Mom he had died. I know Mom will be a comfort to her, but despite my Mother's strength and faith, it has to be very difficult going to so many funerals...
The day of Dad's funeral, as we were leaving, I got a call on my cell from my dear girlfriend I used to co-write poetry with, had suddenly died. She and I had been on the phone long hours the week before as she did not have a computer and I was helping her by giving her phone numbers of places to check out in San Francisco as her daughter's husband had just gotten a job there. We were laughing and sharing and I told her I wanted to come visit her before they all moved...
Unfortunately, I did not get the opportunity to visit. Her daughter said they are having her cremated and will keep her remains with them during the moving process and after they are settled, plan on having a Memorial service in Lake Tahoe, which is where she lived so many years and raised her daughter. My husband and I would love to drive up for it...
Our neighbor across the street from us, discovered he had a tumor in his brain and his lung three months ago. He just died Friday, September 13, 2013. We attended his funeral September 16th.
My daughter's Mother in Law has terminal cancer and has been very ill. Another neighbor down our street just found out she has inoperable cancer on her rib cage and clavicle. She is stage four and very sick...
I realize at our age, unfortunately, we hear about and experience more serious illness and death, especially living in a Senior Community.... It is never easy to accept, but it is a part of life's process coming to a full circle. We are so thankful to learn our youngest daughter, who just got married July 20th of this year, is pregnant. She is due in April. My brother B____'s daughter in Ohio is also pregnant and due this December. It is God's gift to our family... and we are grateful.
Monday, September 30, 2013
Saturday, September 14, 2013
September 6, 2013....A Day We Will Remember Forever.
Dad circa 1943
The day was muggy and hot with a few rain drops here and there, which quickly dried up after they fell. We met everyone at Staging Area One where we lined up to caravan to the covered area for the funeral. Our official, Nathan, lead us in the procession to a beautiful grassy area up on a bluff, surrounded by large, thick pine trees.
Two Marines took at the beginning of the walk way and saluted as Mom and I carried the urn and Dad's flag. I had brought a small picture of Dad and it was placed beside his urn on a platform for the service. The nursing home where Dad lived had sent the beautiful floral arrangement in the pictures.
Nathan explained the ceremony would begin with the Marines unfolding and unfurling the flag over Dad's urn, at which time the seven Marines would each fire three rounds each making a 21 Gun Salute, followed by the playing of Taps, by another Marine. He said it was proper for those who had not been in the Military to put our hands over our hearts and those who had been in the Military would salute. We had ten Marines on deck in their Dress Blues.
He told us after Taps was played, a Marine would present the re-folded flag to Mom along with the spent casings from the 21 gun salute. We all thought it was so ironic that Mom and Dad have 12 Grand Children, 5 Great Grand Children and 4 sons, which totals 21. Each of them will get one of the casings.
The pictures below are the Marines starting to unfold the flag...
Despite knowing the gun salute would begin, I became startled when the firing started and stopped taking pictures....the pictures below were taken by my sister.
The 21 Gun Salute with the lone Marine on the hill who played Taps.
When Taps started, I could hear my Mom softly crying. I saw my brother out of the corner of my eye go to Mom's side to comfort her. I was already crying and struggling to keep my composure... I dared not look at any of my family because I could hear them crying too. I knew I was going to speak after they presented everything to Mom and I was determined to do that for Dad and my family...
While Taps was being played....
Re-folding of Dad's flag...
Presentation of the flag and gun casings to Mom....
I had planned to speak for two minutes... I had it written down on three note cards. My voice began to quiver at the end of the first card and as I started in on the second, my sister Holly rushed up to my side and stood with me so I could finish...
Afterward, my brother's all hugged me and told me they would not be able to say anything after my words, because they all felt I covered everything. Everyone was pleased with what I had said.
Nathan took a few minutes and told us how the Marines saved his life during battle so he was so honored to be present during Dad's funeral. We all were very touched by the things he spoke of and the respect he paid to our Dad. We all agreed how honored we all feel having Dad's final resting place in such a hallowed location.
My daughters and grand sons had written letters so those went with Nathan, who took possession of Dad's urn and his picture. He would place all of it in the niche in the Columbarium later on that day and we would be able to visit Dad's final resting place after 4pm. He told us he would personally see the flowers were watered the next few days.
We all stood around hugging and noticed what a nice cool breeze had come up and was gently refreshing all of us....we all knew it was a gift from Dad.
I shared the location of Dad's niche with everyone and asked if anyone wanted to see it. Everyone decided they would wait until the final plaque is placed in 6-8 weeks and then we will go visit. We agreed whomever is the first to visit would take a picture for everyone.
My son in law took video of the service on my brother's phone, so hopefully, we can figure out how to get it on a CD for everyone. My brother S_____ is working on it.
I will be taking a break from blogging for a bit...I planned on converting what I have shared about Dad into a book and am looking into how to accomplish it. If anyone has any suggestions, or has done so with their blog, I would greatly appreciate any information you could pass along to me. I plan on doing the book for our family.
I want to give some thought as to how to continue my blog because we were so desperate for information when Dad was diagnosed and we remember what a nightmare it was. If I can help just one family with my blog, I will be blessed.
I have acquired a lot of valuable information and don't want to just file it all away in a box somewhere. In my Father's honor, I would like to play it forward and share the information we have learned along the way...
God Bless each and every one of you who have ever been touched by this disease, be it from a family member or friend. I send my eternal love and gratitude to all of you who have hugged me and comforted me with your words of support over the past four and a half years during our journey with my Father.
Most of you I have never met, but your warmth, concern, sincerity and caring words always came through and scooped me up as if you were, making me feel so very comforted. On behalf of myself and my family, I want to say thank you all so very much from the bottom of my heart....
Sunday, September 1, 2013
A Productive, Busy, Family Week... Dad's Final Plans Made.
I drove to California Wednesday, August 21st so Mom and I could pick up Dad's belongings from the nursing home. When we arrived we were surrounded by tearful staff members sharing condolences and giving us warm, loving hugs. Mom and I were there over two hours. We were so touched by their outpouring of genuine love and loss for Dad.
Another testament to the quality of this nursing home, none of Dad's possession were missing. I just cannot express how very blessed we were when I found this particular nursing home. I think of it so highly, if I would ever need a nursing home, I would want to go there!
Thursday Mom and I filled out the pre-arranged paperwork for Dad's cremation with Neptune Society and took the forms in Friday morning. I cannot stress enough how important it is to make final arrangements prior to your loved one's death...it made the whole process just fall into place.
Friday night, all the siblings, Mom and I met at my brother K_____'s home for a BBQ. We all agreed we felt we were in a mental fog and knew some good food and laughter would clear our minds...
After a delicious meal of hamburgers, hot dogs, corn on the cob, cabbage salad, baked beans and my sister's yummy chocolate eclair cake for dessert; we sat around and talked. K's daughter, presented Mom with a framed collage she made from some of the family pictures of Mom and Dad before and after their wedding. She also included pictures of us as a family, when we were all small and all living in the family home, Brutus - Dad's precious dog, Dad in his Magician's top hat and cape....lots of memories and conversations were sparked from those wonderful photos...
My brother E___ had interviewed Dad and Mom back in 2001 when he was doing some family genealogy. He found the tape and brought it over along with his tape deck so we all could hear it.
My brother put the tape in and everyone gathered in the family room, lying on the floor, sitting on chairs and couches, some of us leaning against one another. As he pushed play, I noticed my brother S___ was lying on his back on the floor with his arms folded behind his head. He had a smile on his face and his eyes closed. Looking around the room I felt "home-cozy", so comfortable and full of peace being with my family, sharing this moment in time together.
It was good to hear Dad's voice when it was strong and full. As I heard him speak, I remembered a speech pattern he used to have before going into the nursing home. He would get so involved in telling a story, his mouth would fill with too much saliva, so he would have to swallow, but in doing so, he kind of make a slight slurp sound as he swallowed as he continued on with his story. I enjoyed hearing it again...
We all learned something new about Dad, and would turn off the tape to discuss it, or laugh at something, or rewind and listen again because we were all laughing or commenting to something he had said...
Dad told of being held back a year in school because of a "prank" he played at school...Dad had decided to ditch school, but before he faked being sick (so he would be sent home), he put a smoke bomb and a huge chunk of Limburger cheese up inside the school's duct work.
Dad lived up on a bluff above the school, so after he arrived home, he positioned himself at the big window over looking the valley below and watched the smoke bellowing out of the school as teachers and students alike, ran from the school building holding their noses.... Yep, he got in big trouble for that stunt!
My grand father, his Dad, was away a lot, traveling. Grandpa and my Uncle were inventors. Dad and his sisters were cared for during the day by the family help. Grandpa frequently ordered large blocks of Limburger cheese to put on crackers and some thick syrup goop for his pancakes called "sorghum molasses."
Dad brought up the time when he played with matches behind a stuffed arm chair and set himself on fire when he was three years old. His Mother and the ironing lady put out the flames with a red Oriental rug. He made sure we all heard that story so we would learn not to play with fire...
It was midnight by the time we finished with Dad's portion of the interview. We had not had time to listen to Mom's, so we will save it for the next family gathering, this Saturday.
We talked earlier before listening to the tape on what we wanted to do for Dad's service. We all agreed we wanted the service private...only family...and family would include the staff at the nursing home, as well as the hospice staff, because the quality of care and concern they gave Dad.
I mentioned to the family that the nursing home planned on doing the Alzheimer's Walk November 2, 2013 in Huntington Beach and wanted to know if we would like to join them. Everyone thought it would be a great way to honor what would have been Dad's 93rd birthday month... My sister, niece and oldest daughter volunteered to co-ordinate the Walk...
I also shared with everyone, how the Activity's Director at the Nursing home, also wanted to plant a garden in the corner of the courtyard at the nursing home and call it Don's Garden. Everyone agreed is was a perfect idea and how much Dad would have been so pleased. When Dad first came to the nursing home, he helped the Activity Director plant window boxes with bright cheery flowers.
We talked of doing a family BBQ at Mom's house, using Dad's BBQ and playing horse shoes...one of Dad's favorite games. One of the brothers suggested we all wear Bermuda shorts, white tube socks with sandals, Hawaiian shirts and straw hats to salute Dad's unique style of attire at most family outings...and everyone loved that idea!
I was elected to check with Riverside National Cemetery (RNC) to see what was involved so Dad could have a Military Ceremony. We felt his service during WWII as a US Marine fighting in the Battle of Tarawa in the Gilbert Islands deserved such an honorable final resting place. We hoped we could have the service in the morning on Saturday, September 7, and then the BBQ that afternoon...
Over the weekend, I discovered RNC does not do services on the weekends, only Monday through Friday, but first I had to contact head quarters back in St. Louis, Missouri to determine Dad's eligibility by sending his Discharge paperwork. After obtaining a case number of approval, I could contact RNC and schedule a service. After I had the date, I could contact the US Marines to schedule an Honors ceremony.
By Monday morning I had emailed Dad's necessary paperwork to St. Louis and secured a case number from RNC. I was given the date of Friday, September 6, 2013 at 1pm for Dad's Military service. Dad's remains will be interred in the Columbarium at RNC because Dad did not want to be buried.
I had attempted to schedule the Honors ceremony, but was told I was "too early. I was instructed to call Thursday morning, which was the day I planned to return to Nevada.
Mom and I picked up Dad's remains on Wednesday, August 28th and brought them back home. We cannot praise Neptune Society enough for their efficiency, compassion, excellent customer service and the kindness they bestowed on Mom and I when we first brought in the signed pre-arranged paperwork for Dad's cremation and again when we picked up the remains. We would highly recommend their services.
All the work Mom and I did organizing Dad's paperwork, Mom making pre-arranged plans with Neptune Society (after attending a lecture by Barbara Karnes RN), and organizing all the family photos really made our job so much easier last week.
I helped Mom with some house hold things, one goal was to find Mom a house keeper. Mom, my sister in law and their house cleaner, met to give Mom an estimate to clean her home. At 86, Mom just can't clean and bend like she used to and she deserves to have someone come in and clean the house for her. Mom has never had anyone clean besides our family, so this was a big deal for Mom.
I told Mom just as the Alzheimer's Support Group has helped her emotionally and mentally, the cleaning lady would help so much physically and mentally too. She likes the idea of freeing up her time to read, do cross stitch Christmas Stockings for all the new babies born and on their way, as well as have more time to lunch and do fun things with her friends.
Mom has decided to stay in her Support Group because she feels she would give people hope who are just beginning their journey with their loved ones and Alzheimer's.
My sister in law and brother K____ told Mom they would take her out to Mathis Brothers in Ontario so Mom could select a new couch, love seat, and a couple of comfortable easy chairs. When my other niece who was living with Mom, got married and moved out, she took her couch with her...so Mom needs some more furniture.
Thursday morning, I called the Marines and scheduled the Honors ceremony for Dad and emailed them Dad's discharge paperwork as well. I was told we would have three Marines on deck, one to play taps, two to fold and present the flag to Mom. I asked for full honors which would be a 21 gun salute, but the Marine I spoke with told me I would get a phone call about that, depending on how many Marines would be available...
On my way home, I received a call from a Sargent with the Marines. I was told there would now be 11 Marines on deck to provide my Father with full honors. Eight additional Marines will each fire three rounds to honor Dad's service for our country in a 21 Gun Salute. I could not help it...I burst into tears. This means everything to our family and this Marine just made my day!!
Mom had told me one of her friends had asked for the gun casings to save for the grand children, so I asked if that would be possible to save them for ours. He told me he would work it out and present them to Mom along with the American flag.
My husband and I will leave this Thursday and stay over night in Riverside at a friend's home who lives ten minutes from Riverside National Cemetery. I want to arrive an hour early to deliver Dad's urn, the flag, the burial permit and to fill out the monument paperwork.
Dad's plaque will have a Christian Cross, his name, Corporal, USMC, WWII, Date of birth, Date of Death, and the inscription: Loving Family Man - Semper Fi.
Saturday, September 7th we will all gather at my brother K____ and his wife T____ home, once again generously providing a safe and happy place to reminisce, laugh, eat and enjoy precious time with our family.
My husband and I will spend Friday and Saturday night with my youngest daughter and her new husband in Lake Elsinore and then Sunday with my oldest daughter's family in Beaumont. We'll return to Nevada on Monday. I will post pictures of Dad's service upon my return....Hugs, blessings and love to you all...
Another testament to the quality of this nursing home, none of Dad's possession were missing. I just cannot express how very blessed we were when I found this particular nursing home. I think of it so highly, if I would ever need a nursing home, I would want to go there!
Thursday Mom and I filled out the pre-arranged paperwork for Dad's cremation with Neptune Society and took the forms in Friday morning. I cannot stress enough how important it is to make final arrangements prior to your loved one's death...it made the whole process just fall into place.
Friday night, all the siblings, Mom and I met at my brother K_____'s home for a BBQ. We all agreed we felt we were in a mental fog and knew some good food and laughter would clear our minds...
After a delicious meal of hamburgers, hot dogs, corn on the cob, cabbage salad, baked beans and my sister's yummy chocolate eclair cake for dessert; we sat around and talked. K's daughter, presented Mom with a framed collage she made from some of the family pictures of Mom and Dad before and after their wedding. She also included pictures of us as a family, when we were all small and all living in the family home, Brutus - Dad's precious dog, Dad in his Magician's top hat and cape....lots of memories and conversations were sparked from those wonderful photos...
My brother E___ had interviewed Dad and Mom back in 2001 when he was doing some family genealogy. He found the tape and brought it over along with his tape deck so we all could hear it.
My brother put the tape in and everyone gathered in the family room, lying on the floor, sitting on chairs and couches, some of us leaning against one another. As he pushed play, I noticed my brother S___ was lying on his back on the floor with his arms folded behind his head. He had a smile on his face and his eyes closed. Looking around the room I felt "home-cozy", so comfortable and full of peace being with my family, sharing this moment in time together.
It was good to hear Dad's voice when it was strong and full. As I heard him speak, I remembered a speech pattern he used to have before going into the nursing home. He would get so involved in telling a story, his mouth would fill with too much saliva, so he would have to swallow, but in doing so, he kind of make a slight slurp sound as he swallowed as he continued on with his story. I enjoyed hearing it again...
We all learned something new about Dad, and would turn off the tape to discuss it, or laugh at something, or rewind and listen again because we were all laughing or commenting to something he had said...
Dad told of being held back a year in school because of a "prank" he played at school...Dad had decided to ditch school, but before he faked being sick (so he would be sent home), he put a smoke bomb and a huge chunk of Limburger cheese up inside the school's duct work.
Dad lived up on a bluff above the school, so after he arrived home, he positioned himself at the big window over looking the valley below and watched the smoke bellowing out of the school as teachers and students alike, ran from the school building holding their noses.... Yep, he got in big trouble for that stunt!
My grand father, his Dad, was away a lot, traveling. Grandpa and my Uncle were inventors. Dad and his sisters were cared for during the day by the family help. Grandpa frequently ordered large blocks of Limburger cheese to put on crackers and some thick syrup goop for his pancakes called "sorghum molasses."
Dad brought up the time when he played with matches behind a stuffed arm chair and set himself on fire when he was three years old. His Mother and the ironing lady put out the flames with a red Oriental rug. He made sure we all heard that story so we would learn not to play with fire...
We talked earlier before listening to the tape on what we wanted to do for Dad's service. We all agreed we wanted the service private...only family...and family would include the staff at the nursing home, as well as the hospice staff, because the quality of care and concern they gave Dad.
I mentioned to the family that the nursing home planned on doing the Alzheimer's Walk November 2, 2013 in Huntington Beach and wanted to know if we would like to join them. Everyone thought it would be a great way to honor what would have been Dad's 93rd birthday month... My sister, niece and oldest daughter volunteered to co-ordinate the Walk...
I also shared with everyone, how the Activity's Director at the Nursing home, also wanted to plant a garden in the corner of the courtyard at the nursing home and call it Don's Garden. Everyone agreed is was a perfect idea and how much Dad would have been so pleased. When Dad first came to the nursing home, he helped the Activity Director plant window boxes with bright cheery flowers.
We talked of doing a family BBQ at Mom's house, using Dad's BBQ and playing horse shoes...one of Dad's favorite games. One of the brothers suggested we all wear Bermuda shorts, white tube socks with sandals, Hawaiian shirts and straw hats to salute Dad's unique style of attire at most family outings...and everyone loved that idea!
I was elected to check with Riverside National Cemetery (RNC) to see what was involved so Dad could have a Military Ceremony. We felt his service during WWII as a US Marine fighting in the Battle of Tarawa in the Gilbert Islands deserved such an honorable final resting place. We hoped we could have the service in the morning on Saturday, September 7, and then the BBQ that afternoon...
Over the weekend, I discovered RNC does not do services on the weekends, only Monday through Friday, but first I had to contact head quarters back in St. Louis, Missouri to determine Dad's eligibility by sending his Discharge paperwork. After obtaining a case number of approval, I could contact RNC and schedule a service. After I had the date, I could contact the US Marines to schedule an Honors ceremony.
By Monday morning I had emailed Dad's necessary paperwork to St. Louis and secured a case number from RNC. I was given the date of Friday, September 6, 2013 at 1pm for Dad's Military service. Dad's remains will be interred in the Columbarium at RNC because Dad did not want to be buried.
I had attempted to schedule the Honors ceremony, but was told I was "too early. I was instructed to call Thursday morning, which was the day I planned to return to Nevada.
Mom and I picked up Dad's remains on Wednesday, August 28th and brought them back home. We cannot praise Neptune Society enough for their efficiency, compassion, excellent customer service and the kindness they bestowed on Mom and I when we first brought in the signed pre-arranged paperwork for Dad's cremation and again when we picked up the remains. We would highly recommend their services.
All the work Mom and I did organizing Dad's paperwork, Mom making pre-arranged plans with Neptune Society (after attending a lecture by Barbara Karnes RN), and organizing all the family photos really made our job so much easier last week.
I helped Mom with some house hold things, one goal was to find Mom a house keeper. Mom, my sister in law and their house cleaner, met to give Mom an estimate to clean her home. At 86, Mom just can't clean and bend like she used to and she deserves to have someone come in and clean the house for her. Mom has never had anyone clean besides our family, so this was a big deal for Mom.
I told Mom just as the Alzheimer's Support Group has helped her emotionally and mentally, the cleaning lady would help so much physically and mentally too. She likes the idea of freeing up her time to read, do cross stitch Christmas Stockings for all the new babies born and on their way, as well as have more time to lunch and do fun things with her friends.
Mom has decided to stay in her Support Group because she feels she would give people hope who are just beginning their journey with their loved ones and Alzheimer's.
My sister in law and brother K____ told Mom they would take her out to Mathis Brothers in Ontario so Mom could select a new couch, love seat, and a couple of comfortable easy chairs. When my other niece who was living with Mom, got married and moved out, she took her couch with her...so Mom needs some more furniture.
Thursday morning, I called the Marines and scheduled the Honors ceremony for Dad and emailed them Dad's discharge paperwork as well. I was told we would have three Marines on deck, one to play taps, two to fold and present the flag to Mom. I asked for full honors which would be a 21 gun salute, but the Marine I spoke with told me I would get a phone call about that, depending on how many Marines would be available...
On my way home, I received a call from a Sargent with the Marines. I was told there would now be 11 Marines on deck to provide my Father with full honors. Eight additional Marines will each fire three rounds to honor Dad's service for our country in a 21 Gun Salute. I could not help it...I burst into tears. This means everything to our family and this Marine just made my day!!
Mom had told me one of her friends had asked for the gun casings to save for the grand children, so I asked if that would be possible to save them for ours. He told me he would work it out and present them to Mom along with the American flag.
My husband and I will leave this Thursday and stay over night in Riverside at a friend's home who lives ten minutes from Riverside National Cemetery. I want to arrive an hour early to deliver Dad's urn, the flag, the burial permit and to fill out the monument paperwork.
Dad's plaque will have a Christian Cross, his name, Corporal, USMC, WWII, Date of birth, Date of Death, and the inscription: Loving Family Man - Semper Fi.
Saturday, September 7th we will all gather at my brother K____ and his wife T____ home, once again generously providing a safe and happy place to reminisce, laugh, eat and enjoy precious time with our family.
My husband and I will spend Friday and Saturday night with my youngest daughter and her new husband in Lake Elsinore and then Sunday with my oldest daughter's family in Beaumont. We'll return to Nevada on Monday. I will post pictures of Dad's service upon my return....Hugs, blessings and love to you all...
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