Newlywed Flashbacks...

This picture of Dad and Mom was taken in Bremerton, WA, August 5, 1945, the day after their wedding in front of the Enetai Inn where his parents and sisters stayed when they drove up for Dad and Mom's wedding.  Mom and Dad are leaning up against Dad's Father's car.  Dad and Mom did not own a car at the time and got around through public transportation.

Talk about a good looking couple...so in love.  They knew one another seven months and their marriage lasted 68 years and two weeks.  Not bad....

A Tribute To a Marine....

Dad, 1943

A dear family friend and fellow Marine, posted this tribute to my Dad on his facebook page yesterday. Our friend Guy had come for dinner at Mom and Dad's house several years ago...  He asked Dad where he served.  When Dad told him he fought in the Battle of Tarawa, Guy stood up from his chair and saluted Dad. After dinner and further discussions and sharing, Dad presented his white belt from Dad's dress blues to Guy, which remains an honored gift displayed in his home to this day.

Here is Guy's tribute:

"An American hero and close family friend passed away peacefully in his sleep this morning.  Don H_____ was part of the third wave to land at Betio Atoll in November 1943 during the Battle of Tarawa. 

He and survivors of his landing craft, which had foundered on the sharp coral reef that was exposed by lower than expected tides, dragged a 40-millimeter anti-aircraft gun ashore.  Many Marines were shot by the defending Japanese before they even made it ashore, some drowned under the weight of their gear, but a few, like Don, made it to the relative safety of a sea wall.  He survived four days of grenade attacks, banzai charges, and incessant small arms and artillery fire to advance the equivalent of six football fields before it was all over.  That made him a veteran....  

Coming home, marrying Lynn H____, getting a job, raising his kids, paying his taxes and living another 69 years with the nightmares and scars of war made him a hero.  Farewell, old friend...and Semper Fidelis."

The Heavenly Chariot has come...

This morning, at 9am, the Heavenly Chariot came for my Dad and took him to Heaven....

I really have no further words except to thank you all for being so supportive and loving these past four years and one month since Dad went into the nursing home...you all will stay in my heart forever.  I have to pack and get myself to California to be with my Mom, brothers and my sister.

I will write more later...

Thank you so much.

We Feel it coming...

Today the Hospice CNA called Mom and told her Dad had asked for her.  He told Mom he felt Dad was in pain and may need Morphine, and let her know he was also calling the Hospice nurse.  Dad had refused to eat and coughed when he would try.  He had been on mechanically soft diet, but yesterday, hospice ordered a pureed diet so Dad would not aspirate anything...

Dad still refused to eat and coughed while drinking water or liquids...

Mom called me and went down to see Dad.  When she arrived, the hospice CNA had just got Dad out of the shower and the wound nurse was dressing his cancerous foot.

Dad sat in his wheel chair, slumped over sleeping.  One of the nurses gently rubbed his shoulders and told him Mom was there....Dad lifted up his head, opened his one good eye, looked at Mom and closed his eye again and went back to sleep.  Either he was too tired or forgot whatever it was he wanted to say to her...

Mom stayed awhile to see if Dad would talk with her, but he never did, so she went home.  She told me Dad looked horrible...so much more gaunt and weak than the last time she saw him...

I called the nursing home but they were passing out lunch and asked me to call back.

I had been out all day with a friend.  We had been using my GPS on my phone to find a jewelry lady my friend was going to have fix some broken jewelry for her.  My phone was dead so I had to wait until I got back and could plug my phone into my car charger to call the nursing home.

I called and spoke with the nursing home supervisor and she told me Dad had been having such a difficult time eating and drinking.  Dad had refused dinner and only drank an Ensure.  She told me they called the Hospice nurse to come tomorrow to re-evaluate when I asked about Dad being in pain and did he need stronger pain medication.

I will talk with the hospice nurse in the morning...

Out of Left Field...

Mom went to visit Dad Saturday, August 10th.  She found him all freshly shaved, showered, hair combed and spiffy sitting in his wheel chair.  His Hospice CNA had given him his shower and told Mom Dad was doing pretty good.  He suggested she get Dad some mouthwash since Dad battles anyone and everyone who attempts to brush his teeth.  (Dad would have to be supervised with the mouthwash so he would not drink it or choke when and if he can still gargle...)

"You look really pretty, " Dad told Mom....she thanked him.

Dad mumbled something she could not understand....and asked him to repeat what he said...

"KU KLUX KLAN!!" Dad roared...as if he was dumbfounded Mom did not understand...slumped over and closed his eyes....(Talk about out of left field!)

Mom was so embarrassed and shocked at what Dad said, she pretended she understood and changed the subject....She told the Hospice CNA what Dad said and he was just as perplexed....so who knows where that came from...unless he saw something on TV.

The wound care nurse was busy, so the Hospice CNA had just covered Dad's foot with a bath hand towel so Dad did not have to see it.  Mom asked about the towel and the wound care nurse told Mom she would dress it after Dad had his lunch.

Mom wheeled Dad into the lunch room and found him a table near the window near his usual lunch friends...  She decided she would feed Dad and see how much he was eating.

Dad ate about 95% of his cubed beets (which Dad loves), most of his mashed potatoes and gravy, all of his custard and ice cream and about 25% of his meat loaf and gravy.  Dad reached for his milk, so Mom attempted to hold on to it and give him slow sips, but Dad insisted, grabbing it and growling at Mom, so she relented and let him gulp it down...choking all the way.  Same thing with his coffee.

Mom looked over at the Hospice CNA and he came to Dad and offered Dad some water....same thing...Dad choked on that too.  The choking pretty much exhausted Dad and he told Mom and the CNA he was tired and wanted to take a nap...

Mom wheeled Dad back to his room and then the CNA appeared telling Mom he would get the wound care nurse to dress Dad's foot and he would get Dad ready for bed.

Mom kissed Dad and told him she would see him later... Dad had his eyes closed and did not respond....either he was already asleep or didn't hear her...

Emotionally spent, Mom drove home.  As she pulled into the garage and stepped out of her car, my brother K_______ and his wife pulled in the driveway bearing gifts....they had brought her some chicken pot pies and a big pack of batteries to change her smoke and carbon dioxide alarms.

Company....just in the nick of time...

It's Time to Wait and Pray...

I spoke with the nursing home yesterday to make sure Dad got on the list to have his hair trimmed and his facial hairs removed and mustache trimmed.  Dad has always been meticulous in his grooming.  When his mustache is not trimmed neatly, he continually has his tongue patrolling the edges and I know it bugs him...

While on the phone, his caregiver told me Dad was weighed on Sunday and he has lost 6 pounds this past month.  He now weighs 113.

We discussed Mom and my sister's observations when Dad ate his lunch on their last visit and how it seemed it was such work for Dad to chew his food.  They also commented on his choking while drinking.  The male caregiver agreed and told me he noticed Dad choking too when he drank.

In the later stages of this disease, it is quite common to start having difficulties swallowing.  Patients actually forget how to drink, swallow, eat, they keep their eyes closed, talk less, want to sleep more and  eventually don't want to eat.  We all feel this is where Dad is now.

He asked me if we would like Dad's food ground up for him.  I told him I would email the family and get a vote.  I emailed everyone and all agreed we should try it.

This morning I received my weekly text from the Hospice nurse, sending me pictures of the cancerous growth on his foot (which continues to grow) and Dad's vitals.  97% oxygen, 115/75 blood pressure, resting pulse rate 17, heart rate 89 and temperature 97.4.  No complaints of pain, no grimacing, no moaning, sleepy, appetite this morning 80% in eating his breakfast and weight as of 8-4-13, 113.

I text her back giving her permission to have the Dietitian grind up Dad's food, but we feel if it is not appetizing and tasting good, Dad may refuse to eat it.  I really am not too worried as the Dietitian there is an excellent and creative cook.  We all drool over his food and it always smells and looks delicious.

We all have been talking to one another or to Mom and it seems everyone is at peace with their relationship with Dad.  We all want to make sure everyone is OK because we all know what is coming...It's time to wait and pray....

Being Grateful For the Time We Have...

Mom and my sister Holly went to visit Dad today.  They arrived to find Dad dressed and slumped over sleeping in his wheelchair...

Dad 8-3-13

His right eye was crusty but his skin looked much better than when Mom saw him last week. He needs a hair cut, a shave, eyebrow/ear and mustache trim but he was dressed nicely with his hair combed (I will call on Tuesday to make sure Dad sees the Barber on Wednesday ).  Dad has been uncooperative with the staff for showering and grooming.  Most of the time he wants to be left alone to sleep. Dad has been so tired and weak.  We are so grateful to see him dressed and not curled up in a fetal position in his bed.  He is very thin and gaunt as you can see.  

Dad kept his eyes closed and appeared very sleepy.  Mom and Holly attempted to share family news and visit, but Dad was not up to conversation.  He offered a faint "yes" or "no" but not much more.

They wheeled him outside on the front patio to enjoy the sun on his back.  He loves being outside and in the warmth of the sun but seemed to dose off most of the time sitting outside with them.  After about 15 minutes, he wanted to go inside, which was just about time for lunch. 

Holly wheeled Dad back to the lunch room, but had to park him to the side of the table rather than up to the table due to his cancerous growth on his foot.   Dad sat like he is in the picture above in between bites when Mom fed him.  Mom and Holly admired Dad's delicious smelling lunch of Chinese chicken with cabbage, carrots, mushrooms, hard Chinese crispy noodles, celery on a bed of rice, bread and butter, a banana, ice cream, milk and coffee. They both noticed Dad's chewing was slower as if he barely had the energy to eat.  He ate most of the chicken, ice cream of course, some of the banana and a bite or two of his bread.  He coughed and choked as he drank his milk and coffee through a straw.

Mom asked his caregiver to please make sure and offer Dad water to drink because Dad will not ask for it himself...but we are starting to see the coughing and choking may be another sign of the ladder stages of Alzheimer's, when he will forget or become too weak to eat or swallow. Drinking and coordinating swallowing while drinking is a common, every day occurrence we take for granted, yet is becoming an  exhausting ordeal for Dad.

My sister had a very difficult time, crying softly.  We all have shared how emotionally draining and sad our visits with Dad are now.  Mom is the pillar of strength for all of us.  We all are stronger when we gather together.

Both Mom and my sister apologized in their emails to us for the depressing report of their visit; but we all have noticed how Dad is fading away.  He gets weaker each time we see him.

Dad's Hospice CNA cares so much for Dad.  He is the one we all hugged on Father's Day when he told us he saves Dad for the weekend after a difficult week because Dad is such a joy and such a sweet gentleman.

In talking with Mom, the Hospice CNA was so relieved our family is all on the same page as far as not forcing food on Dad when he no longer wants to eat.  Mom shared how Barbara Karnes has helped her and our family deal with the ravages of this disease and prepare for the final stages of it...

He told her how good it was to hear because so many families force feed out of ignorance or guilt and don't seek out help or educate themselves for an easier transition for themselves and the loved one...

He told Mom he was amazed how Dad has all the cancers Dad has and never complains of any pain. He assured Mom Hospice will never allow Dad to feel any pain.  We also know the nursing home keeps a protective eye on Dad as well.

We all feel Dad is shutting down and cling to any positives we can share at this point....  We all know time is of the essence to take the time we need with Dad because we doubt he will make it to his 93rd birthday in November.

Tomorrow Mom and Dad will be married sixty-eight years...

Dental Hygiene and Dementia...

I read an article yesterday in our daily newspaper, The Las Vegas Review-Journal by Kristen Hallam.  In the article, Hallam states British researchers in London have determined poor dental hygiene is being linked to Alzheimer's.

A bacterium called Porphyromonas gingivalis were found in four out of ten samples of brain tissue taken from Alzheimer's  patients, while no signs of the disease were found in brains of ten other people of similar age who did not have Alzheimer's; according to their article in the Journal of Alzheimer's Disease.

The results supported the findings of the the bacteria in the mouth enters the bloodstream through chewing or having a tooth removed and travels to other parts of the body, including the brain. After long periods of time, the build up is believed to contribute to the cause of Alzheimer's, heart disease and some forms of cancer.

The obvious goal is to improve on one's dental hygiene and to prevent the build up of bacteria causing gum disease.  Alzheimer's affect the elderly, but some studies show earlier onset of the disease on younger people in their fifties.

"The World Health Organization predicted dementia cases would triple to 115 million in 2050 from 36 million worldwide in 2010."

********

My Dad should have had his teeth cleaned every 3 or 4 months because of the unusually heavy tartar his body produced in his mouth.  I too inherited this heavy tartar, but have my teeth cleaned regularly every six months and am phobic about flossing and brushing my teeth with my trusty Phillips sonicare electric toothbrush.

Dad always used a regular toothbrush and Close Up Cinnamon flavored toothpaste.  I used to work in a dental office as an assistant and oral health consultant.  I urged Dad to floss and bought him floss and discussed the importance of new toothbrushes and electric teeth brushes.  Dad always wanted to things "old school" and "natural" so he would occasionally use baking soda and water.

I had read about the dental hygiene factor before and remember thinking of Dad at that particular time....

At this point, it is too late for my Dad...but those of you going through the early signs of dementia with a loved one, may take extra measures to insure their dental hygiene.  Personally, I think everyone could benefit from better dental hygiene, but that is just my opinion.