Updates, Another Trip to California, a Difficult Visit and Decision for Dad's Care Conference...

I arrived in California last Wednesday (May 15th) and spent two days with my oldest daughter in Beaumont. My oldest grand son (the 10 year old) did a report on Mickey Mantle.  As part of his report, he was to dress as the person he wrote about and stand like a statue in front of his display.  He had a button which we all had to push and then my grand son would begin to recite his report.  He had 17 people push his button.  We all enjoyed all the individual and interesting reports his class mates selected as well.

I helped my daughter prepare and make decorations for my younger daughter Jodee's Bridal shower on May 19th, held and talked with my newest grandson, Baby G as well as his brothers... (My oldest daughter is very protective of her boys, so again, she is my disclaimer as she will not allow me to put any pictures or mention the names of the 10 year old, the 8 year old or the newest, Baby G.)

Friday I drove to Mom's home and spent the night.  We had visits from two of my brothers, which ended up being a really fun time filled with laughter as we looked through the family pictures Mom and I were sorting through.

Saturday morning, Mom and I drove to Claremont to meet my sister Holly for a delayed Birthday and Mother's Day celebration. We enjoyed a relaxing breakfast at Walter's restaurant in the Village, then did some thrift store and other shopping before a nice lunch at Chili's in Glendora where we also saw the movie The  Big Wedding, which was a HUGE disappointment and I would NOT RECOMMEND it.

Since twisting my ankle last November, I can no longer wear flip flops.  I found some really comfortable shoes by Sketcher's called GO WALKS, which are a slip on tennis shoe.  VERY COMFORTABLE.  I bought them at Kohl's and told both Mom and Holly about them.  Mom hates to shop, so she usually waits in the car while my sister and I shopped.  We decided to buy Mom a pair and split the cost.  We had Mom try them on in the parking lot...and she LOVED THEM!  Happy Mother's Day Mom!!!

Sunday, my sister, my nephew's wife (Mother of my sister's FIRST GRAND SON), several of my daughter's friends, Mom and I attended my youngest daughter's Bridal shower.  She looked beautiful and we all had a great time. The highlight was my oldest daughter asking my youngest daughter questions asked to my daughter's fiancé.  For every wrong answer, Jodee had to shove a piece of Double-Bubble gum into her mouth, chew it and continue to answer questions.  Thankfully, for her, she answered 10 right out of 15...and technically, four of the five were right, but the girlfriend holding the bubble gum was very motivated to keep sticking it into her mouth...  My oldest daughter did a magnificent job of decorating as well as baking all the yummy goodies. It was a fun shower.

The rest of my visit I stayed with Mom, finishing our "photo project" sorting through all the family photos.  We had so many, we decided to make a big envelope for each kid in the family.  Now Mom has all the family photos all organized and in labeled photo boxes.  I did some cleaning and more de-cluttering so Mom can get the carpets cleaned, buy a new living room set and hire a cleaning lady.

Last Monday I called and made reservations for our favorite hotel in Laguna to stay in January for three nights.  Mom, my daughter Jodee, my sister Holly and I are going.  My older daughter Holly may join us for a day.  We used to go every year, but have not gone for the past three or four years.

This past Tuesday, May 21, 2013, was my Dad's Care Conference.  Mom usually attends alone with me attending via the telephone.  It turned out to be my turn for a depressing visit...  I was very emotional and Mom was forced to be the strong one...

Mom and I found Dad parked in his wheel chair against the wall, slumped over with both his eyes closed.  His hair was combed nicely, his hands were "lubed up" (due to his dry skin) and he wore a nice, soft, baby blue jogging suit with a beige t-shirt.  He looked frail, thin and gaunt.

 I went over to him and gently put my hand on his shoulder and greeted him with my pet name for him, "Papa-Doots".... no response...

I shook his shoulder softly and called to him again.  Very softly, so low I could barely hear what he was saying, he shook his head in disagreement...

Shaken, I went back over to where Mom had been standing, talking with one of the care givers.  Doctor-Doctor walked up wheeling another patient and gave us both hugs.  She stopped and looked around the corner and said something to another nurse who went over and bent over talking to Dad....

I watched and did not see him responding to her either.  Mom and I decided we would wheel him outside thinking it was too noisy for him to hear...

After wheeling him outside, he opened one eye and responded warmly to Mom...calling her "Lynnie, his wife..."  He told her how beautiful she looked and how happy she looked.  Mom told Dad I was there...

I sat in front of Dad on his "good ear" side, and greeted him again...his clasped hands never left his lap, he smiled and greeted me, calling me Donna...but did not reach out for a hug as he usually does.  I did not feel he knew who I was...I brought my camera and took pictures...

We asked if the sun felt good on his back and he said it did.  Mom asked if he would like his sunglasses and left to go check his room for He had not had a morning shave and his eyebrows and mustache needed trimming...

I asked how he felt...."Fine...I feel just fine..."

I asked if his teeth hurt..."No, I grit my teeth hard to keep them strong....I am afraid of losing them." 

I watched as he gritted his teeth and made a mental note to ask the Social Worker at the nursing home to schedule Dad for a teeth cleaning...

I asked if his foot hurt..."No, it feels fine..."

I asked if his right eye hurt...."Yes, it hurts all the time..... I close my eyes and pretend I am blind so it makes me feel more comfortable..."

I was on the verge of tears anyway, so this pushed me over the edge and I began softly crying because I did not want him to hear...and thankfully, he kept his eyes closed so he could not see me...

All I could manage was, I love you Dad...

"I love you too Donna..."

I sat and memorized his face, as I often do on my visits...never taking for granted the fact it could be the last time I see him...The skin cancer on his upper lip looks like an open sore.  It makes it difficult for the care givers to shave around it, so they are allowing him to have a mustache.  Dad has always been meticulous in his grooming...so his tongue was constantly patrolling the edge of his mustache which was a bit un-even and needed a little trimming....

I asked Dad about his breakfast and he responded by telling me he did not eat that much...(although his male nurse told us he ate everything...)

Mom reappeared and announced she could not find his sunglasses.... (Mom and I have been de-cluttering and cleaning her home and found a couple of pairs...so Mom will bring them next visit...)

Mom saw how upset I was, so she chatted with Dad about family news in a cheerful and animated voice.... Dad enjoyed it...smiling....but still talking very softly...Dad kept yawning, opening his mouth to the biggest, longest yawns....We asked if he was tired and he told us he wasn't...

In between lulls in the conversation, Dad would announce random fears.... "I'm afraid the moon will fall on me... When I fly high in the sky, I am afraid to touch the moon...."

Mom skillfully changed the subject and told Dad she would soon be 86 in June...

"That's old...", Dad announced.  Both Mom and I chuckled.

I told Dad I would be 66 in June....no comment by Dad...although I thought I detected a rise in his bushy eyebrows...

Mom asked Dad how old he would be...."Around 95" he stated... Mom reminded Dad he would be 93 in November.

"I'll take it." Dad smiled...

Mom asked how many children they shared....

"Five kids?"  Mom corrected him again and told him they had six....and went on to inform him they had 12 grand kids and 5 great grand kids.

"Babies make me happy..." Dad sighed.  Mom smiled, telling him how good he always was with all the children and grand children...

"I like horses soft noses..." Dad announced, changing the subject... I agreed with him on how soft horses noses were and how much we used to enjoy feeding the horses, and how their soft lips would tickle the palm of our hands as their lips would feel and search for the apples and carrots we would feed them.  (I had a roan gelding quarter horse when I was a teenager and Dad and I would go up to the stables where we boarded "Rusty" and feed him.)

"I like riding horses....but I am afraid to fall off..."

I told Dad if he pretended or dreamed of riding horses, he would never fall off....

Dad exploded into a laugh-cough and told me, "That's right!"

"I like swimming in the Don River..."  (We think this is a river Dad used to swim in in Connecticut...)

Mom complimented Dad on his swimming and how good of a swimmer he was...

"You used to like to swim too..." (meaning Mom)  Mom quickly reminded him she did not swim (and still does not to this day)....

"Grandpa Watt loved to swim too...he LOVED the cold water.  He used to take ice baths to prepare him to swim in the North Sea..."  (in Ireland).

Mom and I agreed....Dad tells the story of his grand father a lot....

"I'm afraid of cold water....I don't like it..."

I told Dad not to worry...we'd make sure the water was nice for swimming...

"I don't worry anymore...."  (Dad's mouth opened in a huge yawn, wide enough to see the back of his throat...)

Both of us told Dad we were glad to hear it...

"I always liked a lot of room....now I have it."

Mom and I looked at one another with questioned expressions...then shrugged and continued to listen to Dad...who continued to yawn like a garage door opening....

Mom pointed to her watch, indicating it was time for Dad's Care Conference...Mom leaned into Dad and told him we had an appointment so we would not have time to stay for lunch with him.  Dad told her it was OK....

At Dad's Care Conference, we were happy to have the newest Hospice nurse sitting in with the rest of us.  She has been excellent in keeping me informed of Dad's vitals, sending pictures of Dad's foot, following up on recent blood tests taken on Dad and updates on Dad's weight.

The nursing staff and wound care personnel for the nursing home have done an incredible job in keeping Dad's skin cancer growth on his toe, from infection over the past four years...but it is beginning to get a slight odor.  The doctor ordered a blood test and Dad's WBC has been steadily rising from 19.3 to 23.8.  Dad's doctor has had Dad on antibiotics and antibiotic cream for ten days at a time, then repeats the blood test.  Dad is due for another blood test May 26th or 27th when the ten days of antibiotics is complete.

Dad weighs 125.  His weight continues to go down, despite his appetite.

We reviewed Dad's Advance Directives... Our family has been discussing Dad's foot and have decided rather than amputating Dad's foot (if the infection should lead to it) we have decided allowing the infection to take him, keeping him medicated so he would not feel any pain, would be the most humane.  All the staff agreed it was much better than putting him through surgery.

Dad is being given Tylenol 500mg every 12 hours.  I asked the staff to monitor him closely and to consider giving him it more often with the possibility of giving him something stronger if indicated as Dad may not be able to articulate he is in pain... The Hospice nurse said she would follow up with Dad's doctor.

Dad has very poor circulation in his legs which adds to the difficulty is treating the skin cancer on his baby toe.  In the past, Dad's doctor has said if we did amputate, it would have to be taken above his knee due to the poor circulation.  Dad's doctor has been doing weekly Cryotherapy treatments to prevent the growth from getting too big.

Mom shared how much Barbara Karnes, a popular speaker, Author and Hospice Nurse, had helped her make difficult decisions for both herself and Dad.  Mom has contacted the Neptune Society and arranged for both her and Dad's final arrangements.  Mom also shared how meeting and talking with Barbara Karnes had given her such peace, eliminating her fear of death and dying.

Mom, my husband and I had recently attended a lecture from Barbara Karnes in Pasadena, CA while in California for my niece's wedding the beginning of May.  We all really enjoyed it as well as meeting Barbara.  Several of the staff were unfamiliar with her, but the Hospice nurse opened her binder showing us two of Ms. Karnes' books.  (If interested, you can read her blog on link on top left column of my blog or read here.)

Several of the nurses and staff attending the Conference shared their personal stories in caring for their loved ones who had died.  It was very moving and emotional listening and sharing.  Two of the nurses had tears in their eyes when Mom and I shared the family decision...they genuinely care so much for Dad.  We feel they are an extension of our family. We have been so blessed to have found this particular nursing home... the level of care has been extraordinary.  The atmosphere is very homey and we have always commented on how the staff is always friendly and smiling...

After the Care Conference, Mom and grabbed some lunch "to go" and went to her Alzheimer's Support Group.  She has a wonderful group of women and men to rally around her along with  a compassionate and well informed Facilitator, who has become a dear friend.

I have been traveling back and forth between Nevada and California either alone or with my husband for various family events as well as visiting Dad since December, so my blogging as been few and far between.  This month I was in California twice.  Some days I don't know whether I am coming or going...

I have been commissioned to do an acrylic painting measuring 24" x 24".  It is to be delivered by the end of June, so next month, despite family high school, grammar school graduations and birthdays I am planning on staying home to complete the painting.