Pre-Memorial Day Visit...

Mom and my sister Holly went to visit Dad today....  Since the weather was windy and blustery, they wheeled Dad down to the reception area by the Grand piano and visited there.  The nurses had previously been attempting to clean Dad's eye and he would not allow them to, so it looked crusty, red and miserable...

My sister tested Dad's eye sight by asking if he could see out of it, which Dad told her he could.  She covered his other eye and checked and in deed he could.  Dad seemed much more alert this visit and was able to stay awake.  He insisted he was happy and felt good...

You can clearly see in the picture above he is happy...as long as they leave his eye alone...

Mom brought him some dental picks and a ' with large numbers.  Dad was THRILLED!

My sister shared with Dad that Mom had a skin cancer removed on her temple and showed Dad her "shiner" she was sporting from the surgery...  Dad had not noticed and apparently did not want to discuss it.  Dad does not like to think about or discuss negative things...

Dad was obsessed on a horse he had seen getting itself out of a ditch....Dad was so impressed and continually kept bringing it up to them...

At lunch time, they wheeled Dad back into the lunch room and seated him at a table with his good friend from the Navy...  They enjoyed a delicious lunch of Sloppy Joe burgers, baked beans, pears, lime jello, coffee and milk.  Doctor-Doctor brought him a plate of cottage cheese, grapes, watermelon and oranges.  Dad nearly finished it all...

Dad felt content announcing he was ready for a siesta, so Mom and my sister said their good byes to Dad while the assistant took Dad to tuck him in for his nap.

Mom treated my sister to a nice lunch at Chili's and Holly spent some time with Mom teaching her some tips and tricks on her iPad...

I am not sure if I could possibly make a difference, but I wonder if I should talk to Dad about his eye...  I doubt he would listen to me...he wants to allow his eye to heal on it's own...  His denial is probably natural for a man of his age...but he has consistently avoided pain since he had a balloon inflated in his heart after a heart attack back in the 1970's at the Veteran's Hospital in Long Beach, CA.  I will never forget the look of pain and fear in his eyes as he told me, "I never want to feel pain like that again..."

It had to be really bad...my Dad is a Marine, who fought in the Battle of Tarawa, yet the pain he felt in that hospital seemed to scare him more... That pain motivated Dad to stop adding salt to his food, calling it "white death".  He did floor exercises and isometrics.  He walked twice daily, morning and evening for a hour each time.  Later, he entered a 26 mile marathon in his 60's.  I still have the jersey he wore.

I hope to talk with him tomorrow...

We have been busy preparing for our laminate wood flooring to be installed on Tuesday and Wednesday.  It has been a real undertaking, but we are so looking forward to replacing all the carpet with the laminate and not having the hassle of keeping the carpets cleaned anymore.  We are doing everything we can to simplify our life with less maintenance.

Happy Memorial Day everyone!  Have a safe and happy one...

We Need More Prayers...

The wound care nurse called today.  She is very concerned with the lesion on Dad's lower lid of his right eye.  Dad screams in pain when anyone attempts to clean it.  Dad LOVES his "skin Angel" as he affectionally calls her...but all bets are off if anyone attempts to mess with his eye...

The lesion is cancerous and although his cornea is still in good shape, if the nurses cannot keep it clean, infection could add serious ramifications...Dad freaked when the Ompthamologist mentioned cancerous lesion to Mom when she took him in to be examined. Dad folded his arms and loudly announced, NO!, NO!!, NOOOOOO!!!

The wound care nurse is also concerned with the lesion on his upper lip and Dad also has a new suspicious lesion on his back...

She told me there was not much change on his left pinkie toe after the Cryrotherapy... I am still waiting to hear from Dad's doctor.  Both the doctor and our family are praying Dad will not need to have the toe removed, but I am afraid it is wishful thinking...

I was shocked at how bad the toe looked.  I was so startled when I saw it May 14th I forgot to take a picture for the family to see. Not like me...but one look at it and I told Mom I thought Dad would be losing his toe within six months...I pray to God I am wrong!

Dad's doctor did the Cryrotherapy on Dad's toe this past Monday.  Dad tolerated the procedure very well and did not react as if he had any discomfort what so ever... I am sure the doctor will see Dad today and I should hear something tonight or the first of next week...

We are very apprehensive for Dad to be heavily sedated or given general anesthesia...from what I have read, it is not good for Alzheimer's/dementia patients.  It was not a good result with my Mother in Law...she was heavily sedated for a CT Scan, because she would not hold still.  She was never the same. She was like a zombie, going down hill and finally died two months later.  It was a nightmare...

I lift Dad and his doctors in prayer and would appreciate your prayers as well.

Thank you!

I Feel Like an Old Studebaker Without a Clock...

Mom and I went to visit Dad this morning.  We found him sitting in his wheelchair in the dining room.  When I walked up to him Dad was taking a snooze.  I gently touched his arm and he opened his eyes, smiling, but not with the enthusiasm he normally has...he looked tired and pale...

Dad and Mom, May 14, 2012

"Hi Donna....Hi Lynnie....I thought you both might come today..."

We wheeled him out to the patio.  The front of the nursing home was all torn up and in the midst of total re-landscaping... All the bright, pretty flowers, bright green bushes and trees are all gone, now in a pile of ruble and dirt.  I am anxious to see what their plans are in re-doing it...

There was only one table at the far end of the patio, so we settled there and put Dad's back to the sun.  I could see Dad working his tongue to the left side of his mouth...he obviously had some food stuck in his tooth and he was trying to get it out...must have been there since breakfast... Mom went to his room to get him one of his stim-u-dents while I visited with him.

Dad started in about the boat...going down to the water and how beautiful the beach was this time of year...(he has not been to the beach in years, same with a boat)...he told me he planned on renting one...

I noticed his right eye was scabby looking, not all goopy like it normally is...the nurses all tell me Dad swings at them, screaming and yelling when they put his drops in his eye.  His eye is his only complaint.

Dad nodded off and while he did, I looked at his left pinkie toe, which was bandaged with today's date written on top of the bandage.  I could tell how swollen his pinkie toe was...very noticeably so.

 I tried to show Dad some pictures of my grand sons on my phone and my camera, but Dad could not see them...

Mom returned and told me he was out of the stim-u-dents.  She told Dad she would bring some the next time...

"Do I have a watch?" Dad asked...

"Yes, you do." Mom replied...

"I feel like an old Studebaker with no clock without a watch..."

Mom promised to bring him a watch next time she comes.

Dad lowered his head and nodded off again...

I attempted to engage him in memories or ask about various plants, but he seems disinterested and worn out...

"I'm more interested in you".....Dad told me when I asked if there was moss on a tree near us...Normally he enjoys talking about nature and plants.

I touched his arm and he awoke, talking in gibberish...something about the girls running...


I saw one of the girls coming toward us with Dad's lunch tray..."Oh goody Dad...here comes your lunch..."

Dad is very stiff and cannot seem to turn left nor right...but he tried to look to the left with his good eye...

She set the tray down in front of him and removed the top to his plate.  Fresh zucchini, cauliflower, pea pods, and carrots, beef stroganoff on a bed of noodles, stewed carrots with onions, bell peppers and green beans. (Mom and I both salivated over the carrots...they smelled incredible and we could hear Dad crunching as he ate it.  Very fresh and aromatic.)  He had whole wheat bread and butter, ice cream, bites of watermelon, coffee, water and a glass of milk.

Dad reached for his fork and did his best to scoop up some meat.  His hands are so deformed with arthritis, I asked if I could help him...

"Yes, I feel lazy..."


I happily fed him, watching him close his eyes on each bite, as if to savor the taste.  All the food prepared there smells incredible and always, always looks fantastic!  My mouth watered as he accepted each mouthful like a baby bird...  Usually, Dad is voracious when he eats, but he was slow and deliberate as if he was fighting sleep, but still hungry.

I don't think his slower demeanor is due to medication, I think he is slowing way down.  He used to be on two anti-depressants but he is only on one now, and the same medications he was on before...he seemed so frail and tired.

Doctor-Doctor brought Mom and I some coffee and a cup of milk for me to put in my coffee...When Dad finished every morsel of his food and then drank the milk for my coffee.

I leaned toward his cheek, "Now for some dessert kisses", as I kissed his right cheek with quick, noisy kisses....I whispered softly into his good ear, "I love you so much Dad..."

"I dream about my girlfriend saying that to me...that was so cute...."

"The breeze feels so good," I said aloud...

"I was just thinking the same thing," Dad whispered...still sitting with his eyes closed.

Dad coughed...."I don't want to cough..."

"Do you have a head ache Dad?"

"No...I feel just fine."


Mom asked if he was thinking about a nap...

"Yes I am..." (Dad's voice was barely audible...)

I asked if he would like me to get him his toothbrush so he could clean his teeth before his nap.

"That would be good..."


So I wheeled him back to his room while Mom returned Dad's tray to the kitchen....she also wanted to ask the cook how she made those delicious stewed carrots.

Blondie got Dad's toothbrush and put the toothpaste on it for him...

I stood in the hallway, while Mom and Blondie helped Dad out of the wheel chair.  I watched as Dad got out of his wheel chair.  I could see he was not moving like he normally does.  He looked stiff, shaky and bent over.  His movements were deliberate and slower than I have ever seen Dad move.

Blondie got him all settled in bed and by the time I walked around the bed to his side, I could see eyes shut and hear him softly snoring...

I leaned over and kissed him on his forehead..."I love you Dad...sweet dreams...."

Tonight Mom, my sister, two of my brothers and I,  plus my brother in Ohio via speaker phone are going to discuss final end of life plans and the possibility of initiating a DNR order for Dad.  This talk has been put off enough, we are long over due to make these difficult decisions...

Please pray for us....

Sleepy and Groggy in the Land of Gibberish...

Mom and my sister Holly went to visit Dad on Saturday, May 5th.  They found him snoozing in his wheel chair in the recreation room, while the pastor was reading from the Bible.  The nurse noticed Mom and Holly and bent down to let Dad know they had come to visit.  Dad lifted his head, focused on them and smiled.

They wheeled Dad outside on the patio where it was nice, warm and a wee bit breezy...it was a gorgeous day.  My sister thought Dad seemed very groggy and sleepy. She too thought it was due to his medication changes.

Mom and Holly shared the latest family news with Dad...when they would pause and stop talking, Dad would lower his head and doze off...

My sister asked him how he felt and Dad perked up and said, "I feel really HAPPY!"

Dad May 5, 2012

Holly also noticed Dad's eye looks more dried and scabby on the bottom lid...

Holly tried to call me on her cell, but I was working an Estate Sale on Saturday and Sunday.  I heard my phone ring, but I was so knee deep in people wanting to pay for items, I could not answer the phone...

Dad loved the warm sun on his back and told them how good it felt...then lowered his head and dozed off again...

Mom tried to engage him in some conversation and Dad began talking gibberish and then something about Jehovah....didn't make much sense...

Holly tried to play checkers with Dad on her iPad...but Dad was having difficulty seeing the screen in the sunlight..  She decided she would bring a checker board game next visit...

Dad told them he was starving, so they wheeled him back inside since it was nearly lunch time.  They set Dad at a table with the gentleman who always wears the "Engineer Bill" cap.  He saluted Dad as he came to the table and Dad saluted him in return.

Mom and Holly gave him hugs and kisses as they left him to eat with his buddy...Holly stopped at the door way to throw Dad their traditional kiss....he caught it and blew her one back....

Little Mr. Style-Setter....

Little Mr. Style-Setter

His Mom's pink calculator in his hands...all dressed up to help Mom at work...he will be two years old in September...can you believe it?  I spoke with him today on the phone, what a treat when his sweet voice calls me Grandma....

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UPDATE ON DAD:

The Psychiatrist called me as promised today.  He is putting Dad back on 5mg on Lexapro to start...took Dad off the Remeron.

When I told him I had been trying to reach him for almost two weeks, he asked if his staff called me to let me know he was going to observe Dad.  When I told him NO, he apologized.  He kept me on the line when he called the nursing home to tell them he wanted Dad back on the Lexapro and off the Remeron.

What a relief!

He explained the state keeps close tabs on patients on anti-depressants and does their best to keep patients off it.  He explained he needed to demonstrate how he is off the medication to justify keeping him on it.  Let's hope this does it for good....

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Still working away on the prep work for the carpet installation...only now it is going to be laminate...I am getting WHIP LASH attempting to keep up with my husband changing his mind!  He does have a good idea however...at least this way we won't have to clean it once a year or replace it in another ten years.  This prep work is such a huge undertaking, neither of us want to face it again when we are even older than we are now!

I will be working an Estate Sale this weekend...and very busy tomorrow...so I will wish everyone a great weekend right now...

How Does Anyone Call This Quality of Life?

It will be two weeks tomorrow and I have STILL not heard back from the Psychiatrist on my requested explanation as to why he continues to mess with Dad's Lexapro, taking him on and off of it...I have left one to two messages a day and label them URGENT....and he continues to ignore me.  Yesterday, I left a message for the main doctor who is Dad's original doctor.  The one who never returns calls is his associate...  I AM SO ANGRY!

Dad called Mom last night, but hung up without saying anything. Mom could hear the nursing home's announcements over the line...

I called Dad yesterday and although he recognized my voice when I greeted him with my pet name for him (Papa Doots), and he understood I was coming to see him in a week; our conversation was total gibberish....and x-rated.

I get very disturbed when Dad gets x-rated...not appropriate with a daughter...but more disturbing is the fact is so "un-Dad".  I know it is the disease...it has eroded and demolished his sense of social filtering...he says what comes to his mind, memories flashing by and his mind cannot put the words to it fast enough or adequately enough to describe it...

He sounded like he was relating a sailor's wild weekend....mixed in with childhood memories of clam bakes on the beach...

He talked matter of fact, like we discuss this sort of thing all the time...

I don't correct him, I just let him rip with his fantasies or whatever it is...it makes me miss my Dad so much...Some days I can wrap my head around it and other days it rips my heart open....sitting there listening with tears streaming down my face... How can anyone see this as quality of life?

Dad sounded so weird and disjointed on Mom's last visit...even yesterday, he sounded out of it, plus his voice was kind of slurred...what if it is the Remeron?

He has been falling a lot...obviously he is more dizzy and weak.  I googled the side effects of both the Remeron and the Lexapro.  The withdrawal symptoms are worse with the Lexapro it seems...so WHY would the doctor keep taking Dad off it?  He took Dad off the end of February and I called the office and insisted he put Dad back on the Lexapro, which was March 3rd....then he takes Dad off the Lexapro April 20th and I have been calling him every day to explain why because we want him on it!

Lexapro increases Serotonin in the brain...that is a good thing!  I just don't get it...