He Speaks with Misfired Thoughts...

My brother in Ohio called Mom, he wants to be included in the family meeting on Dad in CA via conference call on our cell phones...

Mom went to visit Dad today...She arrived to find Pickles taking Dad into the shower.... While Mom waited, she spoke to Doctor-Doctor and two other nurses asking if they had noticed any difference with Dad since being removed from the Lexapro.  No one noticed any difference but assured her they would keep a close eye on him...

When Dad and Pickles emerged from the shower room, Dad looked fresh and happy.  Pickles asked Dad to look in Mom's direction to see who was here to visit him...Dad said, "It's probably Lynny..." and gave Mom a big smile as he saw her...

While Dad was preoccupied flirting with some nurses walking past, Mom asked Pickles if she had noticed any different in Dad's demeanor since being taken off the Lexapro...(really it is too soon...it may take another couple of weeks to get out of Dad's system...)  She told Mom she had not noticed anything, but would keep watch him closely.  She mentioned to Mom the Psychiatrist had removed another patient off Lexapro, but she was crabby on it or off... 

It was almost time for lunch and "Blondie" (another nickname bestowed by Dad to one of his nurses) was taking care of Dad, and got Dad situated at a lunch table. She parked Dad next to a lady Mom had never seen before, but Dad told Mom how glad he was sitting with her because he really loved her...

Before Pickles left, she told Mom she would give Dad his shave after lunch or his nap, depending on how Dad felt... As soon as his tray was set in front of Dad, he ate every speck of lunch: barbecued beef on a bun, baked beans, fruit salad with little marshmellows, lime sherbert (which he smacked his lips over), 2 cups of coffee and two glasses of milk. 

Mom suggested they go on the patio since it was such a nice day.  Dad agreed.  She parked his wheelchair so the sun was shining on his back and Dad told Mom how much he loved the feel of the warm sun on his back...

The following are notes Mom took from their disjointed conversation on the patio"

"Donna & Jerry are getting new carpeting soon..."

"Is it in their Covina home?"  (Mom reminded him we lived in Nevada...)

 "Jerry's youngest son, Brian, enlisted in the Marine Corps..."

Smiling, Dad said, "They are the best.  They all line up and the building is made of redwood.  I feel protected with my shirt..."

"The breeze and the sun feel so good..."

" I was just dreaming, everything's perfect and the sun feels so good."

"The Angels aren't doing so good and Cleveland in first place"....

 "It is a beautiful bowl and I hope the boys can go to the games." 

" A_______ (their grand daughter) is doing well in school and likes her new job.  She is preparing for the 26.2 marathon next month..."

" Every time I go to Covina I go to the ambulance cause it's all shiney and new, and I ride with them.  They know what we have here and they stick to it very good."

"E_____ had to put his golden lab, Hunter down..."

(Dad used to feed my brother's dogs when he went away on business trips or vacations) "That is too bad...but it was bound to happen..."

"When I called down there to reach him usually all I get is a phone book and I don't get much information from him.  As far as doing something about it he doesn't do it.  And away we go."

" Watching TV I saw pictures where they were opening up buildings to find stuff.....it was Holly (my sister) & Donna.  As far as Donna and Holly are concerned, they're the best.  They grew up together then when they did decide something to do, it was something they were both good at .  The boys tried.  They're always in the picture.  Well, naturally if they're looking at today, the outside of the building looks well.  Curtains pulled back tells me they are watching me...."

"It's clean and fresh and thank the Lord for that (grateful for the nursing home) and the weather and you..." (meaning Mom).

"Don, the sun has moved, shall I move you so the sun is on your back again?" 

"I never noticed. When the sun goes down and it cools off I usually go in when it's like this and I weather it out..."

"I watched the Angels hitting balls" -

"Do you mean batting practice?"

"My attention is on the ones we keep in touch with.  I hear the motors of the police; they come real slow and park in the middle of the turntable......if they break loose and start the passion of turning they are using the government.  It looks so nice but they realize what they are doing.  I love to watch the children."

Dad closed his eyes....so Mom suggested they go back inside.  

"That's a good idea..."

Blondie joined Mom and Dad and asked Dad if he would like to go to the recreation room for some fun and excitement... Dad nodded his approval and scooted forward to get going...he told Mom to be careful driving home...

As Mom kissed him good-bye, she told Dad I would be coming to see him in a couple of weeks because I was coming out for my sister's birthday and Mother's Day...

Dad smiled...and hugged her in return...

I can't remember the last time I spoke with Dad over the phone...so much has been going on and time seems to be flying by...almost half the year is gone...

Some times I find myself thinking back, before Dad was in the nursing home, replaying conversations we shared... In doing that, I feel closer and feel like I have talked with Dad....but I haven't...some days I feel guilty I have not called...but after reading Mom's email...at least right now...I think I am safer remembering the good times...

It is so difficult to read Mom's notes and realize Dad is starting to forget appropriate words...his brain recollection is misfiring and obscure words and thoughts fill his sentences...

Oh Dad...I love you so much...and one of the Blessings of this disease is that you do not realize your situation...you bask in the attention and excellent care you receive...getting your needs met, regular food, daily showers, clean clothes, and lots and lots of love and company... everything in your world is moment to moment...the stress and burdens of caring for your home, bills, yard, and remembering to do various things and chores are erased from your consciousness....

God Bless and keep you Dad...

Waiting and Hoping...

I received a phone call from the wound care nurse this afternoon.  Dad's tiny wound on the bottom of his left foot has healed.  The basal cell on his left pinkie toe is bigger, redder and swollen.  She said they know it probably won't help, but the doctor ordered an antibiotic cream for ten days.  Dad does not complain of any discomfort amazingly...

Dad still has the mark on his chin, but she said it was dried up.  Dad's only complaint is when they put the drops in and clean his right eye.

The lab results are in on Dad's "fasting" blood test.  His blood sugar (glucose) is elevated at 184 and his HBAIC is 6.8...(I think I have that right...) so he is pre-diabetic, but the doctor did not write any orders for it.

The nursing home and doctor did the same thing last year in April.  The Director of Nursing called and wanted Dad to be on a diabetic diet and we all voted to let him eat what he wants to eat...Dad doesn't like bland food or anyone to tell him what he cannot eat... I wish they would just let Dad be...all these tests and creams etc, it just gives Medicare more money...and Dad has to keep getting stuck with needles...

I have been calling for a week leaving messages with the Psychiatrist's office to have him call me and explain why he keeps taking Dad off the Lexapro.  I also want to know if there is a choice, we prefer the Lexapro over the Remeron.  The doctor has Dad on the Remeron to increase his appetite..

First off, Dad has always had a voracious appetite.  The nursing home wants to increase his appetite because Dad weighs 148.  Most of Dad's life he has weighed 150.  He could eat and eat and never gain weight.  At one point, the first year Dad was in the nursing home, he got up to a whopping 166 pounds, mainly because my brothers, my sister and I would bring him In and Out Burgers, fries and shakes every time we visited....

In January of this year, Dad weighed 156 and in February the nursing home informed me he had lost 8 pounds from the previous month and weighs 148, (which he has maintained to date) so they were going to give him ice cream at lunch and dinner and food supplement drinks three times a day.

Every Friday I can count on the nursing home calling me at least once.  Lately, it seems they have been calling on average of 3 times a week...

Lord, please watch over Dad and keep him well until you call him home...Amen.

Results Are In...

Got a triple whammy today....

The nursing home called this morning to inform me Dad's Psychiatrist took Dad off the Lexapro again!!! I kind of raised my voice, getting upset....but the nurse assured me because Dad is on two anti-depressants, he should be just fine with the Remeran.  I asked if she told the doctor we had requested Dad to be left on the medication and she told me she did, but that the doctor had responded he wants to take care of Dad too.  We will see...She told me they would be monitoring Dad closely...yeah, right, that's what they said the last time...

Mom called to tell me the results of his appointment with the lady Opthamologist.  She confirmed Dad has a basal cell carcinoma on his eyelid.  She asked his age and told Mom she would recommend the nursing home putting Artificial Tears in his eyes every four hours and did not recommend any aggressive treatments.  She was satisfied his cornea was healthy and asked to see him again in six months.  Apparently she mentioned the word, biopsy, and Dad's comment was...

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-WWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!"

Mom was a basket case...she leaves today for a church retreat and had not eaten anything....I didn't press her for details and told her to have a nice lunch with her friends, a safe drive down to the beach and to have a blessed and relaxing weekend....

She assured me Dad was cooperative, he seemed very tired and nodded off during the long wait in the waiting room...

I could hear the stress in Mom's voice, so I did not have the heart to tell her about Dad being taken off the Lexapro...I want her to have a nice weekend...If Dad acts out and calls her, Mom will call and let me know when she gets home on Sunday and has nasty phone calls from Dad....then, I will tell her.

The wound care nurse called to tell me Dad will be on antibiotics for ten days...the other day she told me the lab tests were negative for infection in Dad's swollen, red, left, pinkie toe...now, she says the doctor told her there IS infection, hence the antibiotics....

My elbow still has a dull ache...feels like I bruised my "funny bone" (and it ain't funny!) and I feel a twinge of discomfort when I lift a pot or plate, shift in the car, or attempt to serve myself a portion of food or cut my food...it is annoying having to use my less dominant hand...  I thought if I ignored it, it would go away...but it is not cooperating...so I may have to break down and follow up with my doctor...

Thank you everyone so much for all your wonderful support and prayers...

Have a great weekend.

Dad's Care Conference and Updates...

On the 17th, the skin care nurse called to tell me Dad is still screaming when she attempts to clean out his right eye...Also, Dad's left pinkie toe is very swollen and it looks like the basal cell carcinoma on his pinkie toe is growing.  She told me Dad's doctor opened it up to see if it was infected, but there was none.  She suggested we take him to a Dermatologist or Surgeon because it really looks bad...When I asked if Dad complained of pain or discomfort, she told me he rarely complains...

She invited me to find her next time I come to visit, which will be in May, and she will show me the progressive photos she has taken of Dad's toe.  I thanked her for taking such wonderful care of Dad.  She thanked me for the Alveeno lotion and told me what a difference it makes on Dad's skin.

Dad's Care Conference was also on the 17th... Mom attended in person and I attended via the phone.  First topic, as usual is to review the emergency procedures.  Apparently my brother K_____ put himself and our other brother S_______ as the 2nd person to call and removed Mom's name.  I am the first to be called.

We told them we are having a family meeting in May when I go to California to discuss whether we want Dad resuscitated with CPR should his heart stop or he stops breathing.  We all have to discuss this together as there is much to consider...  Since Dad is a Veteran we also need to discuss burial plans as both Mom and Dad prefer cremation.  We all have avoided these topics, but the sooner we make these difficult decisions, we can be relieved of the burden of indecision hanging over our heads...

We listened to the review of his medications and the services he has had over the past several months, with the Podiatrist, the Dentist, the Psychiatrist and heard how well he is doing with his rehabilitation and exercise.  Dad enjoys Bingo, Bible Study and especially music with a fast beat.  The staff all chimed in on how much they enjoy Dad's dancing and singing.

Dad is on two anti-depressants, Lexapro and Remeron.  The Remeron helps him have more of an appetite.  It is doing its job because Dad has gained 6 pounds and now weighs 148 pounds.  Dad gets ice cream twice a day, as well as supplement shakes three times a day.  Dad has never weighed more than 150 pounds, which is his ideal weight, so he is doing much better.

They confirmed again that "Pickles" will accompany Dad on the transport for his appointment with the specialist (Opthamologist) tomorrow to examine his eye and determine if it is in fact cancer... I really believe it is cancer because it has not gotten any better in the last four years he has had it.  I can't imagine the possible treatment other than disfiguring Dad's face or removing his eye...I don't want to think of either one...I know Mom is really nervous about the results and stressed with the entire appointment...

We would greatly appreciate you keeping Dad in your prayers...

The Quiet Man...

Mom and my sister went to visit Dad today. They interrupted the Pastor conducting the church services, but Dad didn't seemed to mind.  He was happy to see them both.  They wheeled him out through the double security doors to the lounge.  They were pleased to hear the alarm sound when they pushed Dad through the doors.  Dad had two alarms, one on his ankle and one on his wheel chair.

My sister Holly showed Dad pictures of her daughter's travels in Washington DC and Texas and then played Tic Tack Toe with Dad on her iPad.  Mom and Holly both noticed Dad was not his usual talkative, jovial self and was very quiet...

My sister took a picture of Dad...his eye looks terrible.

After visiting awhile, it was time for Dad to eat his lunch.  They wheeled him into the lunch room to a delicious lunch of barbecued chicken, french fries, beans, cucumber salad, jello, ice cream, two glasses of milk, supplement shake and coffee.  Doctor-Doctor mixed Dad's coffee just the way Dad likes it and gave it to Dad.  As usual, Dad drank it all in one gulp, telling her how perfect and delicious it was...

Doctor-Doctor informed Mom and Holly that "Pickles" would be accompanying Dad on the transport to his eye appointment next week on Friday, the 20th.

Mom gave a big jug of Aveeno lotion to the nurses station to keep for Dad for his skin care, as Dad's "skin angel" had requested more as she ran out.  This lotion has absolutely transformed Dad's rough skin.

After lunch, Dad's eyes began to flap.  Holly asked if he was ready for a nap and Dad nodded saying he was very sleepy.  As they started to wheel him back to his room, Doctor-Doctor offered to take Dad to his room and get him ready for bed....

Kisses and hugs were given and more kisses blown from the door way, as is my sister's and Dad's custom...

Mom and Holly went to Marie Callenders for lunch afterward and enjoyed more time together...

Bingo Boys....

My youngest brother E____ visited Dad today.  E____ found Dad sitting in his wheel chair in front of the nursing station.  As E_____ approached Dad, Dad looked up at him and said,

"You look just like my son E____."

"That's because I AM your son E_____, " my brother told Dad...

E____ wheeled Dad out to the patio where they enjoyed six games of Bingo on E's iPad.  Dad was "on" a few times but did not win.... They had a good visit.

E____ had to return to work, so he kissed Dad good bye and left Dad to watch La Bamba....

I'm the Happiest Man on Earth...."

On our way to Easter dinner on Sunday, the nursing home called to inform me Dad fell.  His alarm went off and when the staff arrived to his room, they found Dad sitting on the floor with a moderate amount of blood coming from his cheekbone.  Apparently he attempted to use the restroom without ringing for help and then slipped.

The nurse assured me Dad seemed fine, but they were waiting to hear back from Dad's doctor.  She was not sure if Dad would need to be transported for stitches or not...

Around 9:30pm, the night nurse called to assure me Dad was fine and did not need stitches or to be transported to the hospital.

The first thing Mom said when I told her was, "I don't know how many times I have told him not to get up by himself!"  I reminded her he would probably listen if he didn't have such a hard head and the fact he can't remember....

I was very relieved and wanted to make sure Dad was OK...she told me Dad usually goes to bed much earlier, but he had stayed up later (probably from all the attention and concern he was receiving from all the ladies...)...  She told me she had checked in with Dad just before 9pm and he told her, "I'm the happiest man on earth!"  

The King of the Tracks...

Please bare with me...I have done something to my right forearm and elbow...hurt like heck three weeks to a month ago, I could not even lift a cup of coffee....(but I was too busy with the patio project, painting pots and company)...Two weeks ago I discovered a lump about two fingers wide on the underside of my arm just before my elbow...this past Wednesday I went to Urgent Care because my doctor was gone this week.

The doctor thought I might have "tennis elbow" from repetitive movements...but the lump should be followed up by my doctor and an MRI done if it does not go away.  It is a little bigger than a pea now, so it has gone down.  It is tender and gives me a twinge if I lean down on it, so I have a wrist guard and an elbow wrap on to keep from twisting it any more.  Makes it difficult to type....

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Mom went to visit Dad yesterday...she found him finishing his lunch.  Mom helped Dad eat the rest of his green jello..  the lobby was full of students and it was chilly on the patio so they visited in Dad's room.

Mom told   she had given my youngest brother E____ an envelope of old pictures and letters.  He had called Mom all excited because he had found a letter Dad had written to Great Grandpa and had included a drawing Dad had done of a train.  Dad let out a loud laugh...

"Of course I drew the train, because I was the engineer who drove the train!  That is what I did in the war...  I'd go all the way up the hill and there was nothing but ice and snow.  It was very slow coming down the hill because the resistance of all the ice and snow slowed me down....Part of my job was to load and unload the snow too..."

Dad looked at Mom (who was sitting and writing down everything Dad was saying, knowing full well Dad never engineered a train in his life, except a toy train...he was in the Marines.) with his eyes growing bigger with excitement...

"I also made the train tracks and served the food in the diner!  I got fat because I ate so much of the food.  I ate thick sirloin steaks every day!  I was treated like a King.  They called me "The King of the Tracks"...and I always knew exactly how much my check should be and I expected it to be given to me on time too!"

Mom nodded her head and smiled, "I am so impressed..." she managed to say as she kept scribbling down the non-stop story Dad was weaving...

"In Chicago, I knew how much I made...I went around and around the Empire State Building..."  Dad swung his arms in circles above his head as he described it to Mom...

" Don, are you thinking of the Sears Tower?  The Empire State Building is in New York..."

Again Dad let out a blast of laughter, "YOU ARE RIGHT!  It is the Sears Tower I was thinking of...
I had a draw on one of the buildings going up in Chicago and they told me how much I made, right down to the penny!"

"My youngest son, E___ is very sharp...."

"Some guy was pumping his bicycle tires and selling rags and old stuff...."


"I used to laugh at the old milk horse in Chicago...They'd stop at my door...a daily routine...and the milk was frozen and would come out of the top....Do you remember that?"


Mom shook her head, "I didn't live in a cold climate (she grew up in Florida) so I didn't have that experience..."

"Do you remember A____ K________?" (Dad's childhood friend and old girlfriend)

"No, I did not know you then...."

(Laughing) "Yeah, I had lots of girlfriends..."


"Uncle R_____ used to stay with us.  He showed me how to use a razor and shave.  He told me if I did a good job shaving, he would let me sell some of his razors..".(our great Uncle and his brother, our Grandfather were inventors...)


"They had to pay me to run the engines..." (Mom thought Dad had switched back to talking about the trains again...)


"I was paid very well and H____ ( my great Aunt who was married to Uncle R___) was there too..."


"I remember I______ and J_______ (Dad's family's servants when he was a young boy) They would charge groceries at the corner market, then J_____ would not pay the bill.  They gambled a lot and made quite a lot of money.  They were not suppose to do it.  They were not trustworthy.  They took advantage of my Dad..."


"My Dad had a lot of secretaries he would date.  He knew all the girls.  Dad kept silent and Mom was embarrassed, so she stayed quiet.  Dad dated Mom's best friend....Did you know that?"


(Mom was writing as fast as she could...)


" Uncle R_____ and I were on the date with them...(Mom knew he was mixed up and meant his Dad and his Uncle).  We were close...."  (Dad was very close to his Uncle who love and believed in Dad.  His father was extremely critical and disappointed with Dad.)


" R_____ would come to the house and my sister would put a tiara on R___'s head and crown him THE KING!"  Dad obviously smiling as he related and remembered his version of the story....


"Do you remember when we had our picture taken by R____ at the Huntington Hotel in Pasadena?"


" Don, that was not us, it was your sister R____ and her husband H_____..."

Roaring with laughter Dad said, "That's right!  You're right...H____ had a yacht and skippered the boat. He was an engineer...."

" I think he was in mining..."

Dad threw his head back laughing hard again saying, "Lynn, you remember everything!  You always had such an excellent memory..."

Mom's hand was cramped from writing, "OK Mr. Absent Minded Professor, I think it would be a good idea for you to take a wee nap before it is time to play Bingo....  Don?.....Don?" (Dad and Mom went to a costume party years ago and Mom had Dad dress as the Absent Minded Professor wearing a dress shirt, tie, jacket, sock garters and shoes, long boxers and no dress pants.  Mom went as a Flapper.  They won first prize...)

Mom leaned over to kiss him good-bye and Dad was already asleep!

Thank you Mom for all you do.  I cannot imagine how difficult it must be to hold on to the good times to balance out the sadness in seeing your life partner of over 65 years, fading away bit by bit, living in your home without him....  I love you so much Mom.  God Bless you!

An Appointment is Set....

The nursing home just called.  Dad is scheduled for his exam with the Opthamologist on April 20th at 9am.  Until then, Dad's doctor prescribed some Erythromycin ointment for his right eye.  The discharge used to be white and lately it has been yellow.  Since he had the yellow discharge, Dad yells when the staff attempts to clean out his eye, so it must be hurting him.

Hopefully, one of my brothers can go with Mom.  The transport will drive Dad to the appointment and one of the CNAs will accompany Dad on the transport.

Dad also has a small rash on his left arm so the nursing staff is putting some ointment on it too.